“Why not?” She tipped her head.
“Cause men don’t do that.” I bit the side of my lip.
“Some men do.” She added before taking a breath and letting it out slowly.
“I know your father didn’t give you a great impression of men, but not everyone is like him. Carl isn’t, and I don’t believe Junior is either.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “I can’t take that chance.”
“Why?” She kept going. “Because one guy years ago made you believe you didn’t deserve love or happiness? Because in the end he turned out to be like your dad?”
“He wasn’t the only one.” I reminded her.
“That might be true, but you can’t judge the whole field off one spoiled crop. Sometimes you have to take a chance that everything will work out. Yes, you might get hurt again, but trust me, love is worth that risk.”
“It’s too soon.” I argued.
Lucinda laughed. “What does time matter? I fell for Carl the moment I laid eyes on him, and that hasn’t changed once in all these years. If anything, I love that man more now than I did then. Love might take time to grow and deepen, but when you find that special one, you know it. You feel it in your heart.”
I let her words sink in. “I’m scared.” I admitted.
“That’s okay.” She smiled. “Talk to him and tell him what you’re feeling.”
“What if I don’t know what I’m feeling?”
“Then tell him that, but I think if you really search your heart, you’ll know.”
I sat there thinking about Junior. The way he always called me beautiful, even though I was moderately pretty at best. The way he challenges me to step out of my comfort zones. His signature smile, which I thought was a player move, but turned out was just him being himself. The heat I felt rushing through my body every time he looked at me. The desire I could feel coming from him each time he touched me, and yet he didn’t push.
“Sleep on it.” Lucinda suggested. “Things might look different in the morning.”
“You’re probably right.” I stood. “I should get back to work.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “But I’m here if you need to talk more.”
“Thank you.” I knew I was very blessed to have her, and I didn’t take that for granted.
***
I took Lucinda’s advice and decided to sleep on my feelings. That worked for all of a few hours. All of which I spent tossing and turning in bed just thinking over everything Junior had said. Questioning if Lucinda was right and opening up to him was worth the risk of ending up heartbroken. Could I trust that he was different? As I listened to my heart I believed I could, but then what? It wasn’t as if he would leave his family’s ranch to work here, and I couldn’t imagine going anywhere else. Where would that leave us if not lonely and miserable?
By the time I gave up on sleep it was almost two in the morning. I hadn’t been up this late since I finished college. I sat up in bed and let out a long breath. If I wasn’t going to be able to get any sleep then I might as well confront all this head on.
I slipped on some stretchy pants and a sweatshirt. I grabbed a jacket before stepping outside and walking as quickly as I could across the ranch to the guest cabins. It didn’t take long to get to where Junior was staying. I second guessed myself twice before I lifted my hand and knocked. I was just about to leave when the door cracked open.
“Bria?” Junior ran his hand over his face. His brows drawn together. “Baby, what are you doing here? Are you alright?” He opened the door wider.
“We need to talk.” I walked past him.
“At this time of night?” He closed the door and turned on the light.
“I couldn’t sleep.” I turned to face him.
“What’s wrong?” He yawned on the tail end of wrong.
“This can’t work.” I blurted out. “You have to know that, right? You live so far away, and I live here. I like my organization and you’re all about the spur of the moment. I don’t do spur of the moment. I’d be lost without my schedule. And sure, you keep telling me I’m beautiful, but eventually you are going to realize that I’m not. Then you’re going to end up with someone like that woman that keeps hitting on you, and where is that going to leave me? Broken and alone. I can’t do that again. I just can’t.”
“Wow, that was a lot.” I saw him shake his head.
