Then I saw it.
Rain.
My very first sight of it.
Immediately, my heart rate slowed, watching the water hit the window. I placed my hand on the glass, wanting to touch it. Whenever I read about rain and sunshine in a book, I wanted to feel them on my skin. Now, it was right here, so close, and the desire to feel it quickly grew. My fingers and eyes searched the window frame, but I didn’t know how to open it. Disappointed, I watched the droplets run patterns on the glass. It was pretty.
Fascinated by the sight, I didn’t notice the increasing downpour until a loud crack echoed through the air, at the same time, flashes of lights bounced off the walls. I was sure the house trembled. The noise was so loud, so scary, I jumped, slapping my hands to my ears. I didn’t hear my yelp as I bolted from the room straight into Xavier’s room. Breathing hard, I stopped at his door, my entire body shaking, the little hairs at my nape standing on end.
The lights were also off in his room, but my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, made lighter only by the glowing lights outside the window. Shifting my gaze from his sleeping form to the shadows behind me, I dropped my hands, scrunched the shirt in my fists, and tiptoed to his side of the bed. My eyes traveled the length of his body, covered in dark trousers and a white t-shirt. One hand curved around his head, the other lay over his stomach. He looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to disturb him.
Bottom lip between my teeth, I turned to return to my room, and another crack lit up the sky outside. I jumped again, hating the booming noise vibrating through me. Heart pounding against my ribcage, I dropped to the floor, placed my hand on Xavier’s chest, and closed my eyes, looking for his comfort. The moment I felt the beat of his heart against my fingers, my breathing slowed, and my pulse rate calmed.
I didn’t know how long I sat there, but I flinched each time that cracking sound echoed in the room, whimpering low in my throat. It reminded me of the whip, taking me back to Master, the red room, and how he’d used it on my body, thighs, and stomach, tearing through the flesh. And he’d let it rip through my wounds again as soon as it healed. I had scars on top of scars.
I was just a child then, and he’d used it to make me obedient, to love him, to accept he was not only my Master but the only family I had. And I believed him every day since.
Not anymore.
Now, I had a new Master, and although he didn’t want me to call him that, spending the last three weeks with him just sitting in my room watching me sleep or read, I felt safe. Resting my head on the mattress, I let Xavier’s heartbeat soothe those horrible memories.
Chapter 21 – Xavier
Whether it was theweight on my chest or the soft whimpers in my ear that brought me out of my sleep, I didn’t know but opening my eyes to the girl in my room wasn’t what I expected. Not her presence, more so how I found her. Head on the mattress, chin tucked into her neck and facing away from me, she was sitting on the floor with her hand on my chest. I would’ve assumed she was awake if it weren’t for the barely audible whimpers that didn’t make her stir.
I placed my hand over hers, sighing at its softness, and still, she didn’t move.
“Mama,” another soft cry had me slowly removing her hand and placing it on the mattress.
Sliding off the bed, I crouched beside her and watched her for a bit. Strands of hair loosened from the plait she wore, shielded her face from me. She was breathing harder now and the way her hand on her thigh gripped her shirt, I knew she was dreaming. With a gentle touch, I slid the locks of hair behind her ear, uncovering her face.
“Fuck,” I cursed under my breath.
Since coming to my home, I’d never seen her shed a single tear, smile or laugh. I didn’t blame her lack of feeling. This girl had been through so much in her young life that it was only natural that she’d learned not to react, probably using it to deal with her trauma. Then I’d watched her break those mirrors, putting every ounce of pent-up anger and pain into her blows. Regardless, her tears remained imprisoned behind the walls of that green room.
Now, watching her tears fall without her knowledge, I knew this dream was either intent on stealing her emotions or, if not, she used them to shed her trapped tears.
