Gran pats my cheek. “I never thought I’d see the day when you’d be okay with him on your own.”
I smile down at my son’s happy face. “Yeah, we’re good.”
I never thought I’d want to stay in on a Friday night. But honestly? There’s not many people I want to see right now.
“I’m proud of you, you know that, right?” Gran asks me, walking around the couch and dropping onto the end of the chaise. “Not many people would have stepped up like you did.”
“I honestly didn’t think I had it in me,” I confess. “I worry I’m going to fail Caleb every day.”
Gran laughs and that has my attention swinging to hers.
“Oh, honey. Welcome to parenthood. That will never go away. Just wait until he becomes a teenager.”
“Fuck.” I scrub a hand down my face. The tiny bundle in my arms giggles. “You’re looking forward to that, aren’t you?”
“It’s even harder doing it alone, but you’re not.”
I nod my head. “I know.”
“We’re all here for you. Whatever you need, my sweet boy.”
“Thanks, Gran. I love you.”
“I know. I love you too.” She drops a kiss onto the top of my head. “Deb and I are heading out. Don’t wait up for us.”
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” I yell after her.
She waves her hand in acknowledgment and is out the front door. The minute it closes behind her, it’s quiet.
Too quiet.
Except for the sound of Caleb blabbering. Until he very clearly says, “Dada.”
“Oh my God. Can you say that again? Dada. That’s me.”
“Dadadada.”
I sweep him up into the air, loving the sound of those words coming from him. “Stevie?—”
Fuck. She’s not here. I can’t share in the excitement of this moment with her.
She’s been gone for two weeks and I hate it. I hate how silent the house is without her. I hate not seeing her every morning. Having her smile welcome me home. Playing games with her. Laughing with her.
Fuck. I miss everything about her.
I thought things would settle down once the team issued a statement, but they haven’t. And I’m pissed.
Pissed off to the point where I’m having someone dig into how they got Stevie’s email.
Just thinking about how much pain they’ve caused her makes my own heart ache. Ache at how much I miss her. Miss just spending a night in with her. I never thought I was the settling down type. That I would grow old with one person and want that more than anything else in life.
My life has two eras—before Caleb and Stevie, and after. Looking back, I really don’t like the person that I was. Everything I did was to not feel. Turns out, that was not the way to go through life. Sitting with my thoughts on my own? I hated it.
Stevie made me confront all of that. Made it easier to come to terms with.
Her confidence made me believe in myself. Made me believe I could actually be a good dad to Caleb.
There isn’t one trace of who I was before him in this house. The TV? Playing a kids’ show that I find I don’t hate. Toys of all kinds are spread out on Caleb’s play mat. Baby blankets and wash cloths sit in a neat pile at the end of the couch. Something to put away once he goes to bed. The wet bar? Yeah, all that alcohol has sat untouched for months. It’s now stocked with all of Caleb’s food.
