“Jess, you look awful. When was the last time you ate something?”
I blink up at Owen, looming over me. Then, I blink back tears. “This morning?” It comes out more as question than an answer.
“No. You barely ate breakfast, and you missed lunch. Last night, you picked at dinner and barely touched your lunch before that. You were at home for breakfast, so I didn’t see you eatthen, either. Don’t tell me the last time you ate was your birthday dinner.”
I shrug.
He grabs my arm and pulls me down the hall. “Come on. Let’s find you some food.”
“The dining room is closed,” I grumble under my breath.
“I’m still on kitchen duty for a couple more days. I have the keys.”
I wince at the reminder, and memories of my last conversation with Tyler resurfaces again. Tears threaten to spill all over my lashes, and I rub my eyes with my jacket sleeve.
“I know that everything going on is on a need-to-know basis.” He stops walking and turns to face me. “I can keep a secret, if you need to talk it through. I know as the Princess, Shadow’s your guard. He’s missing, and that guy showing up close to death must weigh on you.”
I avoid looking at him. I can’t tell him. I can’t tell anyone. If anyone discovers that Shadow and I were secretly dating for the past several months, he could get into so much trouble, not to mention the disappointment of my parents, the Leads, and Anders. Especially Anders.
He warned me before I started the program that if he found out we did anything behind his back, Tyler would lose his position among the guards. I can’t do that to him. I bite my lip, contemplating how much I can tell Owen.
“You can talk to me, Jess.”
Tears slide down my cheeks. “About a year and a half ago, I was kidnapped and missing for several days. Shadow… he… went out of his way to search for me.” My voice breaks, and the tears fall harder. “He practically searched the entire world for me. He was the one who found me when my body washed up on shore near one of the piers.”
“Shit,” he breaths out and envelops me in a hug. “I’m sorry you went through that.”
“I feel so useless,” I sob. “I’m just standing around, doing nothing, while he’s missing. I need to find him. I need to know he’s okay.”
He rocks me softly in his embrace. “The Leads will find him,” he murmurs against my hair. “In the meantime, you need to eat. You’re not going to be useful if you starve yourself to death.” He releases me from his embrace, wipes my tears with his thumbs, and leads me to the dining hall by the hand.
The kitchen hosts a walk-in refrigerator and freezer. Industrial-sized ovens grace the walls. Stainless steel counters and a large commercial flat grill adorn the opposite side of the kitchen. It is designed to feed an army. With the way the recruits eat, it makes sense to furnish a kitchen of this capacity.
Owen releases my hand and moves around the kitchen with ease, grabbing dry items off the shelves and placing them on the counter before disappearing into the walk-in fridge. When he returns, he blushes. “I only know how to make grilled cheese sandwiches. Unless you want me to reheat some leftovers from dinner?”
“Grilled cheese sandwiches sound perfect.” I could use the distraction, even if I don’t feel hungry. Owen is right. I need to eat. If Tyler was here, he would make me eat something.
He slides a glass of water in front of me and offers a shy smile. He cuts an apple and arranges the slices in a bowl. “Start with this.”
I smile down at the bowl. He remembers I like to eat my apple cut into wedges.
“You caused quite a commotion earlier today, showing up in the foyer flashing that fancy thing.”
“Oh, you mean the bralette? Yeah. That wasn’t exactly planned. I’ve been a little off lately.”
He butters several slices of bread. “Is something going on between you and Odyssey?”
I nearly choke on my slice of apple. “What?”
“I mean, I know that after you were accused of murdering that man at the bar, the two of you argued less, and he hasn’t picked on you as much. You didn’t tell me that he knew you were a girl.”
“He doesn’t, or didn’t, until today.”
“You don’t have to lie to me. It’s fine that he knows.” He turns away from me to warm up the grill.
“Why do you think that something is going on with me and Odyssey?”
“When the guy showed up, asking for you, I was heading to your room to get you. I saw you and Odyssey coming down the stairs, followed by Darwin, and he looked upset.”
