The serious expression said he wasn’t joking.“You do?”The next words slipped out before she could stop herself.“Why?”
Those blue eyes sparked as he leaned forward, tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.“Why?You really don’t know?”
Why was he looking at her like he wanted to get closer, like he wanted to–
“I know I hurt you, even though I was only trying to protect you.But you, Katie Layton, are the very best thing that ever happened to me, and I couldn’t quite let that go.Every time I opened a jar of your soup, I thought of you…pictured your hair…your smile….”His gaze flitted over her face, slid to her neck, back to her eyes.“I remembered everything, and the recall was torment as much as it was heaven.”
15
How many times in the past ten years had Ian wished for a moment when they shared the same space…mere inches away…so close…so–
Katie stepped back—away from him and memories of how they used to be.“That was a long time ago.”
“And yet I can still recall so many details.”He picked up the dish towel, lifted a glass from the rack, and began drying it, careful to keep his voice even, the desperation hidden.“That summer was the best and worst of my life.”He set the glass on the counter, reached for another.“I’d finally found somewhere I belonged, and more importantly—” he looked at her, and this time he did not hide his feelings, “—I found a girl who wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met before…and I wanted to spend my life with her.”
She stared at the dishwater, no doubt trying to shut out his words.“We’re not kids anymore.”
“No, we’re not.Look at me and tell me there isn’t part of you that thinks about what it could be like for us if you gave me another chance.”There was so much he wanted to tell her, but first he had to see if there was even half a chance she could care for him again.If not, he’d have to accept her words, and maybe he’d finish this project and leave without her ever knowing about his association with Katie’s Soups.Did hewantto do that?No, he wanted her tocareabout him.If she turned him away, he’d make sure the company thrived and perhaps one of the ways to do that was to stay in the background—anonymous.It would be difficult enough to admit the truth if she agreed to give him a shot because it could all blow up in his face and–
“You hurt me, Ian.And while your motives might have been noble, I can’t forget the pain.I cursed you, spent days wishing I’d never met you, but…” Her voice cracked, spilled more pain.“Being with you destroyed every chance of truly caring about another man.No one ever measured up to you, and I hated that because you did not deserve to be held in such high regard…and yet it didn’t seem to matter.Even my ex-fiancé didn’t have all of my heart.He thought it would change in time, but I knew the truth.I wouldneverlet him in, and he shouldnothave been okay with that.”
Ian had done this to her.“I am so damn sorry.”
“Why should I trust you again?Why should I believe you?”
Why should she?“I care about you…” Damn it, he loved her, but he was still lying to her, and whether or not he was trying to help her, it was wrong.If he didn’t come clean soon, she’d never forgive him.
“Sometimes the people we care about most are the ones who hurt us the deepest.Just don’t hurt me again.”Her voice turned husky.“I wouldn’t survive it.”She moved toward him, leaned on tiptoe, and placed a soft kiss on his mouth.“Please, don’t hurt me again,” she whispered against his lips.
She slid her fingers around his neck, deepened the kiss.He’d been a fool to think he could work beside her and not touch her, taste her…
When the tiny moan escaped her lips, need shot straight to his groin, consumed him.One kiss or ten would not be enough…nothing would satisfy him until he touched and tasted every inch of her.And if he didthatbefore he told her the truth, she’d hate him.Hehadto tell her…had to…
When she reached for his belt buckle, he broke the kiss and stepped back, gasping for air as he tried to find a shred of common sense in his lust-filled brain.If he wanted a chance with her, they couldnotmake love until she knew the whole truth.
“Ian?You don’t want this?”
She stared at him, eyes bright, lips swollen.Was that surprise, shock, or humiliation?He might have done a lot of things wrong in this relationship, but he was not going to let her think he didn’t want her.He took another step back, out of touching distance, before he did something stupid like convince himself it wouldn’t matter if he told her the truth later—like after he slept with her.“Want it?I want it so damn much I can hardly breathe.But it’s too soon, there’s too many years between us, and too much you don’t know about me.I won’t do that to you again.”He dragged a hand through his hair, let out a frustrated sigh.“But don’t ever doubt how much I want you.”
Ian couldn’t stop thinkingabout the way things ended tonight.When he got back to his place, he tried to call Katie, but she didn’t answer.Texting came next, just a simpleWe need to talk about this.Nope, nothing.He used to be the one who didn’t return calls or texts, which meantnot interested in what you’re offering.But Katie had been ready to sleep with him, and maybe she didn’t want to hear excuses as to why he’d said no.Maybe yet again, he’d hurt her, humiliated her, damaged her trust in him.
He wastryingto do the right thing by staying away from touching her until he told her he was the silent investor…and the engineer.
If he thought time would make a difference, he should have thought again.When he dialed her number the next morning, it went straight to voicemail.He didn’t bother to text because he’d already figured there would be no response.Great.They were supposed to meet this afternoon to go over the bottleneck analysis.Should he just show up and pretend last night never happened?Or show up and apologize again?Maybe he should show up and tell herhewas the investor?
At least the bar took his mind off the current mess he’d created.A bartender always hears stories that make his own life seem not so bad.Unfortunately, the afternoon patrons didn’t have sad stories of “she done me wrong”.That made Ian’s predicament front, center, and big-time messed up.When he finished his shift, he headed home for a quick shower before heading to Katie’s Soups.He’d just gotten out of the shower when his phone dinged a message.
No need to stop in today.I’ve got it handled.
Right.Code fordon’t want to see you,andthere’s nothing you can say to change what happened.
Was she going to avoid him and pretend he wasn’t living in Magdalena right now?Act like she hadn’t confessed how much he’d helped her with the efficiency issues?Right.Ian pulled out leftovers from Harry’s Folly, heated up Chicken Marsala, and pulled out his laptop.The best way to forget your problems is to work on another problem.
An email from one of the automotive industry investments requested advice on a machine that kept breaking down.Thatshould take his mind off of her for a while.Machines never failed you once you understood how they worked.They delivered.They didn’t cry or change direction or behave in a way you didn’t expect.Machines didn’t have that sort of emotion.They were predictable and he understood them.
But not today.Even the troubleshooting he always loved couldn’t quite snuff out the issue with Katie.Visions of her kept sneaking through his subconscious, demanding to be noticed; the red highlights in her hair…the sparkle in her whiskey-colored eyes…the huskiness of her voice…
He couldn’t forget any of it, though he spent the next few hours trying to occupy his brain with logical diagnostic reasoning.
