His face clouded over. ‘It’s Dad.’
Suddenly, birthdays weren’t fun any more. With hindsight, I should have seen it coming – if not that year, then certainly by the next one. I stood there, trying to think quickly. ‘I wouldn’t worry about Dad. He probably won’t be back from work in time for your party.’
‘My birthday’s on a Saturday.’ Ollie’s eyes glittered with tears.
My heart broke for him; he’d obviously thought this through. ‘We could always have your party on the Friday.’ I pulled out a chair and sat down, pulling out the chair next to me. ‘Come here, Olls.’ I waited as he reluctantly came over and perched on it. ‘Why don’t you want Dad to be there?’
He hung his head. ‘He’s embarrassing,’ he muttered.
My stomach churned with guilt. ‘Is it really that bad?’ I asked quietly.
Unable to speak, he nodded.
‘Oh, Ollie…’ Regret washed over me, that Ollie felt that way. That he was in the position of having to describe what you’d never wish your child to go through. I felt guilt, too, that I hadn’t noticed before; that, far from fading, the implications of his father’s alcoholism were growing more complicated. ‘We need a plan.’
He looked up, his face hopeful. ‘You mean Auntie Lucy’s?’
‘Maybe.’ I hesitated. ‘But first, I really should talk to your father.’
That evening, I was still mulling over what Ollie had said. The honest truth was, I was dreading broaching the subject with Ryan. But I owed it to Ollie to try to resolve this.
That Saturday morning, I drove you and Ollie over to Lucy’s, under the pretext of her inviting you for lunch.
‘I’ll pick you up later.’ Catching Ollie’s eye, I winked at him.
‘Good luck,’ Lucy said quietly as she walked out to the car with me. ‘I hope he listens to you.’
‘So do I. I should have done this years ago,’ I told her.
‘You’re doing it now.’ She hugged me briefly. ‘That’s what matters.’
My plan was to catch Ryan before he’d had more than a couple of drinks. At any other time, it would be pointless. As I drove back, I was rehearsing what I was going to say, arriving home to find him making coffee in the kitchen.
Taking in his mug, my heart lifted. Maybe he hadn’t really got a problem. But then I saw the glass of clear brown liquor on the side.
‘Hey.’ Going over, I kissed him on the cheek. ‘The kids are at Lucy’s for lunch.’ I hesitated. ‘I thought you and I could spend some time together.’
‘That sounds nice.’ He picked up the kettle. ‘Coffee?’
‘Thanks.’ I watched him pour the water into the cafetiere. ‘Do you have any plans today?’
‘Same old. There’s some football on. Then I’m meeting some of the guys at the pub later.’
I knew what I wanted to say to Ryan; I was under no illusions about how he was likely to react. Steeling myself, I thought of Ollie’s worried face. ‘Ryan? There’s something we need to talk about.’ I paused. ‘Shall we go and sit down?’ I nodded towards the sitting room.
We sat down side by side on the faded sofa we’d had for years. As I thought of what I had to say, trepidation filled me.
‘What’s on your mind?’ he said.
Right when I most needed it, I had a flash of inspiration. Getting up, I went to fetch the box of family photos, putting it down on the sofa in between us. ‘We haven’t looked at these in ages.’ I passed Ryan some photos of you and Ollie when you were younger.
He was silent as he studied them. ‘You forget, don’t you?’ he said quietly. ‘How small they used to be.’
‘Remember these?’ I passed him more of the two of us BC. Before Children. ‘Don’t we look young?’
For a moment, he didn’t speak. ‘I barely recognise us.’ His voice was suddenly husky. ‘God. I remember that day. It was Lucy’s engagement party, wasn’t it?’ He sounded more animated. ‘It was hilarious.’
‘You had everyone in stitches.’ I smiled, remembering. ‘You used to make us laugh until we hurt.’
