He went to fetch a tissue and passed it to her. He didn’t try comforting her, simply went back to the sofa, and she was thankful for the distance he was keeping between them when she felt so vulnerable. There was no way of knowing how a touch, an embrace even, might end.
‘I don’t think we have necessarily reached a solution,’ he told her, ‘but you can now think of the dilemma in a different way. Saying no isn’t a weakness, any more than saying yes is a strength.’
‘He’ll offer it to Molly Terrance if I don’t take it,’ she said.
‘Do you care? Really?’
Not sure that she did, Cristy dabbed her eyes again and thought of how refusing the offer would rob Andee Lawrence of an opportunity she didn’t even know was hers. ‘Nothing’s ever as straightforward as you’d like it to be,’ she said, almost to herself.
When he didn’t answer, she looked up to find him watching her closely.
‘I’m going to say something now,’ he said, ‘that you probably won’t want to hear, but I recognize heartbreak when I see it, and I strongly believe I am seeing it now.’
Her eyes closed as a wave of emotion engulfed her. She held her breath, waiting for it to pass. ‘I can’t talk about that,’ she told him in a whisper. ‘It’s … too new, too raw.’
‘I understand,’ he said softly. ‘As someone who has felt it every day for many years, I still find it difficult to put it into words. Often, I don’t even feel the need to try, but it can be helpful when I do. It releases a little of the pressure, allows some oxygen into my heart and somehow it keeps me going.’
‘Who do you talk to?’ she asked.
‘Usually my brother. He is not a trained professional, but he is very astute, and of course he knows me well.’
‘It sounds as though you’re close.’
‘We are. I see him as often as I can. He’s good for my sanity, even better for my soul.’
Not sure whether it was right to ask this or not, she decided to go ahead anyway. ‘He obviously knows about Nicole?’
‘Mais bien sûr.He has been worrying since her release about the effect it is having on me, knowing she is free but not telling me where she is. It’s hard, I will admit that, but I also understand that she shares my fear of what the future might hold for us. Will our love be the same now we can be together again? How much has been lost in reality while we continued to believe in our hearts that nothing could tear us apart?’ His eyes came to hers. ‘Have you met her? Spoken to her?’
Cristy nodded.
He swallowed and looked down at his drink. ‘I won’t ask again where she is; she’d already have told me if she wanted me to know.’ He took a breath and put his glass down.
‘She does want to see you,’ Cristy told him softly. ‘She asked me to tell you that.’
His eyes lifted, and she could see the hope as clearly as the pain. ‘Did she also tell you why she confessed to something she didn’t do?’
Mindful of Maggi’s words, she said, ‘How can you be so sure she didn’t?’
There was a long, almost interminable silence before he said, ‘You share my certainty – that’s why you’re helping her.’
She didn’t deny it, simply watched him as he stared at nothing, wondering what he was really thinking, how much he was holding back and whether he was regretting letting her and Connor come here. Maybe there was something else entirely in his mind.
He said very softly, ‘Later this year, it will be their twenty-first birthday. Grown into a young man and woman …’ Hesounded so sad, so bewildered and tormented, that Cristy almost started crying again.
‘Do you believe they’re still out there somewhere?’ she asked.
His eyes closed, and she realized that even if he did think that, he wasn’t going to tell her tonight.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Rain came down so heavily the next morning that, by noon, much of the snow on the roads had turned to slush, making it possible for Cristy and Connor to attempt the drive home.
As soon as that was agreed, Cristy went upstairs to collect her things, still gritty-eyed from so little sleep and reflecting on her conversation with Meier last night, alongside all they’d learned about Bryn Helyg this morning. He hadn’t joined them for breakfast earlier, although he’d appeared briefly an hour ago when Cristy was in the barn helping Susanna to feed the motherless calf. He’d clearly been highly entertained by her efforts, especially when Barnabus – they’d named the little beast already – had pressed his entire weight against her, toppling her back into the hay.
Since then, there had been no sign of him, although it was obviously a busy farm with much to do, hampered no doubt by the weather that had made a full tour of the place impossible. However, Johan and Maggi had organized a virtual viewing in the office, and so by the time the decision was made that Cristy and Connor were probably safe to leave, they had a much clearer picture of the farm and everything that happened there.
It was impressive; there was no doubt about that. Five purpose-built ‘sanctuary’ buildings housed everything fromsoundproofed therapy rooms to well-equipped art and music studios, a spa, a gym – there was even an indoor basketball court. There were also half a dozen staff cottages behind the farmhouse and more a couple of hundred yards down the lane apparently, forming a small hamlet with its very own ancient church. And, of course, there were the two-dozen luxury pods for guests, each with their own hot tub, fully equipped kitchen and outdoor firepit.
