She thinks of the fight. But she also thinks of what happened before the fight. So, it depends a little on how they are defining ‘ending’.
‘I won’t say stupid things next time,’ she says.
‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep,’ he says, but she can hear the smile in his voice.
‘Let me think about all this,’ she says. There is so much to think about. Saying goodbye to London again, if only in her mind. Turning her back on a chance to start over, with a mess-free blank page. Now that Sam has a solution, where does that leave them, exactly? ‘I just need a second to gather my thoughts.’
‘Take as long as you need,’ he says. ‘I’ll be waiting.’
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Lexi goes through the rest of the day in a bit of a daze. When all this is over– whatever that ends up looking like– she’s going to have to take a week on a beach to lie very still for long periods of time. This roller-coaster has been exhausting. Elation, despair, frustration, satisfaction– and that’s just the shop. The stuff with Sam has been bonkers too, and she hasn’t had five seconds to process it. At least in Jane Austen’s day, women basically just sat around waiting for letters from suitors, and then when the letters came, they could give them their full attention and spend all their time analysing them. Meanwhile, Lexi is supposed to somehow figure this out while saving a business.
Except that now, Sam’s saved it for her... which she’s not sure about. It’s chivalrous and kind, and Lizzy Bennet would certainly approve, but she feels a bit weird about it all. She’s a strong, independent woman, and this is 2024. It seems a little like conceding defeat to take his family’s money. A little bit... anti-feminist?
Erin laughs when Lexi explains this to her. ‘Seriously? You, the romantic? You’re going to say no to possibly the most romantic gesture in the world because it’s too... old-fashioned?’
‘Well, when you put it like that...’ She’d been trying to focus on the practicalities, not be distracted by romance (again). And yet her stomach does a little somersault at the thought of it, and the thought of what it means for her and Sam.
‘Taking the money from a big bad businessman to save a local indie... That’s like Robin Hood in reverse.You’ve Got Mailwith a better ending.’
‘Robin Hood in reverse,’ she repeats. ‘I like it.’
‘Take it,’ Erin says. ‘I mean, I don’t want to tell you what to do. But take it.’
Lexi breathes out, a long breath that feels like it’s releasing the tension of the last few months. ‘Okay.’
‘Okay? You’re taking it? You’re staying?’
‘I’m taking the money. I’m securing my grandmother’s legacy. I’m making sure Pippin still has a roof over his head. But it doesn’t have to be me who runs the shop. I could go home and watch its success from afar while also enjoying the British weather.’
Erin spits out her wine. ‘I’m sorry, did you sayenjoyingorenduring?’ She looks at Lexi, drilling into her soul with her eyes. ‘It’s not like you to run away. Your dream guy is standing right in front of you. He’s yours for the taking. He saved your cat and he’s saving your bookshop. He likes you despite the fact that you keep messing things up with him. And you’re going to move back to England for– what, exactly?’
‘To spend more time with my family,’ Lexi says, and then she laughs a strangled laugh, because that’s exactly what politicians say when they’re leaving for an entirely different reason, and everyone sees right through it.
‘You’re running away,’ Erin says again, shaking her head. ‘Because the romantic part of the chase is over and now you’re faced with the practicalities of actually making it work with Sam, and that’s less fun.’
‘I think it would be really fun, actually.’ Lexi feels a blush creeping into her cheeks. She tries not to think of the way he touches her.
‘There’ll be some fun parts, yeah,’ Erin agrees. ‘But it’s scary, your business tied with him like this. And the day-to-day of making a relationship work... well, Jane Austen never wrote about that, did she? And there’s a reason for that. She was a hopeless romantic, like you.’
Lexi thinks about what it might look like, to live with Sam. To get to play the piano whenever she wants, but also maybe to have to pick up his socks sometimes. To get to know all his annoying habits, rather than just being irritated with him over the graph of doom. To be genuinely angry with him sometimes and not always be able to resolve it with well-timed sex or by walking away. To have to actually talk things through.
Erin’s right. Itisscary. And Lexiistempted to run away. Under the grey skies of London, thousands of miles from here, drinking tea after her niece’s dance recital, it would be so easy to feel like her life in DC never happened. That it was all some kind of illusion. That men like Sam don’t exist in real life. She could get a job where she’s not responsible for anything, where no burden lands on her shoulders. Move into her sister’s spare room while she figures things out. Turn the page on this whole chapter.
Lexi tries to make herself want all of that. But deep down, in her gut, where it matters, where her decisions are made, she doesn’t. She wants to see another DC spring and complain to her colleagues about not being able to get close enough to the cherry blossoms because of all the tourists. She wants to see the maple trees on AStreet turn the most striking red under the bright blue DC skies of October. She wants another Thanksgiving with Erin’s family, expressing gratitude for all she loves about her life here and then arguing loudly about politics over pecan pie. She wants to be right at the heart of her community, eavesdropping on book club conversations among her regulars, with Pippin in her lap. She wants to put her favourite books in the hands of her favourite customers.
And yes, she wants to be with Sam. She wants to get to know him, what really makes him tick, to help figure out what it is that he really wants, if business is it, or if he’s just doing that to impress his dad and earn his love, when in fact maybe he does want to be a piano teacher. Or a wine expert. Or something else entirely. Or maybe he does want to be a bookseller, and maybe they could figure that out.
Maybe they can be partners, instead of enemies. Lexi likes the sound of that.
Chapter Sixty
It’s a risk for Lexi to show up at Sam’s place unannounced, but something about it feels right. She sneaks into his building behind someone else and knocks on his door.
‘One moment,’ she hears him shout. She pictures him wandering around with just a towel around his waist, frantically grabbing a T-shirt. She wants to say,No worries, you can be naked for this, but she also doesn’t want to spoil the surprise. So she waits, patiently, the lattes in her hand growing more lukewarm by the second.
‘Hey,’ he says, opening the door, his voice surprised but soft.
