Begrudgingly, she turned to Vaneshta, who seemed the most likely to answer her questions at that point. “So, you’re a soldier then?”
Iryana considered the woman. Clearly Lidishta had most of the others under her thumb, but that didn’t mean she was anyone special to the brigade. Vaneshta seemed a bit less refined, rougher around the edges. Not that she wasn’t pretty, she just had a face that said she’d fuck you up if you messed with her. Seemed like the type of person to do well.
“Yep, full soldier. First rank.” There were three ranks for soldiers, Iryana remembered. That meant Vaneshta outranked most other soldiers despite her young age. She looked only a few years older than Iryana was. Vaneshta took a long drink and then wiped her mouth with her sleeve. “I have the only room with a spare bed, so I suppose you’ll be rooming with me for now. Fair warning, I snore when I’m drunk.”
She’d be sharing a room.
“They’d room an initiate with a full soldier?” she asked, trying not to sound breathless.
Vaneshta shrugged. “Usually do. Supposed to provide agood influence, or some shit like that.”
Iryana looked at the food on the table, at all the others eating in the hall. She grabbed the scarf still hanging around her neck and pulled it free, suddenly struggling to breathe.
The reality of joining the brigade sank in.Slammed into her, more like.
She would be sleeping in the barracks; no space to herself. She would eat the same meals as them, what and when their cook decided. All day she would train and do whatever proving herself entailed. There would always be someone watching.
Vaneshta started to go on about some of the basic protocols in the fort. Iryana tried to focus, but she struggled to latch onto Vaneshta’s words.
“And be sure to mind the belt if someone starts ordering you around.”
“The—what?”
“The belts. They can tell you who the officers are, their rank. Us soldiers just have light brown belts. But sergeants wear blue, captains green. And you already know who the major is.”
Iryana glanced up to Karvek, noticing the dark gold belt.
“But don’t worry, I can show you the ropes. That part’ll get easier,” Vaneshta rambled on, unaware of Iryana’s growing panic.
“Uh,” Iryana stood up; her skin felt tight. She felt for her bow and bag. “I need some air. I’ll find you later.”
She forced herself not to run, no matter how much she wanted to. Each step was casual and slow, killing her. The room was stifling. She accidentally met Pyetar’s eyes on her way out and hoped he couldn’t see her panic. He didn’t seem to react, just watched her leave.
Her vision was spinning by the time she found a quiet place outside. Her body collapsed against what was some kind of stable or shed, and hot tears burned at her eyes. Sheknewthis was beyond her capabilities, yet she had let Hadima talk her into it. She couldn’t breathe at the thought of their trials and tests, captains like Darish and Antar watching for any mistake.
A chorus of voices spun around her.What is wrong with you? Can’t you just listen for once? This is all your fault. You should have known better.She pressed her hands to her ears to shut them out, but that didn’t stop the voices in her head.
She banged her head back against the wood, staring up at the sky. It was a blur, but slowly the tears dried away, revealing the pale blue sky. Eventually, her breath slowed.
Her sister needed her to do this—her family needed her. She just had to hold out as long as she could. Hadima had hope as long as Iryana was here.
No matter what Iryana had to do for the brigade, it would be better than losing her family.
Iryana rolled her shoulders back, grabbed her things, and started walking back toward the mansion. She would get through it. One day at a time.
Chapter Ten
Iryana had spent the rest of that first morning settling into her new room, shown to her by one of the soldiers. Her room with Vaneshta wasn’t much smaller than the main room in her cottage, but there was no great stove and shelves of supplies, only a small fireplace, a table and chairs, and a washing tub. The only thing she didn’t have to share was the bed, lumpy with age, and the small chest beneath it.
Instead of finding the estate again for lunch, she’d collapsed onto one of the strange beds and let the exhaustion take her. She slept through dinner too, but there was a bowl of cold stew on the table when she’d woken up. Vaneshta had stumbled home well into the night, then proceeded to snore loudly for the rest of it.
Needless to say, despite napping most of the previous day, Iryana woke up sore, tired, and cranky.
A soldier had knocked shortly before sunrise to collect her for morning training with the other initiates. Vaneshta had slept through it.
After trying to pickup the different forms and exercises the soldiers used all morning, Iryana had joined a group for a run along the road just inside the fortresswalls. Her morning runs paid off, and she outpaced and outlasted the others by far—it was a strength she could lean into. Growing up in a guardian family had not left her wanting for combat training. Some of their forms seemed different, and she was a little out of practice with sparring, but she would catch up quickly. She was sweaty and flushed when she made it back to the barracks, Vaneshta waiting to collect her for a tour.
She’d kept her eyes peeled for any signs of the poppy, but she had seen nothing. Saw nothing particularly depraved, nor any violence either. Perhaps it was an open secret, something they didn’t talk about so they could pretend to still be honorable.
