Danny asked, ‘How many people have you saved tonight?’
Putting his hand on Danny’s knee, Chris said, ‘Just one, Danny. Go home.’
Chapter Thirty-OneAn Unexpected Arrival
By skipping the festive parties and working overtime, Danny rebuilt the small financial reserve spent on the engagement ring. Spent or squandered, he asked himself. His mind now existed in twin-track realities. In one universe he was marrying; in the other he was breaking up. Apart from gifts for close colleagues the only present he had bought this year in the event of Luis’s return was an antique brass pocket compass from Camden Passage market, once belonging to a United States soldier from the First World War, with the letters ‘US’ engraved on the top – like the reading lamp, too sentimental had he asked for it. At home he would occasionally open the compass and watch the dial find north, a gift symbolizing togetherness or the search for it.
Walking to the hospital on Christmas Eve his phone rang.He expected it to be Luis every time. But it was his mother. After sharing the news of Luis’s departure with Sophie, he’d decided to tell his parents. They said little on the call, bewildered by the turn of events. Today his mother regained her customary authority.
‘We’re driving up to London. We’ve booked a room at a guest house. The owner stayed with us a few years ago and we always promised to visit.’
He heard his dad in the background gently suggesting she get to the point.
‘The point is we want to cook a family Christmas dinner and since you can’t come to us, we’re coming to you. If you give us a tour of the flat tonight and leave us a set of keys, tomorrow we will cook a turkey with all the trimmings and it will be waiting when you return home from work. We know that you’re a grown man and you’ll be fine but we’re on our way, the room is booked, and the turkey is in the back of the car. So, please, just say yes.’
His parents were booked into Willow Guest Lodge in Belsize Park, a red-brick Edwardian property with a hand-painted wooden sign at the gate and a Christmas tree in the front window decorated with dried citrus garlands. Welcomed at reception Danny was shown through to the musty communal parlour where he found his parents sharing mulled wine with the owner, a portly man with ruddy cheeks who wore no wedding ring. Accepting a teacup ofmulled wine poured from a teapot wrapped up in a woolly cosy, Danny enjoyed the blend of cloves, cardamom, red wine and brandy. Cup in hand, he sat mostly in silence, as was his way these days, content to listen to the three of them swap stories about their strangest guests, stories which sounded affectionate rather than critical. It occurred to him that his parents must have a broad affection for people in all their guises and eccentricities, a fact that he never appreciated growing up.
After finishing their mulled wine, they set off to the nearby tube station. His mum was emboldened by them being a family again and as they walked through the sleepy backstreets she suggested they have the difficult conversation now rather than over Christmas dinner. His dad made it clear they weren’t judging. They were trying to better understand.
‘Is Luis your only serious relationship?’
Danny thought back on his dating history, encounters measured in weekends or weeks, except for one man who lasted two months.
‘There was one man before him. At every chance he would belittle me and because he was witty, he did it in a way which made you laugh until you realized the joke was always on you. It made me fight to get a nice word out of him and when he did say something nice, I was so relieved. In the end I said, I can’t do this, I might be young, I mightnot know what love is, but I know that it should make you feel good. I remember him saying – “who else will have you?”?’
His parents were as affronted by this remark as if it had been said about them.
‘You didn’t believe him?’
Danny corrected them.
‘I did believe him. That’s why he said it. And even though I left him, I thought – he’s probably right.’
His mother was upset.
‘How could you believe no one would love you?’
Danny stopped walking.
‘Because no one ever had. I’m not talking about parental love, or friends. I’m talking about romantic love. I’d never experienced it. Until I met Luis. I couldn’t believe a man like Luis said yes to me. Maybe I still can’t believe it, maybe that’s why I asked if he would marry me – to see if it’s true.’
On Christmas Day Danny set aside time for the patients without visitors, keeping them company while they ate their festive lunch including two slices of turkey breast so perfectly white and round it looked as though they had been carved from a full moon. Against the backdrop of a constrained budget the hospital still managed to bring some joy to the meal, adding a Christmas cracker to the tray. Danny placed paper hats on patients’ surgery-scarred heads andread out the jokes. Some of the patients didn’t say much. A few wouldn’t stop talking. One elderly man, recuperating since late November and usually one of the most cheerful people on the ward, seemed downcast. When Danny asked if he was okay the man explained that he had been given his discharge date. He had made friends on the ward. He knew the names of every nurse, porter and patient. He took Danny’s hand and begged him to intervene. He didn’t want to go back to an empty flat.
Some of the nurses were wearing tinsel crowns despite a stern memo being circulated by the Infectious Diseases Department warning that Christmas decorations needed to be sterilized to avoid the risk of spreading viruses and tinsel posed a biohazard. The memo was pinned up on the staffroom noticeboard framed with disinfected tinsel above communal bowls heaped with sweets, gifts from patients and their relatives, including Devon fudge, Welsh toffee and baklava. During their lunch break Danny and his colleagues warmed a batch of mince pies in the microwave, which crumbled in their hands as they ate them. When the conversation turned to plans and the following year, Danny made an excuse and hurried out.
By the time Danny finished his shift it was dark outside, the streets were silent and almost everyone was at home, celebrating. In the gloom he appreciated his parents’ foresight. They had pictured this exact moment – the sadness ofreturning to an empty flat on Christmas Day. Opening the front door, he heard carols being played. In the dining room the table was laid, candles were lit. His parents had driven over in the morning and brought a small plastic tree with them which they had assembled and decorated with the box of baubles from the wardrobe. There it stood, a rough copy of Luis and Danny’s tree. His mother caught his gaze and realized the mistake. Oblivious, his dad declared, ‘You and Luis made a beautiful home together.’
Danny told them the food smelt delicious and the table spread looked great. He asked if he could take a quick shower and change his clothes. Take your time, they said.
After a shower Danny selected his most festive outfit, a fluffy red sweater. Inspecting himself in the mirror he missed Luis so much that he was forced to sit on the edge of the bed and close his eyes. As if those emotions were being broadcast his phone rang. He reached for it, seeing Luis’s name. It was his first phone call since leaving. Taking a beat, steadying his voice, Danny answered, wishing Luis a Happy Christmas. They both asked how they were doing and reassured each other that neither of them was alone on Christmas Day. Luis was with school friends in Madrid. Eventually the call thinned to silence. Danny told himself to keep things cheery and light, but his impulsive nature won out.
‘Have you seen your parents?’
Luis paused before replying. ‘Turns out, my parents are divorced.’
Luis sounded upset. Danny wanted to be by his side, to console him, to hear what had happened.
‘I’m sorry.’
