“Are you okay?” Xaviergently squeezed my hand two days later.
We were in the back of a vehicle Wilkes called a surveillance van with him and his six men. Luke was in his car up front. The plan was to stop just before we reached the house and have me shift to his vehicle while Xavier stayed with Wilkes and his team.
“Yes,” I replied, trying hard not to shake.
“Luke won’t leave you alone, and I’ll be a few feet away,” he reassured.
Even in the dimly lit interior, the warmth in his eyes always shone brighter than any light I needed to guide me through the darkness. He palmed my cheeks then and softly kissed me, reminding me why I needed to beat this, that if nothing else,healone was worth overcoming my fear.
I wasn’t sure how long we drove, but when we finally stopped, I found the courage I didn’t know I possessed to move from one vehicle to the other despite clinging to Xavier until Wilkes reminded us we were exposed if we stood out on the road too long. Once we passed through those familiar black gates, though, I became a nervous wreck. My throat dried from shaking so much, and no amount of swallowing helped. Sweat dampened my armpits, upper lip, and neck.
Luke stopped the car outside the front door and looked at me. “It’s going to be all right, Cinder,” he soothed. My smile was half-hearted. “Here, put this in your ear.”
Confused, I took the small white thing he held out that looked like a question mark and put it in my ear.
“Breathe, Ella, I’m right here,” Xavier’s deep voice filled my ear, bringing immediate calm to my trembling body.
“You’re here?” Surprised, I turned my head, glancing out all the windows, looking for him.
“Yes, love, I’ll never leave you. Just follow Luke’s plan, okay.”
I swallowed hard, calling for strength and fighting back the tears. “Okay.” I handed the earpiece to Luke, watching him place it back in his ears, breathing raggedly.
Luke touched my arm. “Xavier’s in the van outside the gate. He’ll hear you through this earpiece I’ll keep in my ear.”
“Where’s Kabir?” I asked, surprised I managed to say his name without the usual nausea.
He checked his phone. “He hasn’t replied yet, which means he’s either on his way or already here. Remember, Cinder, once we’re inside, I’ll resort to the detached person Kabir knows, but I’m there for you, okay.” I nodded. “I won’t let him harm you, I promise.” Tears glazed my eyes, I leaned over, and he hugged me. “Better?” he asked when I sat back.” I nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”
Taking another quick breath, I climbed out of the car. The second I stepped through the front door, I forgot to breathe, the memory of how I left flooding my head, dread pausing my feet. Closing my eyes, I stood still, quietly remembering Xavier’s heartbeat, letting it find its place in my mind, allowing it to bring me the usual calm I sought when distressed. Finally, breathing normally again, I opened my eyes.
Luke gestured to me to follow him into the white living room. “You want to sit?”
My gaze flitted to the soft carpet and those beautiful white sofas, recalling the horror they represented with Kabir’s slaps and kicks when he brought me upstairs. Goosebumps rang over my skin, their sound taunting my calm. I shook my head, moving to stand at the window and hopefully catch a glimpse of Xavier or one of his men. It was too dark to make out any defined shape, and what little light poured from the occasional lamps in the garden was too dim.
I didn’t know how long I stood there before I became aware of the deafening silence around me. It reminded me of the green room. The sudden rise of the hairs at my nape startled me. I swung around, swallowing the gasp as I came face to face with Kabir. Somehow, he’d walked in without me hearing him approach. My gaze shifted to Luke, who stood to the side, his countenance unreadable, like the man who’d guarded me all my life. Hopefully, it would convince Kabir.
“Hello, kitten,” the soft greeting had the fear inside me tightening to a sharp point, threatening to snap the band of sanity I had left. Kabir took a step closer. Instinctively, I stepped back. His eyes dropped to my feet before returning to my face, his expression a cold and severe warning I should stay still. “Even more fucking beautiful, my perfect kitten,” he said, taking another step forward.
His presence was suffocating. It took several more seconds to drop my gaze to the floor and wrestle my fear, forcing it to back down, remembering Xavier was just outside the door, that he’d never leave me with this monster.
“I’m disappointed you’ve forgotten how to greet your Master.” He touched a finger to my jaw. I flinched, instinctively biting down on my tongue, cutting off the whimper I didn’t want to give him. “Eyes, kitten.”
Fight it, baby.As if she’d sensed my presence, Mama’s words circled me.
I obeyed, lifting my gaze to meet the green-eyed devil who’d lost power over me yet still intimidated my shadow. He looked older, the lines in his face more profound, his skin drier as though he’d spent too much time under the sun. I’d watched a few cowboy movies, he had the same weathered look as those outlaws, yet none of their personas. His hair was now full white and cut so close to his scalp it was almost like he had none.
Strangely, I found myself comparing him to Xavier. While he was every bit as imposing as Xavier, Kabir lacked two distinct differences. A charm Xavier carried without even knowing it and perhaps one of the first things that drew me to him.
And the second. Dominance.
Xavier didn’t have to exert authority for anyone to know he was a man you could try challenging with the knowledge you’d fail, regardless. Whereas Kabir, his arrogance had that defined look of trying too hard.
As that learning passed through my mind, my thoughts went back to Mark’s words, ‘Once you learn to believe in your own strength and understand you can make decisions for yourself, it will be easier to differentiate between men like Kabir and Xavier.’
Was that what I was doing? Believing in my strength?
“I missed you,” Kabir said, reminding me he was there. “Did you miss me?”
