‘A very early night.’ She yawned. ‘Boring, getting older, isn’t it?’
That evening, you and Ollie went to a party together. I stayed at home, alone, thinking about you both, as I often did as the old year faded out, about what the last twelve months had brought our way, about what the next year might bring.
Then my mind turned to all the years our lives had been dominated by Ryan’s moods, until laughter had dwindled and joy was extinguished. But they had come back, I told myself. We’d come through the worst. Life was good – for all of us. And it gave me so much pleasure to think that.
Just after 11 p.m., I was on my way to bed when I heard a car pull up outside. Then Ollie called out.
‘Mum? Are you still up?’
Slipping on my boots, I went outside to find him helping you out of a car. ‘What’s happened?’
‘Lexie’s not well.’ He looked worried. ‘I’m not sure if it’s just that she’s drunk too much. I’ve never seen her like this before.’
‘Lexie doesn’t drink. Not enough to do this to her.’ I took your other hand, gripped your arm. ‘Could she have taken something?’
‘I don’t know.’
Somehow between us, we got you up the stairs and manoeuvred you into bed. ‘I’ll get her some water,’ Ollie said.
Sitting next to you on the bed, I smoothed the hair off your face as you murmured something unintelligible. ‘What was that?’ I whispered. But as your eyelashes fluttered, it was as though you hadn’t heard me.
Ollie came back in with a glass of water. ‘Try and get her to drink some,’ he said. ‘I’ll go and find a bucket in case she’s sick.’
Between us, we persuaded you to drink some sips of water, but before long, you were comatose. Covering you with a blanket, I went downstairs to the sitting room, where Ollie was sitting on the sofa.
‘You’re missing your party,’ I said.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ he said. ‘In any case, I’m not really in the mood now.’
‘Is there something I don’t know?’ I sat down next to him.
‘I’ve had my suspicions for a while.’ He was silent. ‘Of course, I don’t know how she is when I’m away. But I think Lexie has a problem.’
His words seemed to hang in the air. Words I didn’t want to grasp. But I didn’t have a choice. ‘It’s New Year’s Eve, Oll. She had a few drinks – probably no more than anyone else.’
‘You’re not listening, Mum.’ Ollie raised his voice slightly. ‘I told you before. Lexie drinks – a lot.’ He pauses. ‘I found a bottle of vodka in her bedroom.’
I tried to normalise my feeling of shock. ‘Lots of teenagers do that. Surely she wouldn’t drink heavily – not after seeing what it did to your father.’
‘I talked to her about it – before the term started. I noticed it over the summer. I was worried about going away. I thought she’d stopped – she said she was going to.’
‘Stopped?’ Shock upon shock kept coming at me.
Ollie sighed. ‘This has been going on for some time. She’s just good at hiding it.’
I looked at him, horrified. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I wasn’t sure how you’d take it, to be honest.’ Ollie paused. ‘After Dad.’
I still didn’t understand. ‘That’s my point. After seeing what your father put us all through…’
‘Yeah. Well, he’s another part of the reason,’ Ollie said, his voice shaking.
‘I should have known, Ollie.’ But now that I did, I needed to help her. ‘Is Lexie unhappy?’
‘She’s the one you should be asking,’ Ollie sighed. ‘She sees all the problems in the world. It’s driving her insane. Drink makes it go away for a while.’
I looked at Ollie, suddenly frightened to ask. ‘You don’t, do you? Drink, I mean?’
