I fish a bill from my wallet and bend down to Jonah’s level. We're standing right in front of the airport newsstand, which is lucky.
“JoJo,” I say. “You see all that candy?”
He turns. His eyes go wide.
“Go on in and pick something out,” I tell him. “Comics too. Whatever you want.”
I press the hundred into his hand and he looks at it like I've handed him the keys to a kingdom. He's inside in three seconds flat.
Sadie and I are standing ten feet away, close enough to keep an eye on him, but with enough separation to have a private moment.
Then I step forward and take her face in my hands.
I kiss her.
One hand cupping her jaw, the other sliding into her hair, kissing her the way I should have been kissing her every single day since June. The way I'll be thinking about for the rest of my life if I let her go.
If Jonah glimpses us, I’ll explain later. I just can't let her leave without this. One last time with her in my arms. One last kiss.
When I pull back she's looking at me with those blue eyes and I can see everything in them. Her vow. New York. Wild Rose. The whole impossible equation written out plain as day, and neither of us knowing how to solve it.
“What do you think, darlin’?” I ask. “Better to have loved and lost?”
I watch her go all the way back to that moment, the two of us sitting in bed when she asked me that same question.
She laughs, a little watery. “God. I was such a fool. But you… you knew, didn’t you? You knew how much this moment would hurt. You knew it would be like this.”
“No, baby. I didn't know anything could feel like this.” I brush her hair back from her face, just to have a reason to touch her one more time. “And I'd still do it all over again in a heartbeat.I’d give everything I have to live this summer all over again. Including this moment.”
She smiles even as the tears come. My knuckles trail gingerly across her wet skin, wiping the tears away. She turns her face into my hand for just a second.
“I'll be right here,” I murmur. The same thing I said on the porch. The same promise. The only one I can make her right now.
She comes to me. Arms around my waist, cheek against my chest, her whole body leaning into mine. I pull her in tight, my lips pressing to the top of her head. I close my eyes.
I love you,I think.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
But I don’t say it. I hold it close and keep it safe and tell myself it's enough just to feel it. That saying it out loud will only make leaving harder for her. I tell myself I'm protecting her.
Sadie grabs the handle of her bag. When Jonah comes over, he throws his arms around her one more time.
“I love you,” she says, hugging him.
But her eyes are on me.
I nearly reach for her again, to pull her into my arms.
But if I do, I won’t be able to let her go. Won’t even bother begging her to stay. I’ll just scoop her up into my arms and take her right back to my truck and drive us home and not let her go, ever.
My hands curl into fists. I have to let her go.
She steps on the escalator. She rises. And then, irrepressible sunshine that she is, she turns back, waving and smiling big, and Jonah is waving too, with both hands going wide like an air traffic controller.
She laughs, and so does he.
Putting her fingers to her lips, she blows us a kiss.
