She took her home with her wherever she went.
It wasn’t about exploring new places. It was following Dad wherever he needed to be, because home was with him and with me, her family.
Without a home, I’m adrift. I may think I have freedom, but all I have is myself.
What if I learned the wrong lesson from my childhood? I thought it taught me resilience and independence, but what if the lesson is that home is the people you love, wherever you are?
I close the laptop, and every part of me is humming.
A new thought sneaks its way into my head. What if I didn’t move on? What if this is the last stop?
Instead of finding new places and new people, what if I already had a place where I belonged?
23
BROOKE
Islide my arms into my coat as I head for the door. My purse is where I left it on top of the cardboard box, and I snatch it up and grab my car keys out of the side pocket. I need to get to Joel; I need to find out if there’s still a chance. I have to find out if there is a place for me here. And if there is, I’ll unpack my things and burn even single cardboard box in this house.
I’ll buy nice furniture and print off family photos and put them in a frame. I’ll get a cat and grow an herb garden and plant an apple tree. I’ll join a local club and make friends, and get to know my neighbors. I’ll take a local cooking class and host a dinner party for all my new friends, and never eat another takeout meal. Well, not never, but I’ll never eat another takeout meal alone.
I pull open the door and jump back in fright. Joel is standing there with his hand raised, as if he’s about to knock.
Our eyes lock, and he looks wilder than I remember. There are dark smudges under his eyes, and his hair is scruffy.
“You scared me.”
My heart’s racing, but it’s not from the shock of finding a man at my door. I’d forgotten how handsome Joel is, how his muscles bulge out of his t-shirt, how his intense gaze makes me feel like butterflies are beating their wings in my chest.
His gaze drops to the keys in my hand, the purse slung over my shoulder, and he takes a step backward. “Sorry, you’re on your way out.”
“No,” I say a little too quickly.
He frowns at the keys dangling from my hand.
“I mean, I was…”
I’m not sure why he’s here, and suddenly I’m unsure of myself. I was about to rush to him, to tell him how I feel, but now that he’s here, I falter. What if he’s changed his mind? What if he’s here to talk about Dana, and I missed my chance?
“Why are you here?” It comes out abruptly, and Joel takes another step back.
“I mean, it’s okay that you are. Do you want to come in?”
I’m rambling and awkward, but I step aside quickly and Joel sidesteps past me into the apartment. I catch his scent as he passes and breathe in deep, making the butterflies beat harder against my rib cage.
Joel scans the entryway as he walks through to the kitchen, and I suddenly see it from a stranger’s point of view. The unpacked boxes, the bare walls, the lack of permanence. I don’t even have a house plant.
“You’re getting ready to move on again,” he says dully.
“No,” I say too quickly.
He indicates the boxes. “I’ve disturbed your packing. I’ll go.”
“No,” I say again. “I’m not packing. I never unpacked.”
“Oh,” he says.
He runs a hand over the box stacked by the kitchen table, and it comes away with a layer of dust.
