I looked back at the man. As if he sensed my fear, he removed his black glasses, revealing friendly brown eyes followed by a soft smile. “Hello, ma’am,” he said, extending a hand.
I didn’t accept his hand. “Ma’am?” I didn’t know why I didn’t like that. Maybe I’d heard it from one of Master’s guests.
“Yes, love, it’s a sign of respect,” Xavier answered.
“Can he call me Cinder, please?”
Xavier nodded to Ramone, who smiled in acknowledgment, still holding out his hand. “Hello, Cinder.”
“Hello, Ramone.” This time I held out my hand and watched his large one swallow mine.
Another minute later and the car drove away from the castle. Fascinated, I stared out the back window. “There’s even a drawbridge,” I whispered as we crossed over it, my tone filled with excitement. I glanced away from the window to find Xavier watching me.
His lips, shaded by a white beard peppered with black, parted on a slow smile. “Excited?” He withdrew, what I learned was a phone, from his trouser pocket.
I nodded, and as he spoke to someone on the phone, I turned to look out the window. My first time in the car, I saw darkness dotted with lights. Now, everything appeared big, noisy, and bright. It all seemed to jump at me through the window, leaving me breathless from fear more than excitement. I didn’t realize I’d backed away until I felt Xavier against my rear. I snuck a look at him.
“Hold on,” he said into the phone, looking at me. “I’m right here, love. You’re safe.” He held out his hand, and when I slipped mine into his, he placed it on his chest.
Instinctively, my eyes closed, calmed by the soft vibration beneath my palm as everything droned out.
When we reached the place Xavier called a shopping center, I heard him tell Ramone to park on a side street that led to some boutique. Entering through a small door, Xavier guided me down a long passage that soon opened into a large space, overwhelming me. There were too many shelves, and despite rows and rows of pretty dresses, I no longer felt any excitement. What if I got lost here? Would Xavier find me?
Maybe because I was squeezing his hand that held mine, he looked down at me, and his smile asked me to trust him.
A lady appeared from behind a door to our side, startling me. “Xavier, it’s been too long.” She grasped his arms and kissed both his cheeks.
Why did I suddenly not like that? Some weird thing happened in my chest that I didn’t understand. It was like I wanted to breathe, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know I was frowning until he chuckled at me.
“Cinder, this is my friend, Suman. She’ll help you with everything you want. Say hello.”
My eyes drifted from his hand on her lower back to her face. I found it strange that I didn’t like her. Something in the way she looked at me, even with a smile, tickled the fine hairs on my back. If I had to compare her stare, it reminded me of when Zarina wanted to sell me to that man I couldn’t remember. Maybe it was my cautious brain’s way of associating all ladies with Zarina.
Suman’s smile disappeared when I said nothing, and her eyes narrowed at me. “Not very obedient, is she?”
I shifted my gaze to Xavier, who was still looking at me with only one corner of his mouth curved in a smile. Was he angry with my disobedience as well? I didn’t understand their relationship, but her question hinted they were close.
“As per your requests, I’ve closed the store, and there are no mirrors,” she said to him, then held out a hand to me. “We can start with the dresses if you like.”
No mirrors?Was it because I’d broken the mirrors in his home? Maybe he thought I’d have a repeat panic attack. Did he not trust me? He’d told me he wasn’t angry.
The questions buzzed in my head, I didn’t move from my spot, and the lady looked from me to Xavier and back. Before she could say anything, he stepped closer. “I’m not leaving you. I’ll be right here.” He pointed to a sofa. “You can choose whatever you want. Okay?” I didn’t miss the firmness in his words. He wanted me to obey him.
“Yes, Master,” the words fell out before I could stop them. I heard Xavier’s sharp inhale, his jaw clenching. “I’m sorry,” I quickly added, dropping my gaze to the floor, waiting for that slap I was accustomed to.
“Would you please fetch the dresses, Suman?” I heard him say, my eyes glued to the white floor. She must’ve moved because I watched his black shoes approach me. “Look at me,” he said, his tone stern.
I lifted my eyes to his. His hand gently cupped my chin, his thumb a slow rub over my bottom lip. Although I’d never seen a real butterfly, I now understood what ‘butterflies in the stomach’ meant in the stories I read.
“If I was your Master, not only would you be smiling today, you’d also be angry with me for letting another woman kiss my cheeks or for me touching her back.”
I swallowed. He’d noticed my reaction. Was that what I felt? Anger? Why would I feel that way? That night of the storm, when I woke in his bed the following day, his chest against my back, one arm over my waist, and his hard-on pressed to my backside, I couldn’t understand that feeling between my legs. A subtle pulse that grew in intensity with each breath we shared, almost like I wanted to be touched there. But only by him. I had never felt anything like that before.
Men had taken from me for so long, and I’d succumbed only because I had no choice. Then he walked into my life, and for the first time, I willingly wanted this man to touch me. It was why I’d run from his bed, not understanding my reaction to him or how that throb became an insistence ache when he walked into my room later that same morning.
Now, his eyes rolled over my face like he could read my thoughts, my uncertainty. “Were you angry?”
I bit my lip, wanting to lie. “Yes.”
