“Shouldn’t you be at the game?” I point to the TV.
“I’m good.”
Piper’s engagement ring glints in the low light of the room. Even though it’s been a few weeks, harsh lighting can still give me a headache. The TV? I’m listening to it more than watching. Of course Colorado is dominating.
Nothing new. I turn my attention away from my sister and look up at the ceiling, closing my eyes.
I hate how everyone is constantly worried about me. The hovering. The asking how I’m feeling. I know they’re doing it out of love, but I hate it.
Because I can’t really tell them how I’m feeling. Even though they’re sensing that it’s more than the injury and being benched.
How can I tell them I’m in love with someone who isn’t out? That I broke my own rule and started something with Graham when I knew better?
Maybe I should talk to Piper about it. I mean, it’s not like I have to tell her who it is.
“Can I ask you something?” I turn my head to face her, and it’s hard to ignore the gleeful look on her face. I can count onone hand the number of times I’ve asked her for advice. With her being younger than me by a few years, I never really went to her.
“Sure.”
“What do you do when you’re in love with someone you can’t have?”
“You’re in love?” Now she looks shocked.
“I think so?”
Piper pins me with a look so like our mother, it pulls a smile out of me. One of the only ones that I’ve given out lately.
“How do you think so?”
I scrub a hand over my forehead. “I’ve never been in love before, Piper. It’s a new thing for me. I was just fine with the guys on the side during the season, but when I found someone, I started something knowing it wouldn’t last.”
“Why can’t it last?” Piper asks.
“He’s not out.” I blow out a breath. “I’d never force him to come out, but we’re in different places in our life. He’s still figuring out who he is. Why would he want to be tied down to me?”
“Hey!” Piper looks like she’s going to punch me in the arm, but thinks better of it. Good thing I’m still in this sling, because she packs a fierce punch. “Any guy would be lucky to have you. And maybe you’re going about this all wrong. Maybe he just needs time to figure out who he is.”
“I don’t want to push him into anything he doesn’t want. So until then?—”
“You’re moping on the couch. Been there.”
Piper and Cash went through a rough patch thanks to Piper’s ex and his girlfriend at the time. Thankfully they were able to move past it, because as different as the two of them are, they are perfect together.
“It really fucking sucks,” I confirm.
“Can you tell me who it is?” Piper asks.
“I want to, but I can’t.”
I wish I could, because maybe she could say something that would make it better. But I wouldn’t do that to Graham. It’s not my thing to tell. To out him.
All I’ve done is think about this man for the last two weeks. The quiet moments together in hotel rooms across the country. The night at the bar. Hell, even the pain in his eyes when I left.
That one hurts the most to think about.
I don’t know when I gave my heart to Graham, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back. He knows what this life is like. Maybe that’s why I fell for him. I was just fine these last few years being on my own. I didn’t feel like my life was missing anything.
Watching the guys around me fall in love didn’t affect me.
