Iryana was pretty sure his visits to the settlements were when Pyetar was peddling, unbeknownst to Karvek. Some people from the fort clearly bought as well, but his best customers would be other settlements and posts.
Pyetar looked right at her, and Iryana dropped her gaze, moving through her techniques again. A tingle on her spine said he was still watching her. Did the tension between the brothers mean Pyetar was threatening Karvek’s rule, not wanting to listen to his orders?
Iryana had to admit she knew little about Karvek, but he seemed a just enough ruler for a military gang. Pyetar would be far worse just based on the fear he instilled and the drug operation he would grow. She didn’t want the poppy anywhere near the Kleesolds. They wouldn’t use the stuff if they weren’t desperate, but they had few alternatives these days. If someone was in enough pain and Hadima had nothing to make it stop, she would offer the poppy as a last resort. And it would inevitably be a mistake.
When she peeked back up, Darish and Karvek had moved further down the walk, talking in lowered voices she couldn’t make out.
“Hey,” Vaneshta’s voice was quiet as she walked up beside her. “You’re pushin’ yourself harder than usual.”
“Yeah.” Iryana shifted, twisting her hand on the staff.
Vaneshta didn’t say anything at first. Just watched Iryana move through a few more strikes. The silence pressed in.
“I could work with you. On the group techniques,” Vaneshta offered at last, leaning against her forged sword. “If you want.”
Iryana went still. “Oh.”
“It might help. Running them together.”
She heard what Vaneshta was really offering. Another chance. A way to rise to meet her standards. Sheshouldtake it.
But she couldn’t forget the panic from last time, the blindfold rough against her face. The fear and isolation she’d felt in an exercise that was supposed to inspire trust. You couldn’t force someone to fit; she’d learned that with Hadima’s repeated failures.
“I can’t. I—I’m good right now,” she fumbled before she could fully think it through. “Sorry.”
Iryana could feel the disappointment in Vaneshta’s gaze, the critical eye she used to judge everything Iryana did as lacking. There were many at the fort who had demanding expectations, but Vaneshta’s were the hardest to withstand.
“Right.” Vaneshta’s voice was clipped. “Well, if you change your mind…”
Iryana scratched the back of her neck, guilt coiling in her throat. “I think after last time, it’s better if I work through them on my own awhile.”
Vaneshta straightened, face hardening.
She turned just as Lidishta stormed up to them, a slight limp in her step and a bruise forming on her cheek. “Well, look at that. Your superior offers to train with you, and you turn her down. What, we not good enough to train with the fancy guardian?”
Iryana flinched. “It’s not that—I focus better alone.”
“Sure you do.” Lidishta rolled her eyes, braid snapping as she spun away, muttering something under her breath.
Iryana watched, trying to calm her thumping heart.
“Hmm.”
She turned to find Captain Darish heading down the stairs beside her, the others gone. He looked down at her distastefully as he walked past. “Sure you want to be here?”
Her hands tightened painfully around the staff.
The captain thundered through the yard gate, not looking back.
Iryana spun again, a roar in her ears, striking the dummy over and over, anything to hide the trembling in her hands.
She was so tired of not being enough, of failing. She hated it. Shedespisedit.
If the only way to show Darish she wanted to be here was to work with the others on the team, Iryana would have to suck it up. Hope she wouldn’t panic again like last time. Put herself at risk of disappointing them further.
If it weren’t already too late.
Iryana put the training weapons back on the shelf and slipped out of the yard. Running up and down the tower stairs around the fortress was just the diversion she needed. Something to clear her mind so she could figure out how to undo the strangling web she’d woven herself into.
