I miss that more than anything. Knowing these small things about her that I knew without even trying before. That not many people knew about her.
“You want to sit?”
There’s a small couch next to the window. Harper drops down onto the corner of the bed, crossing one leg over the other.
I drop down onto the sofa and scrub my hands over my pant legs. “This isn’t easy for me to talk about, Harper, but I need you to know why I left.”
My eyes are locked on hers. She sucks in a deep breath, her blue eyes widening. “Okay.”
I fist my hands on top of my knees, needing to ground myself. “My sister and brother-in-law died.”
“What?” Harper gasps, hand flying to cover her mouth. “Jamie and Dan?”
I nod. “They were driving home late and got into an accident. Sam and Sadie weren’t with them, thank God.”
“Oh my God. The girls. Your daughters. It’s?—”
“Sam and Sadie. Jamie and Dan’s daughters. I adopted them,” I confirm. “They were with my parents that night. I got that call while we were on the road in Seattle.”
Understanding dawns on Harper’s face, but she doesn’t say anything.
“I flew straight home,” I continue. “My mom was hysterical. Sobbing. Screaming. I left everything behind and got on a plane. A few days later, my dad died from a sudden heart attack.”
“Marcus. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I drop my head, squeezing the back of my neck. “My heart got ripped out, Harper. Jamie and I always said we’d take each other’s kids if anything happened to the other. Itwas always said in jest. Something that wouldn’t happen. But it did. All of a sudden I had twin one-year-old girls. How was that fair to you?”
Harper’s face changes from one of shock to anger. “Fair? Do you want to talk aboutfair, Marcus?”
“Tell me.”
“How is it fair that I thought something happened to you? That one morning I woke up and you were there and the next gone? I was terrified, Marcus. Thinking the worst thing happened. The only reason I knew you were okay was because I saw you on TV. I went to the rink that night. Your first game back.” Her voice wobbles. “I went to the players’ door, wanting to see you. To get answers. Security kicked me out.”
I wince. “I’m not proud of that. But I knew if I saw you, I’d cave. You didn’t deserve to be tied down.”
“I should have been allowed to make that decision, Marcus!” Harper shouts. “You broke my fucking heart by walking out on me. I was a wreck.”
Tears slide down Harper’s cheeks and they might as well drown me. My heart aches, and my hand shoots up to my chest, rubbing at the familiar feeling. I hate myself for making her cry, for the choices I felt I had to make.
“I know, I?—”
“No, you don’t!” Harper jumps up, stabbing a finger in my chest as I look up at her. “I had no idea why you left and I was heartbroken. We were married one week, supposedly not the next, and then I was alone the week after. You don’t know what that’s like. That wasn’t fair, Marcus.”
Harper is pacing the room now. There’s not a lot of space, so I watch her.
“You can hate me if you want,” I tell her.
Harper draws up short, resting her hands on her hips. “That’s the problem, Marcus. I don’t hate you. It would be so much easier if I did.”
“Then what do you feel?” I stand, approaching her with the caution of a lion stalking its prey.
“Sad. I’m heartbroken for you for having to go through all of this alone. For those sweet girls of yours for losing their parents. Your mom for losing her husband, son-in-law, and daughter all in two weeks. I feel sad for me too, because I didn’t get to be there for you. I loved Jamie. She was always so nice to me when she came to visit us at school.”
A few stray tears escape my eyes. “I’m sorry, Harper. I didn’t know how to handle anything back then. I was a twenty-two-year-old idiot who had never had to deal with any hardships in his life.”
“I hate how mad at you I am,” Harper cries. She bites down hard onto her bottom lip, crossing her arms. “But I’m mad at myself right now too.”
“Why?” I whisper.
