* * *
Dinner was as awkward as Tom imagined it was going to be. Stella was her usual imperious and elegant self, monopolising the conversation over ice-cold aperitifs and white wine, whileCorentin gazed up at her with a smitten smile, his beard trimmed and neat. Marnie, unused to anything other than Corentin’s undivided attention, sat in the corner with a glass of sparkling water in her hand, her eyes narrowed, while Luis and Sebastian sat next to Reine, chatting amicably with her about the newest release of Rainbow High dolls.
Rainbow High had been a hard parenting lesson for Tom. Trying to make up for lost time, he’d rushed out when Reine had first come into his life by buying her all theMy Little Pony: Friendship Is Magictoys he could find. Ari had told him not to, that Reine didn’t need it all, but Tom had been adamant.
“I’ve never bought her a birthday present,” he said firmly. “Let me do this.”
A lot of research, some stressful eBay bidding, and a cool four-hundred and fifty pounds later, and Tom’s shopping was complete. He’d invested in a full set of ponies and a stable, as well as a castle so big it didn’t fit in any of his cupboards and so had to sit, pride-of-place, in the living room. He showed it all to Reine with the pride of a lion, and the little girl played with it for about two weekends before turning up the next time with a garishly bright and — in Tom’s eyes —skimpily dresseddoll clutched tight in her hands.
“This is Misty,” she told him excitedly. “She’s the sky blue doll.”
With Misty in her life, Reine never looked at the My Little Pony toys again.
“I tried to warn you,” Ari said, not unkindly, when Tom bemoaned the crates of pink and purple plastic horses he now had sitting in his London flat. “Children go through phases. For Reine, My Little Pony is out and Rainbow High in.”
The only person happy about this change in Reine’s affections seemed to be Luis, who’d started his own collection of Rainbow High dolls, to keep Reine company.
“I mean, they aren’t Barbie,” Luis remarked to Tom when he picked up Reine one afternoon. “But I like the changeable legs on them. Barbie could do with changeable legs.” He’d leaned closer to Tom, as though about to admit a terrible secret. “You know, I always feel a little odd popping kitten heels onto my Florence Nightingale Inspiring Women Barbie. It feels a little wrong, if you know what I mean.”
Tonight, Luis was in his element, dressed smartly in a button-down shirt and tailored slacks, talking dolls with Reine, and his good mood seemed to infect his husband, who stared at him with an adoration Tom had never seen before. Sebastian and Luis were good together, Tom thought, before his gaze drifted back to Stella and Corentin, who also seemed content and happy.
He and Ari, Tom suddenly realised, were the only people at the table who’d yet to find that kind of contentment in life.
That’s a lie,Tom abruptly lectured himself,you found it. You had it. But you let it slip away. You let her get away.
His eyes fell back on Ari, who glanced up, meeting his gaze. For a moment they stared at one another, and Tom felt his own cheeks grow hot.
Don’t kid yourself,he quickly reminded himself.She told you herself, there’s no chance for you.
Pulling his eyes from Ari’s, Tom looked down, scowling at his plate ofLyonnaise quenelles,the cream sauce suddenly looking congealed and sickly.
“I say, Jawline,” Stella suddenly piped up, her voice grating, “do you know who I heard from recently? That old disaster of a fiancée of yours. Sasha whatever her name was.”
Tom’s eyes went back to Ari’s, but this time she didn’t meet his gaze. She was looking down, her hands clasped in her lap, her lips pressed together.
She would never forget about Sasha, Tom knew. She would never forget that betrayal, just as she would never forgive his lying to her so consistently and for such a long time. Tom Miller would always be the ghost sitting between them — the elephant in the room they both pretended not to see. Tom sighed, sitting back in his chair and closing his eyes for a moment.
“Getting married, she told me,” Stella carried on, seemingly unaware of the torment Sasha’s name inflicted upon Ari. “Wanted me to take her pictures.”
At those words Tom opened his eyes again, watching as Ari sat taller, her eyes at once falling upon Luis, who was shifting uncomfortably in his chair.
“Luis . . .” Ari began, her voice sharp.
Luis gave a sheepish shrug. “So... Miss Teen Rhode Islandmighthave called me too.”
“Might?”
Luis shrugged again. “Okay, so shedidcall me.”
Ari gave a disbelieving shake of her head. “She wants you to design her wedding dress again, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah,” Luis admitted.
“I suppose,” Marnie suddenly said, “Sasha had a plan she liked for her wedding with Tom. I don’t care for that woman, and I never will, but credit where credit is due, her recycling skills are top notch. So, getting married, is she? Did you know about this, Tom?”
Tom looked to his mother, trying to comprehend what she was asking him and why. It was hard to care about Sasha when Ari was there and hurting.
“No,” he answered shortly. “I didn’t know, and I don’t care.”
