“I’ve got a video interview for a position I applied for,” she says without looking up.
I set the coffee on the table. “That’s great,” I say weakly. If she’s applying for jobs, it means she’s leaving Hope, and it’s hard to be happy about that. “Where abouts?”
She glances up for the first time, and I try to hide my expression. “It’s just north of Wilmington, on the coast.”
She says it casually as if she hasn’t just ripped my heart out. Brooke is leaving after the year ends. She told me this; I knew this, but hearing it on her lips makes the reality of it hit home.
“But I want to see you again.” I sound like a petulant child who’s just had his new toy taken away. But that’s how it feels. I’ve finally found someone I want to get close to, and she’s leaving.
“Is that a good idea?” she says.
I wince at her words.
“Do you regret what happened last night?”
She sets her phone down on the bed. “No. Not at all. It was…” she searches for the word “…incredible.”
A smile dances on her lips, those same lips that called out my name and begged me for more, that I kissed until they were swollen and that she pressed to my chest.
My skin burns for her, and I sit next to her on the bed and take her hands in mine.
“We have a connection, Brooke. I want to explore it.”
She bites her bottom lip and takes a long time answering.
“I’m leaving in six months, Joel. I move on. That’s what I do.”
My heart sinks at her words. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered she is only here temporarily, but to hear her say it so bluntly is a harsh reminder. Besides, I didn’t realize how inflexible she was.
“Don’t you ever consider staying in one place? Surely you want to settle down sometime?”
She shakes her head, and there’s a sad smile on her face. “I don’t think so.”
I stand up and run a hand through my hair. This is not how I expected this morning to go. Not after what we shared last night, not after the time we’ve spent together. We’ve been a team. We work.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “But I’m here for another six months. We could hang out till then.”
“Hang out?” I repeat the phrase back to her. “What does that mean, be friends?”
If that’s all she’s offering, maybe I’ll have to take it, but I don’t think I can be just friends with Brooke.
“Friends with benefits.” She gives me a hopeful smile.
For a moment, I imagine what that would be like. Making love to Brooke, having her, possessing her body, but never reallypossessing her. Never being able to call her mine. Then saying goodbye after six months.
I sit down warily at the table. “I don’t do casual.”
When I look up, her hopeful smile is gone.
“I have the girls to think about. I can’t let someone into their lives who’s going to leave. I’m sorry, I respect your lifestyle, but that won’t work for me.”
“Oh.” She looks down and blinks quickly.
The last thing I want is to make her cry. I move back to the bed. “And it’s not just the girls.” I sigh heavily, thinking about the other reason, the big reason why I haven’t dated in four years. “I can’t say goodbye again to someone I love. Because there is no way I’ll spend six months with you and not be in love with you.”
I’m halfway there already, but I can’t admit that to her. “I was devastated when Mina passed away. It’s taken a long time to repair that and be ready to move on. I can’t risk my heart on something that’s ending in six months. I can’t do that again.”
She looks up, and her eyes are shining. “I’m sorry, Joel. This is the only life I know. I have to keep moving, it’s in my blood. I wouldn’t know how to stay even if I wanted to.”
