Now I understood why he looked at Zarina the way he did in the car. He thought she was going to help me.
“When you ran out, Zarina was right behind you. She saw me, and if I didn’t take you, she would’ve told Kabir. I’m sorry, Cinder, but he can’t know that I wanted to help you there or that I’m talking to you now. You should’ve run...” he stopped talking to look at me, and for the first time, I saw the unhappiness I felt reflected in his eyes.
“This is my home, I have no one. Where would I have gone? Some of those men wanted to buy me at that party, and Zarina allowed them to. It’s why I ran. I trusted her. How would I know who to trust out there.” I shook my head sadly.
“I wish I could’ve helped,” Luke sighed.
I touched his arm lightly. “I once read that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and I didn’t understand what it meant until now. At least here, I have a home, food, a place to sleep, even if it all comes with the pain I’m used to. I have only ever known this place and learned to live with Master’s desire to hurt me. He also controls what the other men can and can’t do to me. It could be worse with someone else.”
“I’m sorry, Cinder.” He smiled, and I liked how different it made him look. “Your master is a very connected man, and he has ways to make people do the things he wants even if they don’t want to.”
Zarina had said the same thing. Maybe both were just as afraid of him as I was.
“You need to prepare yourself. I think tonight will be the worst one you’ve ever experienced with him. You’d be dead if I didn’t come when I did.” Luke stood.
“Do you know why?”
“I can’t be sure, but I think it has to do with something that happened at Blackhall. Zarina might’ve said something to him.” He crouched again and took my hand in his, squeezing lightly. “He told me that he brought you upstairs twice. Do you remember what everything looks like?”
Rubbing my tired eyes, I tried to remember. “The black and white room and the room with the white seats.” It was the only way I could describe the places I saw because everything else was strange.
“That’s the kitchen. The living room is the one with the seats.” He sighed. “I think he’ll take you upstairs tonight. If you have a chance to run, do it, Cinder.”
“Run?” My mouth tasted the word, it didn’t feel nice. “How? Where?” My shoulders fell.
He squeezed my hand again. “I’ll leave a remote in the drawer below the coffee machine.” I frowned, unsure what that looked like, and he added, “it’s in the kitchen. A silver and black rectangular box with a glass pot filled with brown liquid. Below are three drawers. I’ll leave the remote in there. It’s a small black box with colorful buttons. If you press them, they open different doors and the main gate that takes you to the road.”
“I...I can’t.” Fear made my voice wobble.
“Listen to me, Cinder. If a moment comes, don’t think. Just run. Give into your body’s need to fight, to move. It’s called adrenaline. It’s our body’s natural response to overcome anxiety, to take us out of a fearful situation and make us react.”
I read about it in books. I didn’t understand it.
“If I can, I’ll leave money for you in the same drawer.”
Panic started growing in the pit of my stomach. “I don’t even know how to use money? Where would I go?”
He stood again, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t have the time to plan anything, and if he finds out...” he stopped speaking again. “I am sorry for everything you went through, Cinder. Even though I couldn’t talk to you, I watched you grow up here like you were my child.” He shook his head. “I brought you all these books.” He pointed to my bookshelf, my only connection to the world outside my door. “Even though they weren’t ideal, I hoped they would educate you. I’m so proud of what an intelligent woman you grew into.”
My eyes rounded. “You brought them?”
He nodded. “When Kabir rewarded you, he made me get the books for you, but I was only allowed what he specified. Nothing modern, just old literature, fairytales, and magazine cut-outs. The landscapes were my way of apologizing.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say, then I added, “I loved the landscapes; at least I learned how to paint them.”
“I should go. Kabir needs me to do something for him. If I can return to take you away, I will try.” Although his smile wasn’t complete, it comforted me. “Be safe, Cinder.”
Just as he reached the door, I stopped him. “How will Master hurt you, Luke?”
With his hand on the door, he glanced over his shoulder then sighed again. “I love you, Cinder, but I love my wife and daughter more.” Then he walked out.
In his silence, Luke had become my family, and I didn’t blame him for wanting to protect his family. I stared at the closed door, not sure what to feel. I didn’t know anger, and I didn’t know happiness.
Pain, while it was my enemy, it was my comfort. I knew how to feel that and not let it rule my will to live.
