“These are the same terms that Farrah and Elias have sworn to,” she snapped. “If you can do it and get away safely, please kill me. If not, donotinterfere and leave me behind.”
Cason’s blue eyes studied her, his mouth opening and closing before he finally whispered. “Farrah and Elias still came for you.”
“They gotlucky, because that was a shit rescue.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “Cason, please.”
Another beat of silence, then quietly, “I know.” He swallowed, eyes lowering as he played with her fingers. “I know why you’re asking me to do it, but… even Farrah and Elias couldn’t do it. I don’t know if I can.”
Brela sighed and leaned her forehead against his chest. “Please. It would be a kindness compared to what they’d do to me. You’d be saving me from something far worse.” She savored the arms that wrapped around her and held her closer. “If they were to capture you, too…”
Cason leaned away, hands gripping her face. “I can handle myself if I get caught.”
“But I wouldn’t be able to,” she whispered. “Why do you think I survived all those years with Ovir and Dernian? Because they didn’t have Farrah and Elias to use against me. Because there was no one I… cared about. No, I didn’t want them captured or tortured, not because I didn’t think they couldn’t handle themselves, but becauseIcouldn’t handle it. Cason, I would breakfaster than a toothpick if someone used them against me. If someone usedyouagainst me.”
The captain’s arms went limp, hands falling to his sides as he just stared at her.
“I can withstand whatever it is they have planned for me, but the minute they know about you, the minute they drag you or Serill or my family into it… I would do or say anything to protect you.Anything.”
Because I love you.
Sentence after sentence, breath after breath, those were the words she couldn’t say. The words that were so unfair to a man she was destined to betray, no matter how much they meant to her. The words she bit back until it was painful and her lungs wanted to burst.
But Cason had to know what power he had over her. What power her captors could use against her if they caught him, because that gods-damned tug in her chest never seemed to quiet down when she was near him. No, it just kept getting stronger, even as she fought against it. Even as she tried to remind herself of the chains that would always hold him back or that their time together was almost up.
She loved him, and by the way his blue eyes were glistening as he stared at her, she had a suspicion he felt something similar for her.
For half of her.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. To continue down this path. To drag him along when she knew he’d never change. Not after how his mother died. Not after seeing how quickly his features had crumpled last night when she reminded him of her duty to her people.
How could she be so selfish, knowing it wasn’t just her that would be hurt in the end?
And just then, Cason’s hands fisted in her shirt as he tugged her against him, lips crushing hers. An arm slipped around her waist, her fingers plunging into his hair like they had a mind of their own. Moving perfectly together as if they’d been doing this for years. Reminding her why it was so easy to let herself get sucked in.
His taste, his touch, his heart.
Why did the Veil shard no longer screamfireat her? Why couldn’t it shriek and cry out and hiss every time Cason’s burning fingers found new skin to touch? Why did the bond keep getting stronger?
Brela sank into it. Despite everything, she held tighter. And she hated herself for every rushing emotion and flaring nerve and fluttering heartbeat, because shewantedthis.
Hickory smoke lingered on her tongue as Cason pulled his lips away, forehead still pressed against hers. “You aren’t getting captured. I’m not getting captured. I’ll protect you, Brela. I promise. And if that means…” He swallowed, running his thumb over her cheek to wipe away a tear. “If I have to… I will.“
“Thank you,” she whispered.
And because she knew his blue eyes would be far too tempting and break every last resolve she clung to, she slipped out of his arms without looking at him. Climbing onto her horse, she dug into her mind and began reshaping the fortress inside her. Filling it with the emotions she shouldn’t have, praying the celvusa within wouldn’t shred the remaining pieces of her heart.
* * *
I love you.
Why were the words that were so true—soright—impossible to say? He’d known it for so long, known deep down that in the end it would never work, yet he still felt it. Still wanted to whisper those beautiful three words in Brela’s ear, onto her skin, shout it across the five kingdoms.
But his tongue never seemed to work.
Maybe hers didn’t either. Maybe she needed years before she could actually love someone after what she’d gone through. Maybe she was better at shuttering those feelings, catching herself before she dared admit that she loved someone other than Farrah and Elias.
I would do or say anything to protect you.
He knew she’d spoken truthfully. She’d said the same words to him before they’d gotten to Aelstow, when she offered all of her secrets to protect her friends. Her family. Even Farrah and Elias had hinted that Brela would betray her home and her people if it meant they’d walk free.
