Caroline studied Josie from head to toe, her eyes lingering as if measuring her, before swallowing. After a moment, she gave a slow nod.
Alice touched Josie’s shoulder. “Take all the time you need.”
Alice slipped through the quilt divider, and as Josie stepped forward, Caroline’s grief enveloped her, stirring painful memories she longed to forget—clutching her abdomen in agony, screaming as she lost her babies. She remembered holding her first son in her arms, his tiny form still and cold, knowing he would never take his first breath. And Marcus—his cruel, unrelenting voice echoing in her mind—snatching her baby within minutes, declaring that it was all God’s punishment for her failures as a wife.
Josie took a wobbly step, then settled on the bedside. She reached out, taking Caroline’s cold hand. “Travis and I came to pay our respects to your family,” Josie said softly, her voice steady despite the ache in her chest. “I asked Alice if I might see you, to be a comfort if you need me.”
Caroline’s expression reflected Josie’s own past. Wide, vacant eyes that seemed to stare into nothingness, a face marked by denial, yet layered with consumed anger and bitterness.Be a comfort and tell her.Josie hadn’t spoken aloud about her painful memory she wanted to keep buried, but in the presence of a woman who needed it, it came to the surface again for Josie to relive.
“I have been where you are, Caroline. I don’t speak about it much, even with my own husband . . .” She paused, allowing the painful memory to rush back. Josie wanted to forget it and lie in bed like Caroline, angry at God, but she had to move on, to forgive God and let this memory go. “I had children before Nathan—three of them.”
Caroline’s gaze met Josie’s, and though she remained silent, Josie could sense her attentiveness. Josie rubbed her thumbs together.
“I was married before Travis, and no one knows about it except him and Aunt Polly. My husband was an evil and brutal man, so evil he’d beat me, even when I was pregnant. He caused three miscarriages and blamed me for them . . . I had one child that I was able to deliver . . . a son, my husband’s heir . . .” Josie blinked back her tears. “I like to think my son was better off because he wouldn’t have to grow up and know the evil and vile ways of his father, but it was still painful because I wanted to be the mother to him. I wanted to save him . . .”
Josie paused, taking a moment to regain her breath, nearly jumping in surprise when a cold hand settled over hers. She looked at Caroline, noticing her lip quiver as tears fell down her cheeks.
“I barely had time to hold him. My husband took him from me and called me a failure. He said I didn’t deserve to hold what was most precious to him. I never got to give my son a proper funeral or a name.”
Josie shut her eyes, locking the memory away. It felt good to tell someone, but she didn’t want to relive it ever again.
“I’m . . . so . . . sorry, Josie . . . You didn’t deserve that,” Caroline whispered hoarsely.
Josie gripped Caroline’s hand while the woman broke into more sobs. “The one thing that gives me comfort during my days is knowing my children will never experience the vile, evilness of this world. Instead, all they will know is glory and peace.” Josie swallowed hard, a tear running down her cheek. “And they’ll be there waiting for me when it’s my turn to go.”
Caroline pressed her lips together, fighting back her tears. “Thank you, Josie. Those words . . . They are the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard.” Josie leaned in and embraced her friend.“How wonderful it will be when we get to spend forever with the ones we love.”
Josie’s silence concerned Travis on the way home. It had been a horrible after what had been a celebration of God’s miracles in their own household. He wished he could do something for Ronan, but the man kept Travis at a distance, focusing only on making a tiny casket for his son—something no father should ever do. Travis glanced over at Josie, who was gripping the basket in her lap, biting her lower lip while keeping her gaze lowered.
His wife remained a mystery to him, and each day, he learned something new about her. But this time, what Travis learned was something he never expected or would wish upon anyone. He had stepped into the cabin to grab Ronan’s tools when he overheard Josie speaking to Caroline. She sounded like she was in distress, so as a caring and concerned husband, Travis stepped closer to the quilt divide, listening in. It was wrong for him to eavesdrop, but the story Josie told nearly tore him apart.
He knew her husband was evil, but killing her children while they were supposed to be safe and protected in their mother’s womb made a fire rage in him. Travis wanted to travel to North Carolina, just to spit on Marcus’s grave. That man didn’t deserve a proper burial, just as he didn’t allow one for his own child.
“How was Ronan?” Josie asked, pulling Travis from his thoughts. He loosened the reins in his hands, realizing he had gripped them too hard.
Travis sighed, wiping his forehead. “He’s holding it all in, trying to stay strong. He was out there in the barn, making a small casket for his baby son. There should never be a casket that small for anyone.” He chewed his lower lip. “Ronan is reallyworried for Caroline. He’s not sure if she can make it to the funeral.”
Funeral. Casket. Baby son. Travis’s gut twisted.How could you say that?He couldn’t bear to look at Josie now. Those eyes of hers focused on her lap, brimming with tears.She tightened her grip on the basket, her lips pressed into a thin line. He had upset her; he should have been more mindful of his words.
After all those months of ignoring her when she needed him most, she needed him again—and this time, he would be there for her, just as a husband should. Ignoring the piercing cold, he pulled back on the reins, bringing the wagon to a sudden stop. He turned to Josie, and to his surprise, she leaned into him. He drew her close as she sobbed softly. He patted her back then caressed it in soft circles.Lord, please give me the right words to say. I know only You can comfort my wife. Let me be a vessel if You’ll let me.
Travis’s throat tightened, forcing the words out, knowing they could shatter the trust they had built.Eavesdropping? How could you, Travis?He could see it all play out—downhill they would go. But this was something they couldn’t hide from each other. Josie had secrets, and him keeping his eavesdropping secret too would be too much. Secrets had to end on one side.
“I have a confession to make, Jo—one I feel sorry about, but I can’t keep from you.” Travis sucked in a quick breath, then exhaled. “I overheard what you told Caroline. I was getting some tools for Ronan, and I-I don’t know why I listened. I hope you can forgive me.”
Josie froze, her sniffling stopped, and she laid there in his arms, not moving a muscle. Would she forgive him now? That was an intimate conversation, only meant for Caroline’s ears. If Josie wanted Travis to know, she would have told him already.
“I’m sorry I never told you, Travis. It’s just . . . too hard for me to talk about.” Josie pulled away, wiping her tears with hermitten. Travis searched her gaze, his soul nearly breaking at the reflection of pain written all over her.
“The Lord kept pressing the memory on my heart when I heard about Brendon’s death. That’s why I had to see her,” Josie confessed.
Travis swallowed a lump in the back of his throat. He reached out, holding her wrist. “It must have been difficult for you to remember that today. I had no idea how much going there would distress you.”
“I wanted to tell you,” Josie croaked. “But I tried to forget it. If I never spoke about my past, it never happened.” Her lips curved slightly, hardly a smile, but it seemed as though it was what Josie was trying to do. “I want to change now. I’d like to remember my babies when they were alive in my womb. I want to remember the days I delighted in my motherhood and celebrate their lives.”
Travis wiped her cheek with his gloved hand, brushing away those salt tears. “He was an evil man and deserved what he got.”
Josie’s lips parted slightly, and her eyes widened like a skittish doe, just like the day Travis joked about how she thought he was going to strangle her at the dance. Josie bit her bottom lip and looked at her lap. She gripped the basket in her hands, making Travis’s pulse race. He grabbed the reins and signaled for the team to pull ahead. Josie stayed silent. Like last night, it seemed as though she was back to the beginning—a frightened, timid creature. Whatever this burden was, she’d tell him when she was ready.
