“Do you have club clothes?” Lulu whispered to me. “We’ll grab Angelica and go dancing tomorrow night. If we pick up a few cowboys, more power to us. They need to remember who we are. There are plenty of men who’d be grateful for our attention. Fuck them.”
Fuck them. I didn’t bother checking my phone, deleting his messages without opening them. It was going to be a while before my car was ready. I didn’t have enough money to buy a new one, so I’d have to wait, but I could avoid him. I’d done all right before things had become serious.
Once my car was ready, I’d leave. I didn’t need him to pick me. I’d picked myself. Dancing sounded fun. Fuck him.
Chapter eighteen
Other Fish In The Pond
Roxy
“Did you warn her about this place?” Angelica asked Lulu, sitting in the passenger seat. “The news said a girl went missing out the back last week, but they didn’t say if anyone found her.” She shifted, crossing her ankles.
“I left a few things out.” Lulu drew out the syllables. “If I had told her all the stories, she’d have said no. We’re safe if we stick to the rules.” Lulu sighed. “It’s not like we have time to do a real girl’s weekend in Phoenix.”
“The last time we were here, the boys got into a fight with some of the local cowboys. When they called the police, the sheriff specifically showed up and detained all of us. He only knows the basics, so he thought we would rat them out.”
I watched Angelica sift through her purse until she found her wallet. I watched as she slid her license through the plastic window and grabbed some cash, folding everything tight. It was all I needed to see to know exactly what type of place we were heading to—the kind where desperate women did stupid things.
I should have said something, demanding they take me back to my motel, but I didn’t. I’d been sixteen the first time I’d run and hid in a place that sounded eerily similar. It had been a warehouse, converted into a club, where no one gave two fucks what you wore. As long as I hadn’t tried to order an alcoholic drink, thebouncers had left me alone. It had been my sanctuary, safer than being at home with my mother and her then drug-dealing boyfriend.
I said nothing, knowing I could handle whatever this place offered but not comfortable at the idea of relieving a past I’d thought I’d put behind me.
Lulu killed the engine before they both leaned over the center console to peer at me. “Ground rules,” Lulu said, smiling wide. “Leave your phone here. You’ll never notice it’s gone until you get a ransom note from across the border. Don’t ask me how I know.” She palmed her face, shaking her head.
“No purse. Put your money and your license in your bra,” Angelica chimed in.
“We go in pairs to the restroom. No exception.” Lulu pointed her finger at me, as if I was the one who would get them killed.
Angelica turned her head to face Lulu. “Did we forget anything?”
“I don’t think so.” Lulu faced me again. “Questions?”
“Why are we doing this again? It doesn’t sound fun.” Lulu had sold tonight as a girl’s trip without leaving town. Dancing, drinking, and flirting. If she had told me there were rules, I wasn’t sure I would have agreed.
It wasn’t about being afraid. I’d been to plenty of places with rules—biker bars, clubs, and underground raves. They all had the same edge of danger. Rules didn’t instantly mean something to fear. They were more about survival, and I was tired of constantly dodging the sinkholes looking to swallow me whole. I wanted more, something for myself without the scars and the warnings. I didn’t know if there was a future like that for someone like me.
“To remind ourselves there are other fish in the sea.” Lulu meant well, but she was trying too hard to forget she was still swimming in the same pond. “They might even come with less bullshit.”
New prospects didn’t excite me. Men required work, and I wasn’t interested in playing emotional interpreter just to make them feel like men. More rules, and if I wasn’t perturbed at Lulu, I might have found humor in the irony.
Don’t flirt too hard, but make sure they feel attractive.
Don’t oversell yourself.
Dress to impress, but not like you need attention.
Jimmy was in the past. After he had sat in the saloon playing yes-man to Ripper, any respect I’d had for him had died a slow, painful death. He wasn’t a man, but I didn’t have the heart to autopsy two years of bad choices. They were there, waiting for me to close the door.
The future didn’t seem so bright either, as I realized I had fallen into the same trap. I’d accepted scraps for so long, I thought that was what I deserved. Cactus would show up for a few hours, and even though nothing had happened, I was fine accepting whatever energy he had left. It wasn’t enough. I wanted to be first in my man’s life, and Cactus didn’t have room for one more.
He was the Sergeant at Arms, and the club would always come first. If he wasn’t running to do their bidding, then Angelica and Bri were next. I wasn’t angry about that, and I didn’t resent his family. It was just the way it was.
I hadn’t heard from him. Someone must have leaked that I had deleted the text messages the morning we cleaned up the saloon. He’d taken my silence seriously.
Lulu opened her door and stepped out of the car. We heard her huff before she leaned down. “Aces will pick me one day.” She hesitated for a second. “Doesn’t mean I’ll say yes.” She nodded at Angelica. “When was the last time you had a real date?” She then looked at me over the headrest. “You ghosted, so now what?”
“Aces is too much of an asshole to be a real dom. If you’re looking for someone who might actually want to fulfill your needs, we could always find a dungeon or something.” I threw the idea out there, knowing the men would hate it if they heard us. “Think about it. You walk in, you tell some hot dom what you want, and they actually do it. No ego-stroking bullshit needed, or so I’ve heard.”
