“I’ll never see it again,” I mumbled, my shoulders deflating that it was there to stay.
“And you’re not ready to look in the mirror yet?” he asked. I nodded. “I brought you here to get your back tattooed so that when you’re ready to look in the mirror again, it’s something you’ll want to see. Something that will remind you to live and believe in your strength.”
Surprised, my mouth dropped open. Once again, I wondered how he always knew what to do.
“This,” he pointed to the sketch, “is you.” He touched a finger to my cheek. “A lioness who’s found her pride. Not arrogance, but a dignified sense of self, equivalent to your status. A queen.”
I once read that a group of lions was called a pride, and I’d found my family with Xavier. How he explained it, though, was something I would’ve never thought possible. I swallowed, trying to understand that feeling in my jaw that matched the sting behind my eyes. Would I cry?
“Do you trust me?” he asked, mistaking my silence for hesitation.
The tears didn’t come, but I answered with something I knew I’d never regret. “Always.”
Chapter 35 – Mikaela
One Week Later
The last week had been an emotional high. I didn’t think finding myself again after the miscarriage would be this exciting. It was.
Not only had I experienced my first laugh, my first smile, and baked my first chocolate cake. I got my first tattoo—a lioness representing a strength I was slowly finding. Even though I didn’t know how the tattoo looked, I trusted Xavier’s words that it was perfect. Following that, Levana pierced my ears, so now I got to wear my first set of earrings. Two little pearls Xavier bought me that I couldn’t stop touching.
Silly me also spent hours practicing my smile and my laugh. I would touch it and see if I could command it at will. Quickly finding out that wasn’t how it worked. Disappointed, I also watched movies to learn what made those people smile and laugh without thought. One afternoon while getting ready to join the others at the pool, the movie I’d been watching stopped at a kissing scene.
The thought of being kissed like the woman in the movie had me blushing. But the way she smiled after made me want to smile just like that. It didn’t materialize, though and I finally accepted that happiness didn’t come with an on-and-off switch. It needed genuine bliss to formulate, an unerring joy to expand, and contentment to stay.
Yet, when I walked through the castle, letting my feet find the large indoor pool area again, the sight of Xavier was all it took for my smile to form. In the last two weeks since I moved out of his bedroom, I often woke to find him asleep on the sofa with a book on his chest. The knowledge he was there, always just a whisper away, made my sleep peaceful.
Sometimes I also found myself comparing celebrities to Xavier, regardless of how pretty they all looked, he always sat at the top of that list. Even if I didn’t want to admit it, he seemed like a man who’d make a woman dance to his commands and sing to his touches. I might not appreciate sex and love like most people, I’d experienced enough to know both could hurt a woman and read enough to understand both could make a woman feel wonderful.
Silly me questioned the effect he had on me. Logical me insisted it was a natural reaction to the kindness he showed. That stirring between my legs I’d felt before said otherwise. Still, it didn’t stop that flutter in my stomach as I walked toward him.
Unlike Saint and Levana, who waded in the water, Xavier lay stretched out on a pool lounger. Sun pouring through the glass roof above danced across the top of his head, highlighting the black flecks between the silver. In gray tracksuit bottoms and a white T-shirt pulled tight across his muscular chest, he relaxed with a book in one hand and the other curved behind his head. Dark sunglasses perched on his nose, he seemed lost in the book. He didn’t hear me approach until I was right by his side.
“Hi,” I greeted.
He lowered his book. “Hi.”
