Prologue
JESSICA
Eight Years Ago
November 15, 2016: After Midnight
The Night Before the Guard Ball
The moon looms large and sits so close that I can almost see every crater against an inky, navy-blue sky filled with millions of stars sprinkling across the vast expanse of the night sky. Such a beautiful, calm picturesque backdrop for the full moon surrounded by a yellow-white ethereal glow. Its glow is so bright, lighting every surface it touches.
A crisp breeze brushes against my skin, wisps of hair tickling my cheek. I take a deep breath, inhaling a mixture of varying scents—dirt, hay, and horses—embracing the scent of the stables one last time before we leave for the night.
I hear soft footfalls approach. I let out a long sigh. A small part of my heart fills with guilt for making Charlie bring me to the stables this late at night. It has been an incredibly long day, but as exhausted as I feel, my mind won’t quiet down. I needed to come here to see my favorite horse Queenie to help with the looming anxiety.
“Alright, everything is locked up for the night. Ready to head back home?” Charlie asks. I admire his profile in the moonlight. It's uncanny how identical he looks to his cousin Luke despite the difference in age. Charlie Langhlan, son of Christopher Langhlan, the third lead guard, has not only become my cousin through the adoption but one of my closest friends.
I think back to the moment six months ago when I woke up in the clinic. I was so scared, filled with the need to run, to escape. I brush my fingertips against the puckered scar at the base of my throat. So much has happened these past six months, and I still have no memory of my life before I was found. On top of that, I have no memory of what happened to me this past week.
My mind shifts back to last Friday. I prepared dinner for my family and got into a fight with Luke. While everyone else ate, I left inconspicuously to avoid interrupting the joyous gathering to visit the clinic.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the clinic physically changed—or rather, completely healed, according to Dr. York, the Emerald Pack’s physician. Nothing between then and a couple of days ago surfaces to mind.
How does someone lose their memory so often? Is that even possible?
Charlie nudges my arm. “What’s going on in that head of yours, little bird?”
I pause my steps and shift my attention to my surroundings, realizing we managed to walk halfway back to the mansion.
At first, I hesitate telling Charlie. I tried so hard to brush off my insecurities and concerns. I pretended like everything that happened to me was no big deal. I know my newfound family and the guards care about me. I just don’t want to be a burden to them, and I especially don’t want to add to everything by telling them how I truly feel.
But this is Charlie. Like the Langhlan twins, he feels like a brother to me. I can trust him with my internal turmoil. I sigh and let the ramblings begin.
“What is wrong with me? I have completely blocked out so much of my life. I’m sixteen—or so I was told. Even so, I shouldn’t be losing my memory like this.”
Charlie steps in front of me, and I wave him off.
“Don’t tell me it’s from trauma. I already learned all about dissociative amnesia from the neurologist, Dr. York, and all the research I had done. This is different, Charlie. Something is wrong. I could accept my memories missing before I was found. This time, though, it doesn’t make sense. You don’t just go missing for five days and then wake up a completely different person. You don’t just transform from looking like you were recently spit out of a meat grinder to this!” I throw my hands, encompassing my face and other features. “I don’t understand what is happening!”
He places both hands on my shoulders. “I wish I had the right words to say to make you feel better, but I promise you, the Leads, especially Anders and Shadow, are working hard to investigate what happened to you back then, as well as this past week.”
“Shadow? I thought he was just a recruiting officer.”
He chuckles. “Shadow’s role with the guard is a little more enigmatic than everyone is led to believe.” He pats my shoulder before gently nudging me forward on the path home. “But if anyone is going to figure out what happened to you, it will be him.”
“Why him?”
He shrugs before answering, “Not sure if you noticed, but Shadow is…”
“Odd?” I think back to the first time I met Shadow—his forced smile, how stiff and uncomfortable he looked in his ownskin. Somehow, that all changed when he returned with Anders to my room in the clinic.
He laughs. “I was going to say different. But I’m confident that if anyone will find the answers you are looking for, it will be him. He found you when no one else could.”
We’re a few yards away from the back of the mansion when Charlie’s phone pings.
“Hey, something is happening down at the recruits’ dorm. I should probably go check it out.”
“Thank you for hanging out with me.”
