Did Lexi feel like throwing red wine at Amanda’s expensive, probably dry-clean-only top at several points during the evening? Of course. But would she actually have done it by choice? No, of course not. Not because she’s nice– though she likes to think she is– but because she’s a wimp. And also because she’s a little bit afraid of what Sam would think of her. And now he’s stone-faced, his eyes refusing to meet hers.
‘I’ll pay for your dry cleaning, of course,’ she says, desperate to make it right, to stop the panic rising in her throat.
‘It’sfine,’ Amanda says again. And in case there was any doubt over whether she means it, she adds, ‘I don’t know how much dry cleaning can really do with a red wine stain anyway.’
This awkward moment, standing opposite each other not saying anything, seems to stretch on into infinity.
‘Anyway,’ Amanda says, breaking the silence, ‘weren’t you just leaving?’
‘I was.’
Lexi is still hoping for Sam’s gaze to meet hers, for some kind of absolution in his eyes. But he won’t look at her. The whole thing is so humiliating, but at least Lexi makes it round the corner before she starts crying.
Chapter Fifty
Surprisingly, miraculously, Erin is both home and still awake when Lexi gets back. She’s humming to herself and looking a little flushed; John has probably just left after a particularly satisfying snogging session, made somehow all the more satisfying by the knowledge they’re a day closer to consummating their union.
Lexi can’t really imagine what any part of that is like. Would it be better if she didn’t know how good sex with Sam is, or what an expert he is with his tongue? Would she be less confused about what she wants? Or would the desperation to know what he’s like in bed and to feel every part of his skin on every part of her skin drive her to even more ridiculous measures?
She clears her throat as she walks into the living room, and Erin startles.
‘Oh, hey,’ she says. Then she takes a look at Lexi’s face and her smile turns into a frown. Lexi accidentally wore her non-waterproof mascara today, which has turned out to be a disaster. ‘What happened?’
Erin says it kindly, but because Lexi knows her so well, she can hear the faint note of controlled impatience in her voice. She probably wanted to go to bed full of loved-up fluffy feelings. For most of the time Erin’s been engaged, Lexi has been having drama of some sort or another, and she feels bad about it. This time should be all about Erin. She should get to bask in her happiness. She deserves no less.
To be fair, Lexi doesn’t do the drama on purpose. She would actually love it if her life would stop being ridiculous for just a few minutes. She would love to stop focusing on her own drama, preferably because in this scenario there would be no drama to focus on.
‘I accidentally got invited to the soft launch of Sam’s wine bar.’
‘Wine bar? What happened to his bookshop?’
‘It’s a wine bar in a bookshop, which is actually a great idea. The mark-up on wine is bigger than on books, and when people are a bit sozzled they buy more books. So. Win-win.’
‘Too bad you didn’t think of it first.’
‘I did.’
‘Oh.’
‘Yeah. Anyway. I was walking past, and they were having a party. And he saw me and dragged me in there.’
‘Sounds like maybe he’s still into you, no?’
Lexi shakes her head. It is all so confusing. ‘Maybe. Or maybe he just wanted to show off.’
‘Because your opinion matters to him?’
‘Or because he wanted to unveil his great plan for beating me in the Great Bookshop Wars. Or maybe because his ex-girlfriend-and-maybe-also-current-girlfriend was there too and he wanted to show me how totally fine he is without me.’
‘And they’re definitely back together?’
‘Sounds like Amanda basically designed the wine bar. She’s been hanging around for at least a week.’
‘A whole week!’ Erin rolls her eyes. ‘Sounds like they might as well be married.’
Lexi punches her playfully on the arm. She’s missed this. ‘Shut up.’
‘And that’s why you’ve been crying? Because Amanda was there?’
