‘Why do you think Sam is acting this way?’ she asks her sister, always eager for her wisdom.
‘Hurting people hurt people,’ she says. ‘I think it’s as simple as that. He’s lashing out.’
‘Do you think it’s revenge?’
‘It could be a little bit of that too.’
‘I didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t even think itwouldhurt him to know that this all started as a bit of a challenge. Iwantedus to fall in love. That’s no different to going on the apps, necessarily.’
‘Nobody likes to feel manipulated.’
They talk about everything else: Tessa and the shop, those pesky lines on the graph, how Lexi never sees Erin anymore, how she still doesn’t have a plus-one to the wedding. But all along she’s thinking about that phrase:hurting people hurt people. Wondering if there’s a clue to stopping the pain in there. Wondering if they can stop hurting each other long enough to keep both bookshops alive (or at least hers; truth be told, she’s less bothered about his).
Then they talk about Stephanie’s kids, their dance recitals and football matches and school mishaps. Lexi feels a weird tug in her gut, like she always does when they talk about her niece and nephew: she wishes she could be there, part of their daily lives, the little ups and downs of childhood, the scraped knees and stories at bedtime. When life was good in DC, Lexi could quieten those feelings with the knowledge that she was doing the right thing with her life. But now it feels like too high a price, to be this sad and this far away from her family.
She wants to honour her grandmother’s legacy, to keep her alive through this shop. But it’s more important to be there for living people than for those who’ve passed away, and not even books can fill the ache in Lexi’s hearts for human connection. As she puts down the phone reluctantly– bedtime for Stephanie– Lexi is less sure than ever that she’s in the right place.
Chapter Forty-Three
As luck would have it, this is the week of the monthly staff meeting: pizzas from down the road, leftover wine from the various book clubs, and a recap of upcoming events and buzzy book releases. Lexi always loves gathering her staff in one place– like a reunion of cousins who rarely see each other but have that one important thing in common, whether that’s a long-lost great-grandparent or, in their case, a love of books and particular takes on book-related neuroses. It gives Lexi energy, hope and pride to see all her lovely and enthusiastic staff in a room together.
This week, though, they’re sharing that room with a couple of rather large elephants: Tessa’s tearful defection and Lexi’s recent demeanour. She wouldn’t blame anyone for feeling a bit sick from the roller-coaster: some days she’s borderline manic, whipping herself into a frenzy over all the potentially great new initiatives they can try, in order to get that graph moving in the right direction. Other days, she moves slowly and sadly, projecting an air of resignation. She knows that if she was working with a boss like her, she’d be whispering with her colleagues, speculating.
Elijah and Debbie cast what seem like furtive glances at her as she sits herself down with a big box of cupcakes– not usually a feature of these meetings, but Lexi knows what Mary Poppins says about a spoonful of sugar.
They get into it: the books, the events, the new initiatives related to romance, and why they matter.
‘As I said in my email, Sam at Great Expectations has decided, in his infinite wisdom, that his customers want romance novels too. We’re losing ground to him as it is, and I refuse to concede this one.’
There’s some vigorous nodding around the room. Lexi isn’t the only one who finds it more than mildly annoying that Sam is increasingly encroaching on their patch.
And then Lexi unfurls a large copy of the graph of doom and Blu-Tacks it to the wall.
‘I need to show you all this, just so you can see how things are going. Just to stress, this is nobody’s fault. You are all working very hard and very well. There are circumstances beyond our control, like the rising price of books and competition from up the road. I’ve been wanting to give you all a raise for a long time—’ Lexi can almost feel the room run out of air as everyone takes in a breath ‘—but until these lines diverge a little bit more, I’m afraid that won’t be possible. I’m so sorry. You lot are the best team anyone could ask for. You’ve given so much to this shop, and I’m so grateful. But we’re all going to have to work even harder for a while.’
There’s silence. Nobody knows what to say to this. Lexi imagines they’re thinking of plenty of responses, none of them appropriate to say to a boss:Are you kidding me? We’ve worked our asses off for years!And maybe, just maybe:So sleeping with the enemy wasn’t really worth it, huh?
In the end, Natalie breaks the silence, and with it the tension.
‘This calls for a cupcake,’ she says, and nervous laughter ripples around the circle.
The box is passed around and people fill their faces with sugar, grateful not to have to think of anything to say for a while.
Lexi is just glad to have made it through the meeting without crying. Honestly, that might be her greatest achievement yet.
Chapter Forty-Four
The shop is short-staffed the next day, so Lexi jumps on the till for a couple of hours. She likes getting to do that. Honestly, she wishes she did it more. She doesn’t particularly like being squirrelled away in the office as much as she has been lately, especially when it means looking at cheerless graphs. Give her direct contact with customers any day.
The control freak in her is glad to be in charge, glad to be the one to make the final decisions and sign off on things, and, of course, glad to make the shop her little kingdom, the place where she gets to decide what’s what. But sometimes, she wonders if she wouldn’t be happier as a bookseller, recommending great books and striking up conversations at the till:Ooh, yes, I read her last one, she’s great, isn’t she?OrI stayed up till 2 just to find out how it ended.OrDid you know the sequel comes out next year?She likes pulling faces at cute babies, watching customers interact with Pippin, and offering sweets from the treat jar to well-behaved children. (The less well-behaved ones take them without asking.)
She likes it, too, when she gets to tell people they’ve spent enough to earn a free book, thanks to the shop’s loyalty scheme– who doesn’t love a free book? There’s no card needed or anything like that; their name alone unlocks the magic. And today, the third name Lexi asks for makes her do a double take.
‘Amanda Delarue,’ says the blonde.
Lexi manages not to vocalise the sharp intake of breath she’s done on the inside or mention that Sam never said just how beautiful she was. She glances at the address that is showing for Amanda on the computer screen: looks like she’s living in Chicago these days.
‘Visiting from out of town?’ Lexi asks her, making seemingly polite chit-chat. ‘I’m not sure I’ve seen you around before.’
