“Whewww this is too much.” Turning my head again, I fell the fuck out laughing. Out of nowhere, Mila stopped crying andcleared her throat. “Okay, that is your time. Two minutes is all we ask from everyone.” Hearing her say that I was no more good. How you falling out, but no nonsense about the time as well. “Devin, please send Juicy home well.” I don’t know why, but I was nervous. This was her first impression of me, so I knew I had to do it right.
“Friends and loved ones of Juicy. I want you to dry your eyes. He swam a good life and has now swum to glory. Use those tears to fill a new tank for his brother in waters and remember the good times you had with Juicy. Bow your heads and give a moment of silence.” I was not trying to go over my time, so I wrapped my shit up nice and sweet. “Swim on brother Juicy.” Brianna grabbed the bowl, and we marched the fish to the toilet. Mila dumped him in and flushed it.
When we got back to the front room, this lil girl walked up and shook her mama hand as if she was really a stranger singing at the funeral. When she made it over to me, she did the same thing.
“You said some nice things about Juicy. Thank you for your kind words. Next time, don’t talk so low and make sure you say some kind words to the family.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I’m going to lay down now, I need to grieve.” Brianna walked her to her bedroom and came back moments later. I could no longer contain my laugh.
“I’m sorry about all of that. She’s a bit extra. I think she gets that from your side.”
“I’m just trying to understand how she the murderer but tore up because Juicy is gone.” Brianna laughed and this was the first time today I didn’t want to kill her ass.
“This is her fourth fish funeral. Your daughter is a serial killer.”
“Why the hell you keep buying more fish?”
“Because she doesn’t understand. She takes them out because she wants them to play with her, and then gets mad when they won’t. They’re cheap and it’s easier to just replace them.” I shook my head at her logic.
“Yall going to jail. You’re an accomplice at this point.” She threw her hands up and we both laughed before sitting on the couch.
“I really fucked this up, huh? I’m not sure if I said it before, but I’m sorry.” I don’t know if I was ready to forgive her fully, but our main concern now was Mila.
“I’ll give you time. I’m not sure if my mama gone be as forgiving or if she gone give you grace, so figure that shit out fast.”
“I’m already knowing. Thank you, Devin.” I nodded and stood to walk out.
“Make sure you lock the doors behind me. I’ll face time you later, so I can see Mila before she goes to bed.”
“She takes her bath at-…” I cut her off.
“I know, at eight.” We both smiled and I left out. After fighting my way through the reporters, I got in my car and headed back to the hotel. Once I was inside and settled in, I went straight to google and pulled up everything I could about autism. When Brianna called me to let me know it was time, I would be ready.
27-BLAISE MONROE
After taking Mila out of the tub, I did our normal routine. I was glad she still called herself grieving because I had a lot on my mind. It was hard dealing with the mental of people with conditions because you didn’t know how they internalized things. On the outside it could seem like they are fine, but then they start acting out and you don’t know the reason why.
“Mommy, don’t forget to kiss my berry.” Leaning down, I did as she asked before taking a seat on her bed. At first, I was going to wait, but with everything going on and the media making sure it’s televised, I decided to do it now.
“Jam, I need to talk to you.”
“Okay.” She stared at me waiting for me to finish and I took a deep breath.
“Mommy should have told you this a long time ago, but at the time I didn’t see the need to. I thought Devin was going to be too busy because of his job, so I decided to raise you by myself. When I gave birth to you, I met Garrett and he didn’t want you to be without a daddy, so he raised you as his. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” She looked at me and thought it over for a while.
“I think you’re saying you’re a liar. Is that what you’re saying, mommy?”
“No… Well, I guess I am.” I was taken aback and had no idea how to soften that reality. “I didn’t mean to and I’m sorry. While Garrett stepped in, Devin is your biological father.”
“So, I have two daddies.” I didn’t know how to tell her there was no way in hell I was allowing Garrett back around her after the things he said, but I think she had enough shock for today.
“Yes, as long as everyone is okay with still playing their part, but Devin is your real father.”
“He’s nice. I don’t mind him being my daddy. Do you think he will like me?”
“He will love you, Jam. You’re the best daughter ever.” Her smile lit up the room and I gave her another kiss before tucking her under the blanket. “Are you okay with everything I told you?”
