“No, it’s not you. I’ve also been keeping away from Victoria and I’m driving Taylor crazy with how I’ve been refusing to leave our condo. It kind of has a smell…anyway, I’ve been upset with everyone, all the time.”
We arrived at her car and she hugged me before she got into it, leaving me to watch her drive away. I went to the gym, where I thought about my butt and set a steep incline on the treadmill, and then I returned to my own apartment. I had re-checked the lease and it definitely said that there were no pets allowed, not my own or those belonging to any visitor, and not even a fish. I carefully removed some of my nice pillows before I sat and decided that next weekend, I would bring Polyphemus home with me.
Ronan texted that night, checking in. “Were you lonely at the gym?”
“It was quieter,” I answered. He wasn’t loud but he usually had something to talk about. “Are you lonely at the team hotel?” For the sake of research, I’d driven by the place on my way home from working out, and it looked very nice. Staying in a nice place didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be lonely, though.
“I’m good. Don’t worry.”
I wasn’t worried, because he was an adult who was old enough to take care of himself and devise his own entertainment. “Do football players make friends with each other?” I asked him. No, I wasn’t worried but it would have been nice for him if that happened. And if anyone could attract people into friendship, it was Ronan.
“They do. A lot of the guys here are already friends and I’m meeting them.”
I thought of how things had gone for me when I’d started at new schools, the crowds that you had to walk around rather thanthrough, the eyes on you. My success despite that pressure was one of my accomplishments.
But I could admit that it had sucked. I hoped it wasn’t sucking for him.
“No, it doesn’t,” he answered when I asked him that. I could imagine him smiling as he wrote. “Nothing sucks. I’m playing for the Woodsmen.”
I had a hard time sleeping that night because I was thinking about the game tomorrow and I was thinking again about Kiya, too. She’d been sad and angry but she hadn’t blamed me for that. She’d left her Cado after he hadn’t seemed ready or able to give her what she wanted, and she knew what that was.
As did I. I knew exactly what I wanted and I always had: a steady career and a safe home. Right now, I also wanted sleep and that wasn’t coming.
But finally, it was morning. I went to the stadium early, very early. As an employee, I was allowed through the gate but I really had nothing to do once I was there. I walked to the outside concourse, where the cheerleaders performed before the game and where the Community Relations department had set up booths for various charities and activities. Why hadn’t I thought about this? I should have done one for the Junior Woodsmen! I decided that I would try at the next home game, if there was space. At the least, I could advance my marketing campaign and put up banners advertising the team. There was probably enough money left in the budget…
I wasn’t going to worry about that today. I approached one of the guys trying to hang a sign on a booth. “Hi, I’m Cate from the Office of Special Projects. Can I help?”
“Office of special whats? Sure, I’d love it,” he told me. Time went by faster if you were busy.
Eventually, they opened the doors to the stadium and we were allowed to go inside to watch the players stretch and warm up on the field. When he’d seen the tickets I’d gotten, Ed had been thrilled but had also warned me to bring binoculars. “They’re pretty high up,” he’d explained, and he was correct. We were so high that I understood why these seats were called “nosebleed” and I didn’t think that I’d been able to even see this row when we’d taken the stadium tour for new employees.
I sat by myself for a while, scanning the field through my binoculars. Then Ed texted that he’d arrived and I walked down the concrete steps to meet him. “Holy cow, that was some traffic!” he told me when I saw him at the concession stand. He happily took the beer I offered and we went back to the seats. “I haven’t been to a Woodsmen game in about twenty…maybe twenty-five years,” he mentioned. “I don’t remember it being so bad.” He kept talking and I realized that he was nervous.
“Ronan is going to play great,” I told him. “You don’t need to worry.”
My words didn’t work. “A lot depends on this preseason,” he told me, his grey eyebrows lowering and his forehead crinkling with concern. “If he does well, it will make a difference.”
I nodded. If he did well, he might get to play during the regular season. He might sign a contract at the end of it that would give him a much bigger payout than the one reserved for rookies and it could have been for multiple years, granting him security for the future. The preseason meant a lot.
“I’m sure that he’s going to be great,” I reiterated and I tried to feel secure in that myself. He would be. He would, right?
Judas Priest. I hoped so.
We watched as the players completed their warm-up and some of them chatted with visitors on the sidelines, and as we stared through our binoculars, we didn’t say much. They returned to the locker room as the stadium continued to fill, and the applause was enough to hurt my ears when they came out again for game time. The anthem played and I remembered standing up and sitting down, and then we watched the coin toss which Ed interpreted for me.
“The Woodsmen will kick off and then the defense will come out to start this half,” he yelled over the cheering and screaming. I had never done much of that before—this was the first sporting event I’d ever attended and I’d never been to a concert or show, nothing like that. My college graduation had been in a stadium (not this big) but I hadn’t attended it because I’d been with my dad, and I wouldn’t have been yelling, anyway. This situation with all the noise was a little overwhelming but I could handle it.
I could also handle my anxiety, which skyrocketed as Ronan and the rest of the guys took the field. This was about him, not me. I watched through my binoculars, gripping them until my fingershurt. I saw Ronan take his place facing the giant O-linemen. We couldn’t hear the other quarterback yelling from way up here, but suddenly everyone sprang into action.
Brutal action. Ronan collided with the guy across from him, who did a pretty good job of defending his rush. I winced and felt myself recoil—even from this distance, it had looked terrible. It happened two more times before the other team had to kick it away and he and the rest of the defense went back to the bench, which was molded plastic and not metal. Also, they had big fans for the players even though it wasn’t hot, and there was plenty of water. I was positive that they hadn’t carried it out themselves.
“He did fine,” Ed said, and patted my hand. At that point, I realized I had grabbed his arm, so I let go and apologized. “He looked a little hesitant but I understand that. This is pretty different from playing on the Junior Woodsmen field. He’ll get into the grove of things.”
“It’s exciting,” I said, even though I didn’t actually feel that way. I mostly felt nervously sick, but luckily no one would have been able to tell because I disguised my emotions. We watched as the Woodsmen offense did nothing and the ball hardly moved at all, and then Ronan came out again. I put both hands around the binoculars so that I would leave Ed alone and I leaned forward in my orange seat.
The other offense tried a running play for their first attempt, but it didn’t result in a lot of yards. So the next time, the quarterback dropped back. He was looking to throw but I was looking at Ronan.
He moved so fast. He had leaped forward and tossed off the offensive lineman, so that the guy stumbled and almost fell. Then he was hurtling toward the QB and there was nothing that anyone could do to stop him. At the last moment, the quarterback cringed down and put both arms over the ball but then he was flat on the ground.
