Dear Lexie,
There are few people I’ve told about your last days. Days I will hold close, for as long as I live, along with all your other days. But talking to Joe is in some way cathartic and I start to tentatively look forward.
‘I made an offer on the cottage,’ I tell him. ‘It’s been accepted.’
He looks slightly shocked. ‘I hadn’t realised it was going to happen so soon.’ He pauses. ‘I’m pleased for you. But I’m going to miss you.’
As we look at each other, I feel something inside I haven’t felt in years. ‘I’ll miss being here,’ I say awkwardly. Then, because I will, ‘I’ll miss you, too.’
‘How would you like to go out tonight?’ he asks. ‘To celebrate your new cottage?’
In that moment, I feel so torn. Happy, because somehow I am happy – about moving. But there’s regret, too, that I’ll be leaving here soon, because I’ve come to enjoy his company. And since telling him about you, we’ve become closer. ‘I’d love to,’ I say.
We go to a pub in a village a short drive away. There’s a log fire burning, the air scented with woodsmoke and food. We sit at a table away from the bar, and Joe orders wine while we wait for our food to arrive.
‘So that’s me organised,’ I say, meaning the cottage. ‘What about you?’
‘Are you going to carry on with your wedding flowers?’ he asks.
I nod. ‘At least for now, until I work out what to do next.’ It’s as though the mist of my uncertainty is thinning, but I’m still not there. ‘And you?’ I ask again.
‘Something happened this morning.’ He looks unsure. ‘I had a call from one of the big vet practices. They want to buy me out.’
‘Wow.’ I stare at him. ‘What will you do?’
‘I’m not sure. The problem is it’s happening all over – the big practices buying out smaller ones like mine. They’re all about profit – and not necessarily good for our clients, or for competition. So at the moment, I’m still thinking about it.’
Our food arrives and I realise how hungry I am. As we eat, we carry on talking. ‘If someone like you wanted to buy it and run it independently…’ I hesitate. ‘Would that be different?’
‘Definitely. I’d probably sell.’ He looks surprised as he says it. ‘It seems everything’s happening at once – in other news, we’ve had an offer on our house.’
‘That’s good, isn’t it?’ I say.
‘It has to happen – but it makes me feel all kinds of things,’ he says. ‘I’m sad because it’s where Isla’s grown up. But it’s tainted now, too, because of Tara’s affair.’ He shrugs. ‘Even if I stayed and let the dust settle, it would never be the same.’
‘Everything comes down to people, doesn’t it?’ I say. ‘I used to put so much into making our home nice – especially while our children were growing up. It could never have been as I wanted for as long as Ryan was there. Now…’ I break off. ‘It seems less important. But I don’t rate a lot of things the way I used to.’
‘Because of Lexie,’ Joe says.
‘Mostly, yes.’ I put down my fork. ‘She had her own, very definite views on what was important.’
‘You mentioned before she was an activist. But what did she actually do?’ Joe asks.
It’s a wonderful question. ‘In simple terms, she became a staunch fighter for animal rights. It all started when she was a teenager…’ I tell Joe about your job at the animal shelter, and everything that followed.
He listens with interest. ‘She was right. There is so much that’s wrong with the way animals are treated – and the laws allow it to go on. It’s hung over me that as a vet, I should be able to do more.’
‘That’s how Lexie felt,’ I say simply.
He’s silent for a moment. ‘She sounds like the kind of person the world needs more of,’ he says quietly. ‘I wish I’d known her.’
‘I wish you had, too.’ I smile through my tears. Does it hurt the tiniest bit less as I think of you? ‘She touched so many people.’
If only the world had been kinder to you.
32
NOW
