Jessica is pale, her eyes puffy. Has she been crying? She won’t look at me. She just stares blankly off in the distance.
“I’m sorry. I ran into Dr. York on my way here,” she explains.
Anders, Chris, and Elias ask Jessica the standard questions. She answers them, with less enthusiasm than when we reviewed them the other night.
After a long pause, Chris sifts through a stack of papers, jots down a note, and clears his throat. “Jessica, can you tell me how you can contribute to the guard? Should we let you into the program?”
She looks down at her hands. “Contribute?” she repeats softly, more to herself.
Anders glances at Chris, brows furrowed. Chris raises a hand, holding Anders off from interjecting.
“Jessica, most candidates find a purpose or a goal that they feel they can contribute to the guard. For example, one of the most recent graduates wanted to become a pilot. Now that he graduated, he entered into a pilot program and will serve as a pilot for the royal family.” Jessica continues to fiddle with her hands. “Are you following me, Jessica?”
What the hell is wrong with her?
She blinks a few times and looks at Chris. “I haven’t really found my purpose in life yet.” Turning her gaze downward again, she adds, “I’m sorry for wasting your time. I... I...”
A tear trails down her cheek, falling onto her lap. Elias’s chair scrapes against the floor. He walks around the table and crouches down in front of her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“What did Dr. York say?” he asks gently.
She shakes her head. “Nothing, really. He was glad he ran into me. He wanted to meet with me and my parents to review my lab results.” Another tear falls, and thunder rumbles in the far distance.
“Jessica, your magic is getting stronger. Did he give you a reason to listen to his thoughts?”
She glances at Elias, her eyes bright from unshed tears. “He was fidgeting and wouldn’t look at me. I could feel his concern.He felt sorry for me.” More tears, and then she swallows. “I shouldn’t have listened. I don’t know why I even came here.”
Elias pulls her forward into his embrace, gently patting her back while she cries. Anders tosses his pen onto the table and runs his hand through his white hair. Chris looks at me and at Anders, worry etched on his face.
When Elias urges her back into her chair, he scrubs her face with his large hands, wiping away the tears.“Care to tell us what you heard, so we can understand why you’re sabotaging your interview?”
She wipes her eyes and glances quickly in my direction. Squeezing her eyes shut, she abruptly stands. “I need to go home. I’m very sorry for wasting your time.”
“Sit down!” Anders barks. Elias stands and eyes Anders. “Elias, return to your seat or leave.”
Without a word, Elias sits. Anders issues both Chris and me a warning glare. I am not going to like this.
“Do you want to know why I shouldn’t choose you for the program?” Anders prompts Jessica.
She stares at the floor and shakes her head.
“Because you’re weak.”
My head snaps toward him. What did he just say? Chris places a hand on my chest. Jessica sits, unmoving, as another tear falls. I move to push my chair back. Chris grabs my uniform, holding me in place. “Don’t,” he whispers.
“When we first met, you applied to be in the guard. You debated, fought with me to look at your application. You pestered me about speaking to Shadow. Then, you got into some trouble, and it all stopped. I never heard a word from you after that. I left program contents behind on my desk on the days when you came to clean my office. Not once did you ask me about it. I sent you to tell the twins about their second interview,and you never asked if you would have yours. I gave you all the opportunities to approach me, but you never did.”
Her head whips up. “I didn’t ask because I didn’t feel I was worthy enough to be in the guard, because of what I did!”
I hold my breath. I never told Anders about the night before the guard ball. Chris glances at me, but I school my face.
Anders clasps his hands in front of him. “So, you’re a coward, then. Life happens, and instead of working your way through it and fighting to stay on top, you give up and hide. I don’t need someone like you in the guard.”
Thunder rumbles in the distance. The bright sun dims, the sky turns a depressing gray, and it starts to rain. Jessica glares at Anders.
He leans forward. “You don’t even have the balls to tell me to ‘go fuck myself,’ even though it’s written all over your face.”
The thunder creeps closer, but still, she remains silent.
