“Are you crying?”
I was, but I didn’t want to talk about it. He moved a little, like he might have been about to let go, but I hung on tighter so we stayed there hugging with the dishes stacked in his sink. Then he suggested that I’d feel better if we sat on the couch and watched film on his Woodsmen tablet. It really just meant him watching, but he kept his arm around me, and I closed my eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Kiya asked me the next day at lunch. “You’re too pale again.”
Victoria was napping at her desk but Taylor was here to chime in. She leaned closer and studied me. “Yep, your eyes are swollen. Why were you crying?”
“What did he do?” Kiya demanded, and Tay clenched up her fist.
“If you mean Ronan, then nothing,” I answered. “He didn’t do anything.”
“And that’s the problem,” Kiya announced.
“No, it isn’t!” I snapped back, and her mouth fell open.
“Ok. I’m sorry, Cate.”
I took in a breath. “No, I didn’t mean to be rude. I was upset because yesterday was the anniversary of when my dad died, and I went to Ronan’s house and cried, and then he asked me to move in with him, and I don’t know what to do.”
Both of them sat frozen, gaping at me. Taylor revived first. “Your dad died? A year ago?” She leaned over the table and hugged me, crushing her lunch bag. “Christ! I’m so sorry.”
Kiya hugged me from the other side. “Cate, oh my God! We didn’t know!”
“I didn’t think it would bother me that much,” I told them. “We weren’t close. But it did, and I ended up crying on Ronan.”
“And then he asked you to move in?” Tay questioned.
I had fallen asleep as he’d watched the video clips of the offense he would be facing tomorrow. It had been very cozy, curled up like that. His couch was comfortable even without his pillows and he was a naturally warm person, very solid and with an arm that was nice and heavy to hold you against him. So I’d fallen asleep, and I’d only opened my eyes because he was gently shaking me.
“Cate. I hate disturbing you, but you have to drive back home. You have work tomorrow and you don’t have your stuff here toget dressed. Cate, I don’t want to do this, but you have to get up,” he’d been telling me. Gradually, I’d roused.
I explained that to my lunchroom friends. “I conked out on his couch and when he woke me up, he said that it would make more sense if we lived together,” I told them.
“We’re together almost every night, anyway,” Ronan had said. “We eat dinner, we hang out. You’re here on weekends or we’re doing stuff. Car repairs would be easier for you because I have my lift.”
I had been yawning and hadn’t understood until he spelled it out: when my lease was over, as I’d just told him it would be soon, I could move into his house. “You could also have a pet, like a cat that wasn’t undead,” he had tempted.
“Holy Christ,” Taylor breathed. She and Kiya had returned to gaping. “Are you serious?”
“This sounds like what my dad would call ‘putting the cart before the horse,’” Kiya said.
“No, it wouldn’t be. Because we’d be roommates, like you guys are,” I responded, and they looked at each other. “He’s my friend and I love being with him.”
“So, you’re considering this,” Taylor said slowly. “Cate. Really? You’ve told us repeatedly how much you love living alone.”
“We know that you think our condo is disgusting,” Kiya said, and they both nodded. “You go like this when you visit us.” She mimicked the same face that Eddie had previously described,the one I’d made when I saw that the new flooring in the Junior Woodsmen gym and locker room was the wrong color.
Tay nodded again. “You told us how awesome your apartment is and how you don’t want a roommate,” she reminded me. “No one’s eating your food, no one’s making piles of clothes in the living room.”
“No one’s leaving dishes in the sink, no one is inviting over guests. No one’s making noise and keeping you up late,” Kiya continued. “I love you, Tay-Tay, but sometimes when she talks about it…”
Taylor nodded. “It doesn’t always sound so bad to be alone. By the way, all the clothes in the living room are yours, Kiya.” They had a disagreement about that.
“You’re both right,” I said when they were done. “Those reasons are exactly why I don’t want a roommate.”
“You especially don’t want Ronan as a roommate,” Kiya told me. “That situation would be complicated.”
“Not necessarily,” I responded. He had presented a few more ideas about it as he’d walked me to my car and he’d been persuasive.
