I take a deep breath and force myself to relax. “I can keep it together.” My words are short, laced with tension. I swallow. “I can keep it together,” I repeat, softer this time. I’ll get it under control. I have to.
You hear me in there? If you want to be a part of Jessica’s life, I must get this under control, so back the fuck off.
Just like that, the tension in my muscles releases, and the prickling sensation dissipates. I guess that’s one way to keep him at bay.
Anders continues to watch me, jaw clenched. He dips his chin and sighs. “This is my fault, with Jessica here, dealing with the program changes and the council members.” He rubs a hand over his face. “And trying to prevent the guard program from falling apart.” He drops his hand on the desk and shakes his head.
Fatigue etches his face. The council has been after Anders for quite some time now. I don’t understand why they’re suddenly involved. The final decision is ultimately the King’s.
Anders decided not to enlist another group of recruits until this past class graduated. Politically, his decision didn’t sit well with the council members, some of whom have sons or male relatives who will miss enrollment before they pass the age limit.
One of the council members has been pushing to shut the program down entirely and to outsource the King’s guards from the military. To appease the wrath of the council, we—the Leads and I—explained that we needed the gap in recruitment to upgrade the training program. It was a weak excuse, but it worked, for now.
A lot of changes have been implemented over the past couple of years, not necessarily because of Jessica. The changes started when Marcus Greystone entered the recruitment program. Due to his bullying, we lost many recruits. In my mind, if the recruits who left couldn’t deal with Marcus and his two idiot cousins, they weren’t guard material anyway.
However, some recruits I really liked. I saw their potential—if they were given a fair chance—so I reassigned them to a different training facility in Ryukyu. The ones who stayed impressed me. I hold high hopes for them within the guard, Darwin especially, with his technical abilities. I see the guards moving past this era in which we’re currently stuck in.
In hindsight, this break from bringing on new recruits is not entirely bad, which is another reason why I want to be more hands-on with this new onboarding. With everything I learned in my training overseas, and with Anders’s military experience, we could do so much more, more than the council realizes we can do.
This year, I recruited a group with a different set of skills than Anders and the other two Leads sought before. I need to be around to help them see the new benefits. So, I need to get my own shit together.
With Jessica’s innate magic abilities, she has a part in this. I see the bigger picture. I just need Anders to see it, too.
“I saw the slight changes in you when you first met her. They were subtle but still there. Hell, I should have picked up on more, especially when the Blackguard kids, the Langhlan twins, Charlie, and Sixes suddenly developed magic.” He presses his fingers to his temples and closes his eyes. “I think I need to send Jessica to Ryukyu. I’m not cut out for this shit. I’m failing her, you—shit, everyone. But among all of them, Shadow, you’re the most dangerous one. I need to focus on you before...” He grimaces.
“I’m not him,” I say quietly, “I’mnotmy brother.”
“No, but he is still a part of you. After the shit you pulled today, it scares me.”
Chapter 13
I Really Hate Secrets
JESSICA
Present Day
Adark tingling heat brushes over my temple and descends straight into my heart. When I open my eyes, dark blue eyes like the midnight sky survey mine. Shadow’s warm breath brushes against my skin. His arms wrap around me and pull me in closer. My eyes flutter closed at his touch.
A deep-seated fear returns to the surface. His words echo in my mind:The next time you see me, run, because I will kill you, Princess. Shivers run through me. I would like nothing more than to run. I begin to squirm in his arms.
“Don’t,” he whispers in my ear. Is this a threat? Don’t what? Don’t run? Don’t scream? I don’t have the energy to think about the hidden meaning behind that word.
I open my eyes and look around. Troubled faces surround me. Why is he holding me? “Let me down,” I croak.
Shadow doesn’t move. “She needs to see a doctor,” he says to Anders, who stares at us with an indiscernible look in his eyes.
Anders nods. “Follow me.”
Shadow effortlessly maneuvers me through the crowd of onlookers.
“I set up a medical room,” Anders informs them, calling over his shoulder.
“A medical room?” I parrot in disbelief.
“Did you think I wouldn’t have a medical room with a bunch of Alpha pricks running around?”
A deep chuckle rumbles from Shadow's chest. “I’m one of those pricks.”
