Vaneshta stopped, snapping around to stare at Lidishta. Iryana froze a few paces behind them.
“I don’t hate you! You terrify me, always trying to match me.”
Lidishta’s shoulders sank slightly, brows twisted in confusion. “What?”
“Look.” Vaneshta sighed, glancing back at Iryana. “When the regiments were still getting established, it wasn’t as safe. We had to take more risks. We all had to step up, not just the soldiers or adults.”
Lidishta nodded, still frowning. She was there too; she would remember. The recap must have been for Iryana’s sake.
“I was… too confident. Bit off more than I should have.” Vaneshta sighed, closing her eyes briefly as her head shook. “My friends followed. I lost one of my best friends when I was ten, doing scavenging runs into the city we were holed up in at the time. She had barely begun training, so it was stupid to let her come with. We didn’t even see the dakya coming before it was too late.”
Lidishta was as silent as Iryana, both of them staring at their sergeant.
“I have no interest in seeing either of you get yourselves killed for being stupid.”
Iryana tensed. Someone saying they didn’t want her to die shouldn’t feel as sentimental as it did, but it threw her off-kilter. She knew what it was like to fail those she cared about. For them to die and her to be at fault. Her own cousin had been taken much the same way.
“You could have just said so,” Lidishta mumbled quietly, looking unsteady too.
Vaneshta was always blunt and fairly intimidating. She didn’t mince her words to make people like her. It was something Iryana could admire. Her roommate commanded respect without cruelty, but she didn’t have close friends.
Perhaps that was intentional after causing her friend’s death. Something stirred in Iryana at the thought.
“Is that why you’re so rude all the time?” Lidishta asked before Iryana could say anything. “So you don’t have to lose more friends?”
“I don’t do it on purpose, but I will not pretend to get people to like me.” Again, Vaneshta’s body tensed. “People either like me, or they don’t. It’s not my problem.”
“You know, you couldtryto make friends.”
“And I think you’re a littletooworried about people liking you.” Vaneshta’s voice was sharp, then she turned back to look at Iryana. “And you’re too worried about themnotliking you.”
Lidishta coiled up, face reddened, and Iryana knew she was about to explode at their sergeant. Iryana saw her excuse to slip away, and she hated it.
Before Lidishta could speak, Iryana snapped, “Don’t blame me for not wanting to be your friend.”
Vaneshta jerked back, eyes wide with shock. “I thought—”
Gods, it hurt, but this was the moment she had been building to.
“We’re not friends,” Iryana repeated. “We’re not going to be. I just needed your help to be accepted into the brigade.”
Then she saw the look on Vaneshta’s face, the one she had dreaded but knew would come, eventually. Disgust, realization, detachment.
It ripped right through Iryana.
“I really don’t know why you bothered coming here,” Vaneshta seethed at her. “It’s no wonder you didn’t get along with your family. Gods forbid you actually lower yourself tolikesomeone. I may not kiss people’s asses to make friends, but at least I’m not a bitch toeveryone.”
Iryana stared at Vaneshta, chest heaving, heart breaking. She was right, of course. It was Iryana’s fault. She wished she could truly be friends with Vaneshta; shelikedher. But at least Iryana got to decide how it all fell apart this time.
Lidishta looked awkwardly back and forth between them, eyes wide.
“Well,” Iryana snapped, forcing the anger to stay in her voice. “This has been enlightening. I’ll see you back at the fort.”
She turned toward the trees, marching away from them.
“Sena Iryana!” Vaneshta yelled. “Get back here; that’s an order.”
Iryana ran instead, eyes burning.
