Lexi will do all of this for Erin, and do it gladly, since Erin is her best friend and has done far stranger favours for Lexi over the years, from going back to the flat to check the hob was definitely off to crawling under Lexi’s bed to see if the spider she’d whacked with a shoe was definitely dead. Lexi will do anything to ward off the feeling that she’s losing her best friend. She misses hanging out in front of Hallmark movies and Erin chiding her for not being able to recognise any celebrities. She misses those occasional Sunday afternoons when they used to sit at opposite ends of the sofa with their respective books. And, yes, Lexi also misses her sounding board, her amateur therapist. Staring into a Zoom screen for fifty-five minutes every couple of weeks and then parting with $120 isn’t quite the same as putting on Taylor Swift and dancing around the kitchen after an hour of railing against DC men over creamy chicken and pasta, the homely smells of garlic and dill still hanging in the air. She really needs her best friend right now.
‘Hi,’ Lexi calls out hopefully as she pushes the door open, and she’s surprised and delighted to hear ahiechoed back to her. And only onehi, which means that John isn’t here. Which means real, proper conversation. Today of all days, Lexi is thankful, even if that gratefulness comes with a pinch to the heart, a reminder of how much she’ll miss Erin when she’s gone for good.
‘How was your day?’ Lexi asks.
‘Uneventful.’ She shrugs. ‘You?’
‘It definitely wasn’t uneventful.’
‘Ah.’
There’s something in Erin’s eyes that Lexi hadn’t seen much of until recently, but now she sees it there quite often. Reluctant resignation, maybe? Ahere we gokind of vibe. ALexi being Lexi, brace yourselfkind of vibe. As if the things she used to find endearing about Lexi have become exhausting.
‘The accountant came by and it’s not good news,’ Lexi says, not embroidering, not dramatising, just stating facts. ‘But also, I came up with some ideas that will maybe bring in some cash, and some more customers.’
‘That sounds hopeful.’
‘Yeah.’ Lexi takes a deep breath. ‘Also, Sam kissed me today.’
Technically, Lexi kissed him. She’s not sure of the reason for this tiny white lie, except maybe it’s to hide the fact that she’s pursuing the plan her best friend disapproves of. If she was just the passive victim of an ill-intentioned kiss, she can’t be blamed for anything.
Erin’s eyes widen in what seems like interest. Or maybe shock. ‘Okay, tell me more.’
Lexi hasn’t told Erin about the piano lessons; if she’s noticed that Lexi leaves suspiciously early on Wednesday mornings, she hasn’t said anything.
‘He’s a very good kisser.’
‘So says half of DC.’
And even though it was likely playfully meant, and even though Lexi had that exact thought as she was kissing Sam, she’s still a little bit annoyed.
‘But, like, how did it happen?’
‘Um.’ Lexi thinks back to the moment. She can feel her pulse accelerating. ‘It all started with me being mad at him.’
She’s suddenly not sure she wants to process this with Erin after all. Because Erin wants Lexi to stay mad at Sam. She wants them to be enemies, holding each other at arm’s length, and certainly not close enough for him to be her plus-one. Lexi, however, fantasises about a gorgeous, deep red dress she could be wearing at the wedding. The chance to dance with him, the whole room fading away like it’s just the two of them. She won’t bring him against Erin’s wishes, though. She’ll have to get her to approve of him first.
This will be easier to process once they’re chopping vegetables together.
‘What shall we eat tonight?’ Lexi asks, eager to get settled into their usual pattern. Nobody knows Lexi better than Erin does. At this point, three years into them living together, she’s not even sure that her sister does. Certainly nobody knows the version of her that exists in her American life better than Erin does.
‘Oh,’ she says. ‘I’m not eating at home. John’s picking me up any moment now.’
Lexi’s heart sinks. ‘Oh.’
‘But tell me more about this kiss. Because you’re all twinkly-eyed. Like you might be in love.’
Wait, Lexi thinks,what? Not in love. Just a little bit flustered by all the kissing is all.
Erin’s phone lights up with a text from John. ‘I should go,’ she says, and she at least has the decency to sound regretful. ‘But I want to hear more later.’
‘Okay,’ she says. ‘Have fun!’ But what she really wants to say is,Okay, when? When do you want to hear more? We never get to hang out properly anymore.
It’s too late for her to call her sister: it’s 1a.m. over in England. So Lexi is left with all this raw, unprocessed emotion. So when Erin is gone and the door is firmly closed, Lexi does the only sensible thing she can do with all of today’s frustrations. She switches her vibrator onto its most vigorous setting.
Chapter Thirty
Lexi feels less frustrated the next morning, less of a tightly coiled bundle of nerves, but she’s not any closer to having actually processed anything. Sometimes, in her life, it feels like things are just plodding along with not much to report beyond a great book she’s read, a supplier being unreliable, or the wholesaler being careless with packing books so that the shop has to return more damaged goods than usual. Or, in her personal life: a new Taylor Swift album to learn the lyrics for, another terrible date with an entitled man, a meal she’s offered to a family who’s just welcomed a new baby.
