I called Lucy, and she told us to come over. To bring what we needed for a couple of weeks. The rest could wait. In silence, we packed the car with clothes and some other things. I hurried you, terrified that Ryan would return.
When we got to Lucy’s, she took one look at my face, then hurried us inside and closed the door behind us.
‘Ollie was right. You should call the police,’ she said gently. ‘Honestly, Edie. He shouldn’t get away with this.’ She got out her phone. ‘You’re not going to like me doing this, but I’m going to photograph your face. At the very least, you should show your lawyer what he’s done.’
Powerless to argue, I let her. At my lowest ebb, I no longer knew what I was doing.
‘You can stay here for as long as you need to,’ she said. ‘The kids can have the spare room, if they don’t mind sharing. You can have Mia’s while she’s at her dad’s. We’ll work something out for when she’s back.’
‘Thank you.’ It wasn’t just my hands that were shaking. My whole body was.
‘You’re in shock.’ Lucy looked concerned. ‘Edie, I know this is hard. But I really think I should call the police.’
‘I think so, too,’ you said. ‘Dad’s been angry so many times. But this time, it was really scary.’ Your voice wobbled.
‘Ollie?’ Lucy looked at my son. ‘You were so brave. You both were.’ She looked at you, then at her phone. ‘I’ll call them.’
‘Fine.’ I was utterly defeated; had nothing left to lose.
After Ryan’s outburst, my guilt knew no bounds. I hated what you and Ollie had seen; should have been able to prevent it. Such were the tricks emotional abuse plays on you that I saw it as all my fault. If I hadn’t been to see the divorce lawyer, maybe it would never have come to this.
‘At least we’re not there any more,’ Ollie said later that night. ‘Whatever happens next, it’s going to be better, Mum.’
‘I’m never talking to him again,’ you said. ‘Not ever.’
When the police turned up, I told them what happened. They also spoke to you and Ollie, before going to call on Ryan. And however illogical it might seem to anyone else, I felt so much shame that it had happened and I hadn’t been able to stop it.
Later, alone with Lucy, she poured me a large glass of wine. ‘You need this.’
I stared at my glass. ‘I used to love a glass of wine. But now, all I see is the root of Ryan’s problems.’
‘You’re not Ryan,’ she said. ‘And it is just one glass.’ She paused. ‘Are the kids OK?’
‘Not really.’ I sipped the wine. ‘They shouldn’t have had to see what happened today, Luce.’
‘But they have.’ She paused. ‘At least they know what their father is really like.’
‘How in any way is that a good thing?’
‘It isn’t. There’s no spin to put on this. It’s horrible for them.’ She leaned forwards. ‘But they already knew what he was like, didn’t they? And they’re great kids. They have you. They’ll be OK.’
The next morning, I had another meeting with the lawyer, expedited after the events of the previous night – and to find out how much financial support I could expect from Ryan.
Two days later, a house came on the rental market, a couple of miles away from where Lucy lived. It was smaller than ours, but well-placed for buses to school and into the town. It also had a sprawling garden.
When I went to view it, I could see the three of us there. I imagined the peace we’d feel away from Ryan’s moods, no longer having to walk on eggshells around him.
That afternoon, when you got back from school, I took Ollie and you to see it; misinterpreted your silence as reluctance. ‘I know it’s small,’ I said quickly.
‘It isn’t that.’ Ollie looked at me. ‘I didn’t think we’d ever do this.’ He glanced at you. ‘I like it here,’ he said. ‘Don’t you, Lex?’
‘It’s really nice.’ A frown flickered across your face. ‘Dad won’t know where we are, will he?’
‘He’s never coming here,’ I reassured you. But it would take time for all of us to believe that.
You gazed out of the window. ‘I like the garden.’
I felt my heart warm. ‘About the garden…’ Then I told you both about my plans to grow the flowers Lucy and I would use for weddings; watched your faces change, the realisation sinking in that this was happening. We were doing this.
