“My parents wouldn’t approve.”
“Ah.”
“Oh my God.” The air leaves my lungs. “The plan I’ve always had in mind came from my parents.”
With not much family, it was the three of us. It was their marriage that was the model for what I wanted in life. Dad went to work, Mum stayed home and then had dinner and a drink ready. I would do my schoolwork, eat with them, then go back to my room.
“I created an entire life plan based off people that never showed me love.” Tears well in my eyes before spilling over.
Hannah nods. “It’s hard when the people that are supposed to love us don’t show us that. If we don’t have a model of a healthy relationship, it can be hard to find one as an adult. You have still tried to be the person they would approve of even now.”
I go on to explain to her about my parents moving to the city and our run-in at the restaurant.
“After what happened, it’s clear they don’t care.” Ibrush an angry tear away. “And I pushed away the one person who actually did.”
Hannah holds out the box of tissues to me, and I grab one. Now that the tears have started, it’s hard to keep them inside.
“I feel so stupid,” I confess.
“You’re not,” Hannah corrects me. “Keeping a lot of these emotions repressed and bringing them to the forefront of your focus is hard. We don’t know what we don’t know.”
I sniffle. “I’m feeling very messy right now.”
“It’s okay, Olivia. Messy is okay.”
I dab the tears on my cheek, letting the soft music flow into me as I take deep breaths.
“Tell me how you’re feeling,” Hannah says.
“I’m confused. I’m sad, but at the same time, it feels good to realize this.”
“It’s hard. But I’m going to give you some homework.”
I smile at her. “I didn’t realize I’d have work to do for this.”
“Sometimes. I think you’d benefit from journaling your feelings. Whether it’s sad or happy, I want you to sit with them. Feel them. It’s going to be hard, but journaling is a good way to do this.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
“That’s all the time we have for today, but let’s make an appointment for next week. You made great progress this week.”
“Thank you, I’d like that.”
After making another appointment, I slip into my coat and walk out. With extra tissues in my pocket. My heart is raw. Everything feels scrubbed down and left open for everyone to see.
Tension builds in my head as I step out into thesunshine. It feels weird to see the sun shining so bright when I’m a jumbled mess.
I was skeptical when the girls told me I needed therapy to work through my issues. Turns out, they were right. One visit, and I’m learning things about myself.
Maybe it means if I work through them, I could have a future with Tag…
Chapter Thirty
TAG
As if life wasn’t shitty enough, the team is playing like crap. We’d been on a hot streak since the holidays but it’s come to a grinding halt. Any progress they made was thrown right out the window tonight.
Missed passes. Easy goals let in. High sticking and holding that led to time in the sin bin.
