Skunk and Odyssey are already in the holding cell. Odyssey grunts and paces from wall to wall, while Skunk casually sits on the cement bench. Resigned, I plop next to Skunk.
Odyssey glares at me. “Where the hell did you go after the fight?” he asks.
What can I say? I ran because I’m a coward and didn’t want to get into trouble. I ran because I didn’t want anyone to find out that I’m a girl—not just any girl but the adopted daughter of the Alpha King. Does he want to hear any of that woe-is-me bullshit? No, he doesn’t. He’s made it perfectly clear since I started the program that he doesn’t like me.
“I don’t understand why you even jumped into that fight,” I mutter.
“Why? Because you’re a badass and didn’t need anyone’s help?” he sneers. “The only reason I jumped into that fight is because that’s what we do as guards. We don’t have to like each other, but we protect each other. We’re supposed to be a pack within a pack—brothers.”
“Brothers?! Well, you all have a funny way of showing brotherhood. You’ve made it quite clear from the get-go that I am not welcome in that pack. You don’t accept me as I am,” I spit back.
“Of course I don’t like you. You make it pretty hard for anyone to like you. You walk around with this big-ass chip on your shoulder. You refuse to hang out with us, refuse to get to know anyone. We tried, but all you do is push us away,” he scoffs. “We all thought having the twins in the recruit program would be a disaster, but they’re the coolest ones in the program. You’re the one with a stick up your ass.”
What the hell is he talking about? They all pick on me. The only ones I pushed away were the twins because I didn’t want their overprotectiveness to interfere with their training. Have I been wrong this whole time? I talk to the recruits—Elijah, Owen, Skunk, and the twins—well, mostly through our mind link.
“You’re always competing with everyone. We catch you looking at that damn scoreboard all the time. Everyone knows you’re good at hand-to-hand combat and weaponry, and you can outrun our asses. But then, you had to kiss the commandingofficer’s ass so that they train with you on our downtime, making it harder for everyone else just to keep up. We all have to work harder just to stay above your scores. Sometimes, I just wish you would realize that you won’t get ahead and just quit. We’re all exhausted just trying to keep up with you.”
I glance at Skunk. Does he feel the same way? He and Elijah haven’t said anything to me. I never heard Owen complain. The twins never once told me to stop.
Skunk grimaces. Intense guilt forms a pit in my stomach. I’m almost relieved knowing that, when we’re released, I won’t be in the program anymore. The rest of the recruits won’t have to suffer because of me.
Just as that thought solidifies in my brain, I stop myself. Why am I punishing myself and making myself feel guilty for working hard just because someone else doesn’t like it? If they don’t like me because I force them to work harder, well, tough shit for them. As far as having a chip on my shoulder, I am the only girl in the entire program—even if they don’t know that—but I’m also the only one who can’t transition. And he’s crying because they’re exhausted. Boo-fucking-hoo. I haven’t slept since the program started. Odyssey and I glare at each other in a silent standoff.
“Aww, you poor big baby,” I gripe. “You almost made me feel guilty for working my ass off. Then, I remembered that I’m the only one in the recruit program who hasn’t transitioned. I’m the only one in the program who is less than five foot five and doesn’t weigh nearly as much as all of you. To survive this program, I train all day long and more at night just so I don’t get pummeled to death by all of you. You have no idea what it is like being in my shoes, what it feels like when I miscalculate a step or miss a block, what it feels like to take a hit from any one of you who can hit ten times harder than I can. Some of you have had years of training before coming into the program. I had lessthan one year. If I can’t keep my scores above a certain place, I will be kicked out of the program. So, I look at that Gods-awful scoreboard every day, hoping that my scores don’t drop any lower, because this program is all I have.”
I turn toward Skunk, and he throws up his hands. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. I’m not the one crying about it.” He gives me a crooked smile. Odyssey narrows his eyes. Skunk just shrugs him off. “It’s true. I’m not the one complaining that they can’t handle the heat. I haven’t heard any complaints coming from the twins either. Not everyone feels the same way.”
I lean my head against the bars of the cell.
“Why did you run?” Skunk asks.
“Before or after the fight?”
“Before. Owen said he saw you in the clinic, and Beaver told the Leads that he saw you leave the training area.”
I stare at the ceiling of the holding cell, debating how much to tell him. Does it matter if they know the truth? Odyssey already thinks less of me anyway.
“Owen thinks you left because of something that went on between the two of you. The twins were worried about you. It wasn’t like you to go AWOL. We set off looking for you,” Skunk added. I forgot about Owen and what happened in the clinic. I feel bad that he thought I ran off because of him.
“It had nothing to do with Owen.” I sigh. “I left because I was mad at myself, for a bunch of different reasons.”
“Why didn’t you come find me? I could have been your punching bag, if you needed one.”
“I wasn’t even looking for a fight. I just wanted a place to sit and think, to figure out some things.”
“So, you went to a bar?” Odyssey chimes in from across the room.
“Seemed like a good idea at the time. I’ve seen other men sitting at a bar, drinking away their sorrows,” I scoff. “I couldn’t even get a beer. Should have known better and just left.”
“What the hell happened that made you want to drink away your sorrows?” Skunk teases.
I roll my eyes. “I screwed up. I missed a block and got a punch to my ribs. Then, I slipped off the climbing wall and broke them even more. Dr. York doesn’t think it’s safe for me to continue in the program. My career as a guard or whatever it leads to is over. I have no idea what the hell to do with my life now.”
Odyssey frowns.
Skunk insists, “You should have found me, instead of running off.”
I shrug. Honestly, the only person I thought of finding, if he wasn’t thousands of miles away, was Sodie. I know Skunk means well, but what would running to him do? I didn’t want him to find me crying like a girl. He’s supposed to think I’m a boy. I pull my legs up and hug my knees. “I should have, but it's not like you can fix my broken ribs. I just wanted to sit and wallow in my own self-pity before I received my walking papers,” I explain, giving him a small smile.
