My face. It once clouded with the envy offreedom
It will soon brighten with the temperance ofjoy
My eyes. They have seen the crimson shades of lewdgluttony
They will soon witness the patience oflove
My nose. It once smelt the stench of blasphemouslust
It will soon inhale the chastity ofpassion
My hands. They have touched upon the edges ofsloth
They will soon feel the decadence ofdiligence
My belly. It once swelled with the greed ofhunger
It will soon roll with the waves ofcharity
I stared at the poignant words carved into stone, sitting above the mantlepiece rimming the fireplace as I did with every new arrival. Then turning, I studied her, searching for the light behind the darkness those words elicited every time a woman found the strength to make it to my doors. With each shift of my eyes, I recited the line that matched.
Her eyes swollen and cupped by blue-black bruises, one trembling child clinging to her arm wrapped in a dirty bandage, the other hiding her face behind her mother’s back, the woman stared at me, her fear as blatant as the light from the window behind her.
Over time, I’d learned not to let shock get the better of me. These shattered women needed to see strength, but they needed to see it from a fractured soul, just like them. So, like I always did, I showed her.
Slowly, I rotated, letting her see that today, with my head held high, thick hair crowned by a tiara, body covered by a pretty dress, I was a beautiful princess. Then slowly, I peeled off my clothes, and when I was naked, I let her gaze run over my scars, showing her that same princess was once upon a time, broken, just like her.
“Breathe. You’re safe,” I said. When I finished, another smile found its way into my heart. Nodding to Lacey to take over, I walked away.
“Are you okay, Mikaela?” Lacey asked an hour later.
I glanced away from the large window I’d been staring out to the lovely woman standing in front of me. Dry-eyed, my gaze drifted to the sketch I’d begun months ago. My head wanted it to evolve into a painting, my heart wasn’t keen on letting me. Each time I picked up the paintbrush, the tears blinded me, and I’d put it back down, intending to try it on another day. Only the action stayed in a loop since that first day.
“Yes, Lacey.” I smiled at the woman I’d rescued from her abusive husband seven months ago, the memory floating to the surface.
“Forgive my intrusion, ma’am, but you’ve been holed up in this hotel room for almost three weeks. Wouldn’t you like to go out for a bit?”
I look up at the bodyguard, who, even with his imposing frame, always seems so gentle toward me. I know his capabilities. I’ve seen his other side if any man approached me at lunch or dinner, and the only time I ventured out of this room. Oddly, I’m destined to always find myself in a room I can’t leave. Perhaps it’s just a comfort thing.
I smile. I’ve asked him a few times to return to the castle, he refused, stating that I was stuck with him until he decided when I was ready to be on my own. I guess that’s why Xavier trusts him implicitly. He’s loyal to a fault.
“Don’t you want to break the cycle of doing the same thing every day?” Wilkes asks as if he read my mind. “Try a restaurant outside the hotel for a change? Do something different?”
“I still don’t understand what happened,” I say instead, staring at the big man before me. “Why did he send me away, Wilkes? Did I do something wrong? Did he tire of me?” The questions pour out along with the quick tears I can no longer restrain.
Wilkes draws closer and sits opposite me, his expression the softest I’ve ever seen. “Don’t hate him, ma’am.”
“I can’t hate him even if I tried.” A heaviness settles in my chest, and I press my fingers to my eyes.
I hear Wilkes sigh before he says, “he’s a good man who’s merely trying to do right by you while breaking his heart in the process.”
I remove my fingers to look at him. “Was it that easy for him to do?”
He stands. “As a man in love with my wife and understand its workings, I’ll say it isn’t easy for him. As an employee who’s worked for him a long time, I’ll say letting you go was probably the hardest thing he had to do his entire life.”
“I miss him,” I sob, hating my incompetence to rein in my emotions.
His expression is thoughtful for a moment before he reaches out and gently squeezes my hand. “As long as you do, he’ll feel you. The day you stop, he’ll die from loving you.” My eyes widen, scared to lose Xavier even if he sent me away. “Just don’t give up hope,” he says, his tone reassuring.
