“I—”
“I don’t need your pity,” he cuts me off.
“I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say you and I are more alike than you know.”
“Really?”
I tuck my feet under my butt and sit facing him. I’m close to him, my knees brushing against his thigh.
“Neither one of my parents wanted me either.”
“How could anyone not want you?” Bode asks. His large, warm hand drops onto my knee, and it causes all the feelings swirling around inside of me to become a jumbled mess.
Lust.
Anger.
Sadness.
Desire.
It’s too much, but it has me confessing even more to him.
“My mom was always working two jobs because my dad split when I was five. She blamed me for it. Said I ruined her life. Made her feel worthless. Ugly. Finally, when I was a teenager, I moved in with Nan. I couldn’t take it anymore and petitioned the state to become an emancipated minor.”
“Really?” Bode asks.
“Really. When I told my grandma that’s what I wanted to do, she stepped in and took me in. I haven’t seen my mom since.”
And it explains why I bounce from relationship to relationship. Always settling for any man that gives me a scrap of attention. It’s also why I want to make my own way and not stay here for free.
Sure, Bode might not need my rent money, but I don’t want to leech off his generosity.
“I guess you and I really are alike,” Bode tells me. “I’m sorry you went through that.”
“I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Doesn’t make growing up easy.”
“Really?” Bode squeezes my knee. “It kind of turned me into a dick.”
“Yeah?”
He scrubs his free hand over his face, hiding the wince. “I slept my feelings away with anyone I could. I’m not proud to admit it, but it was easier than facing the fact that no one loved me.”
“But you have Eve,” I point out. “Surely she told you she loved you.”
“She did. But it’s different, you know? I was already abandoned at that point and it didn’t really help.”
I drop my elbow onto my knee and rest my head on my fist. “I was the same way. I mean, not falling into bed with any guy, but anyone who looked at me and said I looked pretty, I fell for. Hook, line, and sinker. Guys wanted the quiet, pretty one. The second things started to get serious, they dumped me.”
Bode’s finger traces a circle on my knee. I don’t even think he knows he’s doing it. “They’re idiots.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No.” Bode’s hand cups my cheek. “I’m serious, Stevie. You’re so much more than just the pretty one. And I’m not just saying that.”
I’ve never bared my soul like this to anyone. Bode is the only person I’ve felt safe with. How can I confess my darkest secrets to the man I only met a few weeks ago? The secrets that make me feel less than. That hammered into my psyche just how unlovable I really am.
“I always tried to be the badass, but no one ever saw me like that.”
