Fuck. Getting a concussion really sucks.
“Are you okay?”
Graham’s voice is close. So close, I sink into the feel of it as it washes over me. Tears now sting my eyes.
I hate that I set myself up for this.
Graham was only just starting to explore his sexuality while I am secure in my own. It was never going to work. I let myself go down this road, and for what?
A broken heart and a banged-up head?
“I’ll be fine,” I whisper, keeping my eyes focused on my sneakers. “But I can’t keep doing this, Graham.”
“Tell me why.”
“Because—”
“Look at me when you say it.” Graham’s knuckle comes under my chin as he drags my eyes up to meet his. The brown orbs are swirling with pain. The same pain I’ve been feeling every day for the last two weeks.
“Because we’re in different places. I’ve never hidden who I am, and you’re just figuring out who you are.”
“But—”
I cut him off. “I don’t want to pressure you. That’s the absolute last thing that I want. But being here with you isn’t going to make you figure it out any faster. And I can’t keep doing this to myself.”
Graham’s warm hand cups my cheek. I want to lean into his touch but I don’t. Everything hurts.
My head.
My shoulder.
My heart.
No need to make it worse than it is.
“I can be that person for you,” Graham tells me. There’s not much confidence infused in his tone, and it helps to solidify my decision.
“I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for, Graham. I would never forgive myself if I did. I know what that guy’s comment did to you.”
“I wish it didn’t.”
I nod ever so softly. “I know. It’s okay. I don’t want you to get hurt in all of this.”
Even though I know I’m breaking both of our hearts right now.
“I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’ll be sure to find another place when I do.”
“I’m not kicking you out.”
“I know, but I can’t stay here.”
Seeing Graham every day and not being able to touch him? It’d be a hell of my own making.
Leaning in, Graham presses a soft kiss to my lips. I want to savor it. Hold him close and let him press his mouth to every part of me that hurts. To make everything feel better.
Instead, I hold back the tears and step away from him. The man I have irrevocably fallen in love with.
“I’ll see you around, Graham.”
