‘No?’
‘No.’
‘Well, here’s to your twenty years.’
Danny worried that he was forcing an inappropriate parallel between their relationships, an imposter crassly elbowing his way into someone’s celebrations. After their glasses clinked, they both fell silent, saved only by the arrival of Luis.
Chapter TwoSpeeches
While Emma introduced Luis to several important guests his eyes sought out Danny, giving him an apologetic smile, able to imagine the awkward exchanges he had missed. Luis hadn’t fussed with the dress code, merely unbuttoning his collar and taking off his tie. Yet he still managed to be the best dressed-man at the party, wearing Burberry cotton trousers, shot through with silk which gave them a shimmer in the evening sun. Over the years he had maintained a rigorous routine at the gym and his shoulders remained broad while his once coal-black hair was now a salt-and-pepper mix. To many observers Danny and Luis appeared to have little in common. A keen long-distance runner, slim in stature, Danny had a discreet strength whereas Luis looked like he once enjoyed team sports. Luis’s thoughtprocess was rooted in facts and to the point; he was knowledgeable on a wide range of subjects and able to converse in three languages. By contrast Danny’s thoughts hopscotched from subject to subject, often sounding jumbled in the only language he knew. What seemed to be an odd couple was eventually reframed, as onlookers assigned them familiar roles – some version of a husband and a wife.
John strode off to greet Luis while Danny stayed put in the herb garden, watching as Emma and John escorted Luis through the social groups that he himself had drifted past without a word. Luis, as a man, was recognizable to these people as one of their own, distinguished, professional, successful, with a sturdy Swiss wristwatch. After spending an acceptable amount of time mingling Luis took leave of the conversations and arrived at Danny’s side where they stood for a moment, unsure whether a kiss might be a spectacle. At a private party like this people would notice but probably no one would care. However, caution had so muddied their minds that it required a conscious effort to push any concerns aside. In the end, Danny kissed Luis on the lips with as much propriety as if he were placing a full stop at the end of a sentence. Luis, in response, took hold of the frayed-string racket, spinning it in his hands.
Danny observed, ‘No one else has dressed up.’
Luis glanced at the other guests.
‘But you knew this before you arrived, no? You wanted to turn up and play the odd one out.’
Danny considered the idea.
‘I’ve never needed to play at being the outsider.’
Standing on the steps to the conservatory Emma clinked a knife against a glass, signalling that the moment had arrived for speeches. Parents gathered their children as the waiters topped up champagne flutes in preparation for a toast. Keen to hear every word Danny and Luis took up positions close to the front. Danny had always loved speeches, not political or professional speeches but ceremonial ones at birthdays, weddings or anniversaries. Witty or drunken, he loved them all, but his favourite kind were emotional speeches where lips trembled and words faltered.
John spoke first. Even though he was a partner at one of the most ruthlessly adversarial London law firms, his manner outside of court was that of an absent-minded academic, able to afford this bumbling, bespectacled English gentleman routine because there was never any question of him not being taken seriously.
‘When I asked Emma to marry me, I was sure that the answer would be no. My destiny, I believed, was to be the man she dated while she figured out what she did and didn’t want from a relationship. The truth is that she should have said no. I wasn’t ready for her. I wasn’t good enough, not even close. Instead of ditching me to find the man she was looking for, she gave me the chance to become the man shewas looking for and a husband worthy of her. She taught me everything that is important in life. Here we are, all these years later, with our beautiful children and our dearest friends. I’m forever grateful to Emma for seeing in me someone I didn’t know I could be.’
Moved by the tenderness of his words Emma took a beat to collect herself before joking, ‘I knew I should’ve gone first.’
After the laughter subsided she began, ‘It has been brought to my attention that I can seem annoyingly happy most of the time, infuriatingly optimistic and irritatingly upbeat. But when I met John, I was lost. I’d been hurt and hurt again and I was one heartbreak away from becoming jaded. John taught me that love could be healing, that it didn’t involve anger or manipulation. He showed me that love can lift you up, it can make you tall and it can be straightforward without any agenda other than our mutual happiness. He is the best husband and father a woman could wish for.’
The guests raised their glasses saying ‘to John and Emma’ or ‘to Emma and John’. Danny also raised his glass, unable to join in the chorus of toasts because he was crying. Luis turned to him, observing his tears. On the cusp of asking what was wrong, Luis caught himself. A sentimental soul, who often cried, tears from Danny needed no explanation. Except as the guests broke apart Danny wanted to explain – but Luis was already congratulating the married couple.
Chapter ThreeWhat Are We Talking About?
By the end of the party Danny was drunk on rum punch having eaten nothing more than mint leaves and melon cubes. As the sky grew dark the party became a more adult affair. Waiters lit candles inside silk lanterns that hung from the conservatory to the chestnut tree. Those staying late sat on oversize Marrakech-made cushions around a log-burning fire pit. Danny shared a cushion with Luis, even though there were plenty to spare, making a show of the fact that they were the only gay couple at this party. Someone asked how they met. Danny wondered why of all the couples here only they were being asked this question, as if their love story were all beginning and no middle. Luis replied, ‘We’re pre-internet and pre-apps. We met the old-fashioned way, face to face in a bar.’
When they finally said goodbye Danny told Emma and John that their anniversary was as perfect as their wedding, a winter ceremony that took place in the great hall of a stately manor under a floral arch of delphiniums, cow parsley and lupins with a foot of snow outside. Because Emma’s father had been terminally ill, they had brought the wedding forward to ensure that he could attend. His short speech, in a rasping voice, moved everyone to tears. Recalling these details Danny wondered why they hadn’t also celebrated their anniversary in the winter. Emma replied that it didn’t matter when you celebrate so long as you celebrate. Danny marvelled at this wisdom. John gave him a pat on the back while Emma kissed him on the cheek, calling him adorable and congratulating him on every crumb of his coconut cake being eaten. He’d congratulated their anniversary. They’d congratulated his baking.
Uncharacteristically quiet in the cab home Danny cracked open the window to allow in a breeze. He said, ‘It didn’t bother you? The way they spoke about our relationship?’
Luis was confused by the question.
‘How did they speak about us?’
Danny took a moment to find the right word.
‘It wasn’t belittling?’
Luis shook his head.
‘It didn’t feel that way to me.’
Danny had the ability to feel fifty things at once and he often checked in with Luis for a read. Meanwhile, Luis depended on Danny for a sensitivity to emotional undercurrents, often underestimating the value of gestures such as baking a cake rather than buying one. With a steadying hand on Danny’s knee, Luis said, ‘We’re almost home.’
Home was a one-bedroom attic apartment in Kennington – a Georgian townhouse divided into apartments in the 1960s, with the top floor enjoying sloping skylights, uneven wood floors and a balcony with views towards the housing estates of Elephant and Castle. Climbing the narrow flight of communal stairs, Danny dropped his keys before reaching their front door.
