‘Very well,’ Oliver huffed, standing now, and pacing back and forth in front of her. ‘Yes, I bought you the book because I feel guilty.’ Finally, his blue eyes lifted to meet hers, his mouth twitching at the edge. ‘I feel guilty. And I thought if I did something for you, something selfless, it would make me feel better. But it doesn’t really.’ He tapped a rhythm into his palm with his knuckle, not looking at her. ‘It just makes me feel worse.’
‘Oliver, you don’t have to feel guilty.’ Ava’s voice was quiet. Firm. ‘I know.’
‘You … know?’
‘I know you love him.’
Something cracked in Oliver’s expression. ‘I don’t … Did Bertie say something? She’s never liked me, Ava. She’ll tell you anything you want to hear to get you to do Lillian’s bidding. Youknowthat.’
‘Oliver—’ Ava stood then, coming to stand beside her brother. He was shaking, she realized, for when he reached to push his blond-brown hair from his eyes his fingers were juddering. Clumsy. ‘Bertie didn’t need to tell me. I’ve seen it. Perhaps I didn’t understand it at the time, but—’
‘Ava, stop.’ Oliver wouldn’t look at her. He was staring at his hands, one fingernail sunk so deep into the skin it was as though he wanted to draw blood. ‘Don’t say anything more.’
‘But—’ she continued firmly, her voice low as she reached for her brother’s hand; clasping it tightly. ‘I think now I do understand. The bond that sits between the pair of you – it’s always been strong, but I misread it. I assumed it was friendship. Kinship. But it wasn’t, was it? It was something more than that.’
‘Ava—’ Oliver blinked, tears tracking in white lines through the dust and dirt, the travel grime that painted his cheeks. ‘Please.’
‘And then I looked back on how it had been with us as children – the three of us, and saw that really, we had always been in twos. You and I. You and Jem. Jem and I. And perhaps that was because we both loved him. We both saw the exact same thing within him.’
Oliver tried to slide his hand from hers, but she held tight.
‘What I’m trying to say, Oliver, is that I understand.’ She gave his hand a squeeze. ‘How could I not? I loved him, too. And when he proposed, I thought he loved me. But then the more I thought about it, the more that made sense as well. He was torn, Oliver. Between us. And that is why he had to end things with me. He couldn’t choose which of us he loved more.’
Oliver let out a choked sob, and yanked his hand from hers. ‘Oh God,’ he said. ‘Ava, no. That’s not – that’s not what happened. That’s not why he ended the proposal.’
A line dimpled her forehead. ‘What do you mean?’
He stood a little apart from her, his eyes shining, though at least he was looking at her now – his brows slanted downwards, his expression pleading. ‘It was my idea,’ he said, shunting the words through his teeth as though they would scald him.
Ava frowned a little. ‘What was your idea?’
‘The proposal.’
Her frown deepened, as she tried to let the words settle. Tried to understand them. ‘You mean you … asked him to choose me?’
Oliver bit down on his lip. ‘No, Ava. Iaskedhim to propose to … so thatwe…’ He swallowed, his words coming out tighter, now. Tauter. ‘I thought that if he married you, we could be together. That no one would suspect us – because we would have a reason. A good reason. I’d be his brother-in-law, and—’
He broke off, his gaze searching hers for her reaction. ‘Ava, you have to believe me, I had no idea how much it would hurt you.’
Ava blinked, feeling a warm wetness streak her cheek, and when she spoke her voice was a breath, a cracked whisper: ‘I don’t understand.’
‘You have always been such good friends, I thought it would be a continuation of that. I thought it was a kind idea—’
‘A kind idea?’ Ava was trying desperately to keep her gaze upon her brother, though now her vision blurred. ‘Kind because … what? Because no one else would wish to marry me? Because then the problem of your spinster sister would be fixed?’
‘No, Ava—’
She shook her head, turning her gaze to her feet, watching her tears speckle her slippers in sliding brown circles. ‘I thought he loved me. I thought I loved him, too.’
‘I know.’ Oliver stepped towards her, a hand reaching for her shoulder. ‘And once I realized that, I saw how wrong I had been to even … to even imagine it. You have to believe me, Ava, I never wanted to hurt you. Neither of us did. Not like this.’
She looked up at him, his expression a mirror for the wrenching pain she felt inside, and yet she flinched from his grip. ‘So you were going to use me?’ Her voice was shaking now. ‘Use my love for the both of you, and hide behind me. And in return, you would have given me a life that was a lie. A life I might have thought was perfect, and happy, but it would only ever be a lie.’
‘But you knowwhy, Ava,’ said Oliver, his voice low now. Urgent. ‘It’s illegal, Ava. If anyone found out we would both go to prison. Christ, it wasn’t that long ago that it was punishable by execution.’
‘I know it’s illegal!’ Her voice was a ragged whisper, a sharp hiss between her teeth. ‘I knowfull wellit is illegal, Oliver. And if you are asking me if I would tell anyone, then the answer is no. No matter how furious I am at you. No matter how hurt. I wouldn’t do that, Oliver, becauseI love you. By Jove, do you know how manyhoopsI have leaped through for Lillian to protect you? How many more I will leap through before this week is out?’ She looked at him, hot tears sliding down her cheeks. ‘How could you evenask me that?’
‘Because I didn’t know,’ said Oliver. ‘I didn’t know if you would—’
