“And you’re scared,” Alex clarifies.
“Yes.”
“The terrifying feeling of being in love,” Carter says. “It’s not easy.”
“It’s hard to decide when the time is right for you to come out,” Alex starts. “I stayed in the closet for too long, terrified that coming out would get me ousted from the league. It’s the last thing I wanted, and honestly? I was scared. But then I realized that the time was never right because I hadn’t yet found the right person to be with.”
The tender look they share has my heart clanging around against my rib cage. Could Noah and I have this? It’s what I want more than anything.
“What if it doesn’t work out? What if the guys on the team aren’t accepting? What if?—”
“Graham.” Alex holds a hand up, cutting me off. “Life is nothing but what-ifs. We have no idea if things will work out or not. That’s why you need to do this for you. Not for anyone else. When I came out, I did it knowing full well I might never see Carter again. But just because I came out, doesn’t mean it’s always easy. There were some hard days, but it was easier having him at my side.”
“It was,” Carter agrees. “It takes a great deal of strength to come out when you’re in the public spotlight. No matter what, someone is going to have an opinion about it, even with how far we’ve come for LGBTQIA+ people in sports.Youhave to weigh whether the attention you’ll inevitably get will be worth it or not. It’s okay if you’re not ready. You don’t have to do it just becauseyou feel like you have to. Know that, Graham. No one is forcing you to come out.”
I blow out a breath, leaning back into the couch. I can’t make this decision with anyone but me in mind. I know that. Iknewthat. Having these two reiterate it to me makes it that much harder to come to terms with what I’m thinking of doing.
I love Noah. I know this. It’s been the only thing I’ve been thinking about for the last few weeks. I honestly thought the feelings I had toward him would go away. That it would have been a fling that I got out of my system.
That is so far from the truth that it’s laughable.
Now I’m here at my uncles’ house trying to figure out what I want to do next. Do I keep my truth hidden? Do I take the time to fully figure it out before revealing whatever it might be?
Or do I fly by the seat of my pants and say fuck it and come out to everyone?
“Coming out looks different to everyone,” Alex says.
“Are you reading my mind?” I laugh.
He gives me a warm smile. “You don’t have to make some big proclamation to the world. I did what I felt was best for me. If you decide you do want to come out, you get to decide how you do it.”
“Really?”
“Really,” they say at the same time.
“I guess in my position I thought it would be all or nothing.”
“Have you talked to your parents? That might be a good place to start,” Alex tells me. “Your dad was nothing but supportive when I came out.”
I smile back at them, feeling at ease for the first time. “I did. They were the ones who told me to come talk to you.”
“Have we helped or made it even worse for you?”
I stand, letting them know I don’t want to take up any more of their time. “Helped. A lot, actually.”
“Good.” Alex wraps me in a hug as we walk to the door.
“Thank you. I appreciate you talking it out with me.”
Carter gives me a hug as Alex opens the door for me. “We’re here if you need to talk more. Whatever you need, day or night.”
“Thanks.”
Stepping outside, I take a deep breath of the cold, Denver air. I know exactly what I need to do. The decision comes easily.
No nerves. No overthinking it.
Just do it.
