Prologue
ALEX - TWENTY-TWO YEARS EARLIER
“Is it too much to ask you guys to shut the hell up? We’ve got a big game today and I’m trying to focus.” I run a hand through my ragged hair.
“Oh shit. Something really did crawl up your ass.” Colin’s eyes drift to the other three crowding around my locker.
“What’s got you so grumpy today?” Knox whips a towel in my direction.
“I’m fine.”
“Everyone knows when someone says they’re ‘fine’ they’re not actually ‘fine,’” Logan states matter-of-factly.
The tension in the locker room is high. Everyone is getting pumped for the game today. Especially since it’s against Vegas. They’re gunning for us today since we’re leading the division.
But the tension sitting in my shoulders is for an entirely different reason. It’s been a long few weeks.
Long, agonizing weeks without Carter.
I’ve never had anyone in my life like him before. Eventhat brief shining glimpse of him was more than I could handle.
I’ve never felt so much love from one person before. Carter loved me for me. Not for the player I am. I was able to be myself with him. My true, nerdy, boy-band loving self.
And I threw that all away because I’m scared. Too scared to live my truth and be who I am. Because if anyone finds out I’m gay, how would the world react?
It’s the same thought that keeps me up at night. Tossing and turning in my big empty bed.
Practice drained me of what little energy I have. It’s like I’m moving through a swamp without him.
And every time I look at the coach, who just happens to be Carter’s dad? It’s like I’m looking at Carter in twenty years and everything I’ll have missed out on in life. All because I’m letting the fear win.
“As long as his head is in the game, let him be,” Jackson pipes up as he tugs his jersey on over his pads. “Alex knows what this game means.”
Fuck.
As if anyone needed to add any more pressure to the weight on my shoulders.
I grab the eighteen jersey out of my locker, tracing the captain patch. In the last two weeks, I’ve felt like anything but a captain.
Snapping at anyone who dropped a pass or missed a block.
Fuck, Knox is right.
Except I’m way more than grumpy.
“Listen up, everyone.” Coach’s voice echoes around the locker room. The Mountain Lions logo on the floor beneath him looks like it’s ready to swallow him whole.
“It’s going to be a tough game out there today.Conditions are less than ideal. But we’re used to the weather—it’s nothing new. Plus we have home field advantage. So play your game and the rest will take care of itself.”
I barely hear Knox’s speech when he takes over from Coach before everyone empties out of the locker room. The noise of the crowd as we run out onto the field doesn’t seem as loud as usual.
It’s like everything is dull.
But not the icy rain. It’s cutting as it soaks through the long-sleeved shirt underneath my pads.
Winter came early as my breaths are easy to see in the low light of the late afternoon. The stadium lights block out most of the crowd as we walk out to midfield for the coin toss.
Derek Hollins is out there for Vegas. His cocky grin as he shakes Colin’s hand has me wanting to throw punches out here.
