Why worry?
If only I could tell these guys what is really bothering me. It’s so much more than Noah’s physical well-being.
It’s my own well-being at stake too.
I don’t want anyone else—man or woman. I want Noah Fields. Noah is the only person I’ve ever felt this way about. It’s like I can’t reconcile a way to be without him.
But I have to figure out a way to make it through the rest of the season without self-imploding. Wouldn’t do anyone any good if I lost my position with the Knights. I’m still on a rookie contract and could be traded.
Which is the last thing I need if I want to be able to have a relationship with Noah.
Grabbing my towel, I hit the showers, wanting to get my conversation with Coach over and done with. I let the hot water stream down my body. It helps to calm the raging thoughts going through me.
Mainly what I’m going to say to Coach Andrews.
I wave to a few of the guys as they head out before I change back into my suit and head toward my reckoning.
The red carpet under my feet softens my footfalls. The windows looking into the other offices are dark, as most people have already cleared out after the game, likely going out to celebrate another great win.
I knock on the door, where Coach is waiting and calls me in.
A whiteboard takes up almost the entire wall to the right of me, with a desk piled high with papers. Coach Andrews is always studying our stats and other players’ stats as well as looking for any edge he can get on any team we play. As any coach shoulddo, but our old coach? Being a student of the game wasn’t on his radar.
“Graham. Thanks for coming.”
“You wanted to see me?”
I drop down into the seat across from him. Coach Andrews pulls off his thick glasses and drops them onto the desk in front of him.
“Is everything okay with you, Graham?”
Wiping my hands on my suit pants, I lean back in the chair. There’s no point in lying to him. I’m clearly off my game. Anyone who knows anything can see that.
“I, uh, I guess I was a little more shaken up about the hit Noah took than I let on.”
“It’s okay that you were. A lot of the guys were. But you need to talk to us about these things.”
“I guess our old coach didn’t really let us express our feelings.”
Coach Andrews shakes his head. “Look. I know a lot of people still frown upon men having feelings, but something traumatic happened, and I want you to feel you can come to me.”
“Okay.”
“And not go after other players to take out whatever you’re feeling.”
That has a chagrined smile spreading across my face. “I know. I haven’t been at my best.”
“Do you need some time off? It’s okay if you’re not doing okay.”
“No!” I bark out, a little too loudly. “Sorry, Coach. I’ll get my head back in the game. No more dumb mistakes.”
“We need you, Graham. You’ve been an asset to this team from the beginning, and I’d hate to see that change because of something that is out of your control.”
“I’m sorry, Coach. I promise, I’ll get my head back in the game.”
“Is that it? Nothing else is bothering you?” He twirls the pen in his hand around his fingers, studying me.
I shake my head. “No, Coach. That’s all. I’ll make sure tonight won’t happen again.”
