“What is there to do? My life just continues, as is.”
Emily and Sixes exchange a look.
Emily runs her hand through her black hair, flipping it over her shoulder. “Think harder, like future harder. Think about things we talked about earlier in the week when you were excited about potentially entering the recruit program.”
“That’s done, guys. I received my rejection letter. You both were here when Joe brought it to my room.”
Sixes palms her forehead, leans forward, and shakes me by the shoulders.
“Thank you!” Emily fists her hands in front of her. “I wanted to slap her.”
“Emily and I have known Anders our entire lives. He’s a hardass, but he’s not an asshole. That rejection letter is an invitation.”
“No, it’s not. I don’t meet the qualifications to become a recruit,” I explain in exasperation.
Emily plops down on the bed. Both of them cross their arms and glare at me. Emily opens her mouth, but Sixes raises a hand to shush her.
Why the hell would a letter of rejection be an invitation? I think about my interview.
Then, stop acting like a victim and fight, dammit!
I remember the last thing I said to him before I received the rejection letter.
I know you want me to fight. But just because I don’t fight the same as you doesn’t mean I’m not fighting. Right now, I don’t have the tools to know how to fight this.
“He’s giving me a tool,” I whisper.
Emily whoops and punches the air.
Sixes smile brightens. “So what the hell are you going to do about it?”
I swivel around to face my vanity mirror and study my reflection for several heartbeats. I trace the scar on my face. My long hair hangs in a tangled mess over my shoulder. I turn my head from side to side. For a time, I forgot what I looked like, forgot the anguish and despair I felt when I saw the wounds on my back, forgot how gaunt and thin I once was. I used to fall apart when I saw the broken and crooked teeth.
I was so broken physically, and yet I pushed through it all. Until Boris. He attacked me, nearly raped me, and destroyed everything I fought so hard to overcome.
Luke’s attack.
Marcus and Elaine’s bullying.
I rummage through a drawer for a pair of scissors. I hold out a strand of my hair and shear it off a couple of inches from my scalp.
“Oh my Gods, no!” Emily shouts, and Sixes gasps. But I ignore them.
Liam leaving without a word. Snip.
The lab results. Snip.
Shadow’s worried expression as he watched me fall apart during the interview. Snip.
I cut strand after strand as I recall every horrible memory. I don’t stop until every last strand is gone. Examining the uneven, butchered mess, I lean closer.
My lashes are much longer and more feminine than when my vision first returned. The thought of cutting my lashes makes me cringe. I open a different drawer and retrieve my first pair of glasses—the ones so large, they covered half my face. My vision blurs when I put them on, but I see exactly what I need to in my mind. I survived. And I will get into the recruit program.
I pound on Anders’s office door. When he doesn’t answer, I pound again. I close my eyes and feel for him through our mind link. Of course, he’s in his office. I verify that he’s alone.
I’m not leaving!
Like a steel door, he shuts me out of his mind.
