“It’s all good,” he said with relief. Iryana opened her eyes at the sound of his voice. “It was just—” he cut off abruptly as he turned to look down at her, their faces nearly touching.
She was so aware of her lips that they almost felt like they were faintly vibrating. Her body clenched involuntarily, making her breaths shallow.
Pyetar was watching her so intensely, watching her mouth. His eyes hooded.
If she didn’t move, didn’t say something, would he kiss her? She shivered, and his lips parted at the sight. She wanted to forget all reason; she wanted to feel the weight of his body on hers. She wanted him to kiss her skin. Her neck, her shoulders.
“We can’t,” she gasped.
“I know, but don’t you wish we could?” His brow pulled together in the middle, and he looked almost confused, like he was trying to remember exactly why they couldn’t.
Her breathing was erratic; her mind was spinning. He’d been horrified when they kissed, and avoided her like she was diseased afterwards.
“If my brother found out…” Pyetar grimaced a little, though his gaze was still heavy on her. On her mouth.
“That would be… bad.” She knew how possessive Karvek was. How controlling.
“He wouldn’t killme; he hasn’t before. But he might think you’re more loyal to me and decide you aren’t useful to him anymore.” His voice was tight. “He gets rid of things that aren’t useful.”
“You’re afraid of losing someone again,” she realized. “To feel that guilt.” It was abouthim, not about her.
“And you’re not?”
She was struggling to ignore his breath on her mouth. “It’s not an option for me. One day—without Karvek—your life could be whatever you want.”
Pyetar frowned, his forehead creasing. “You say that as if it’s a certainty that I will escape my brother. I have tried countless times, and I have failed every time. He’s always found me anddealtwith those who helped me. I am tired of seeing other people get hurt.”
With that, Pyetar leaned even closer, his mouth so close to hers. She couldn’t help but let her eyes flutter shut. But the fear in her gut was strong enough that she didn’t forget it this time.
“Even if the Kleesolds survive this, keep their post, this wouldn’t be possible for me. Nothing like this would ever be possible for me. My life will be what it always was.”
“Being alone?”
“Being as close as I can,” she admitted. But with everything she had already done, everything she would surely still do, Iryana realized it might be too late for that. “I may have to leave the post for good. I may not be welcome there after all this.”
Pyetar was quiet, the sounds of the forest dancing around them, until Iryana eventually opened her eyes. He seemed to look through her, consumed entirely by his thoughts.
With a blink, his stare focused on her again.
His body tensed, and she could see the intention in his eyes. He had decided on recklessness.
Chapter Thirty-Four
A crash of longing and panic filled her, and Iryana struggled to breathe through it. Then she remembered that expression on his face again, the regret after they’d kissed, and she found control of herself.
Iryana pushed him back, not letting her hands linger on his chest. “At first light, we need to go our separate ways.”
“What?” Hurt flashed in his eyes.
“If we spend more time together, we might do something we’ll regret. And I need a plan to deal with your brother. I am not going to get that here.”
“And that isn’t something you want to work with me on?” he asked, but he was already pulling back.
“No, it’s not.” Iryana turned on her side, away from him, eyes burning.
“Why?” he demanded.
She needed him to let her go. Needed to get away from him. Iryana searched for the words that would let her.
