‘Normally, I’d have said yes, but I’ve had a few things to deal with myself lately, so maybe Connor hasn’t felt comfortable talking to me about personal things.’
Matthew regarded her curiously. ‘Anything I need to know about?’ he probed.
She should have seen that coming! However, he was the last person she wanted to talk to about David – or her hormonal chaos, come to that – so she simply said, ‘I’m working things out, thanks.’ And turning to the rest of the team, she announced it was time to start heading over to Piccolino’s.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Cristy was able to work mainly from home for the rest of the week, sorting through feedback and continuing to find a police spokesperson willing to talk them through the original investigation’s ‘anomalies’ – a polite word Clove had come up with to sound less accusatory. It was a relief to have some time to catch up on things she’d neglected over the past weeks, although she kept an eye on the news throughout the day in case of any more developments regarding Nicole or Meier. She didn’t feel the need to stay on it herself. If anything significant broke, she was sure Honey or Jonathan, Meier’s lawyer, would be in touch, and Clove and Jacks were at the office to follow things up anyway.
It was time for her to take a step back from the hold Meier seemed to have woven over her, if hold was the right word. She had certainly fallen under his spell, as Lauren had mentioned, and felt empathetic in a way that wasn’t easily explained considering his crimes. Or was it? It was hard to be clear about what she was thinking when he felt like a friend, someone she wanted to know better, whose advice she trusted and whose world she wanted to be in. Of course, none of it was true. He wasn’t a friend; she didn’t actually want to be a part of his life or spend time with him. It was simply a hazard of what she did; getting involved with someone whose storyshe was telling and ending up finding it hard to let go at the end wasn’t unusual.
Or maybe it was simply easier to immerse herself in the distraction than it was to focus on the one person she really did want to be with, the man who actually mattered and who she’d probably already lost.
To get herself through the more tense moments of waiting for Saturday to come round, she worked on a proposal for Paul Kinsley. Later, she’d get Connor’s input, but there was no rush; they could always discuss it over dinner on Saturday night, when he and Jodi were back from Devon. Unless there was another reason they’d invited her over, and if so, she wouldn’t hesitate to put the proposal aside in order to be as supportive – or as celebratory – as they might need.
Finally, Saturday lunchtime was upon her, and in an effort to stop tormenting herself over David’s imminent arrival, she began going over the proposal again, carrying out further internet searches, adding more data and ideas into the mix and trying not to wish she could discuss it with him. He’d be a great sounding board and would very probably bring some creative thinking to the project that could end up making it impossible to reject.
Aware that if she looked at the clock one more time, she’d end up losing her mind, she got up from the table, abandoning her laptop and notepads to go and pour herself a drink. Even before she’d taken a bottle from the fridge, she closed the door again. Keeping a clear head and maintaining her dignity was what really mattered now. Yes, it was going to hurt a lot when he ended things, and it would probably take her a good while to get over it, but if she could survive the break-up with Matthew, she could survive this too.
She wandered over to the French doors to stare out at the garden, where snowdrops and daffodils were sharing the beds with early shooting tulips and hyacinths. Her preciouscamelia was going to burst into huge crimson flowers any day now, as was the rhododendron climbing the fence. Spring was coming fast. She could imagine how much pleasure Cynthia, David’s mother, was getting from her garden in Guernsey, and it made her long to be there – and fear that she might never see it again.
I’m sorry, Cristy,he was going to say.I don’t want to hurt you, but you know how it goes. When love dies, you just have to let go.
It’s OK. I understand,she’d tell him, dry-eyed and dying inside.Thanks for coming all this way to break it to me. You needn’t have; I’d have been fine with hearing it on the phone …
Can we stay friends? You know how crazy my family are about you …
I’m crazy about them too, but I think a clean break is what’s needed now. With you so far away, it’s not as if we’re going to run into one another … I guess that’s a good thing. I hate that sort of awkwardness, don’t you? I remember it with Matthew; it’s why I left my job in TV and went to start Hindsight. Then Hindsight led to you, and you led me to where we are now, and I have to admit I really wish it wasn’t happening …
As if she was going to say all that! She cringed even to think it, although it might come bursting out if everything started going horribly wrong. Maybe she’d have a lovely hot flush right in the middle of it and start pouring sweat, so he’d think she was crying out of every pore … How fantastic that would be. Such a great way for him to remember her.
She started as the buzzer sounded, and her heart leapt to her throat.
She could do this.
If Meier could find the courage to hand himself in for Nicole, she could face the rejection she dreaded. And why shewas comparing her situation with Meier’s right now, or even thinking about him at all, she had no idea – although it was true she’d almost called him earlier, really to find out how he was but also in the hope he might ask her the same. He was such a good listener … And maybe this proved she was still under his spell …
‘Hi,’ she said into the entryphone.
‘It’s me,’ David told her.
Her heart flipped again, and after releasing the main door, she went to open her own.
The instant she saw him step into the hall, she felt all that was supposed to be holding her together falling apart. How could he possibly look even more attractive than he had the last time she’d seen him? How the hell was she going to get through this without making a fool of herself?
‘Come in,’ she said, standing back as he reached her. ‘I guess the flight was on time.’
‘I drove,’ he replied, hanging his coat before going ahead of her into the sitting room. ‘I came over yesterday … A few things to sort out. So, how have you been?’
He looked so grave, so on edge, that she realized this wasn’t going to be easy for him either, and it made her feel even worse. But it was OK. She didn’t want it to be plain sailing for him; at least it meant he wasn’t entirely indifferent to her feelings, although it was likely to make things even more awkward than they already were.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, attempting a smile. ‘Can I get you a drink of something?’
‘Sure. Thanks. A glass of wine, maybe?’
Glad to be able to have one herself, she went to pour two glasses while he settled onto one of the sofas and let go a long, unsteady sigh. ‘I’m afraid I haven’t heard the latest pod,’ he said, as she brought his drink. ‘It’s been a good series so far though.’
Sitting into the opposite sofa, she said, ‘Thanks. We’llbe doing another episode when we know more, but the pressure’s off for a while.’
